


Clexa One-Shots, Drabbles, and More

by clexaandsupercorpforever



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, Fluff, I think that's enough tags, I'm terrible at writing, Linctavia - Freeform, Murphamy - Freeform, Octaven, Sea mechanic, Some Angst with a Happy Ending, Soooo much fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, clarke loves her levers, clexa clexa clexa, i ship titus with a chainsaw, indra loves her soup, lexa loves her candles, lexark, qtwd - Freeform, some smut in there if i feel like writing it, what else do i write here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 51,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27064171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexaandsupercorpforever/pseuds/clexaandsupercorpforever
Summary: Exactly what the title says. This is my first work on this site so bear with me, I love Clexa and that's why I'm doing this. Some AUs, some original universe, all Clexa with hints of Murphamy, Octaven, etc. Other than Clexa, the ships will change around throughout the collection of one-shots based on what makes the most sense, like Octaven will become Linctavia/Sea Mechanic/Ranya etc. I don't have Tumblr so idk how I'd be able to get prompts but I do accept them, maybe comment them? Anyway, enjoy if you can. Fluff, angst with a happy ending, smut. Rated mature for the smut, explicit language, some fight scenes, and of course the presence of Raven Reyes because that girl has no filter. Also because I enjoy giving Lexa a really tragic backstory in some of these AUs. Because I'm a terrible person. Sorry not sorry.Enjoy.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Anya/Gustus (The 100), Bellamy Blake/Echo, Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin & Octavia Blake, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Elyza Lex/Alicia Clark, Indra/Soup, Lexa & Anya, Lexa & Luna, Lexa & Octavia Blake, Lexa & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Octavia Blake/Raven Reyes, Raven Reyes/Luna, Titus/A Chainsaw
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	1. Thank you, Ambassador.

**Author's Note:**

> Aka the one where Lexa's on her period and doesn't want to look weak so she drags herself to a four-hour long meeting anyway and proceeds to kick someone off her balcony. Clarke finds out, cute stuff ensues.  
> Note: In this one-shot, Lexa never betrayed Skaikru at Mount Weather. Her army and Skaikru fought together, but Clarke and Lexa both pulled the lever because of grenades etc that wiped out a lot of the Grounders. Clarke became known as Wanheda, Lexa became even more feared and famous, and the two went back to Polis together to solidify the alliance. They're not together yet in this but they will be by the end of this one-shot.  
> Fluff fluff fluff fluffy fluff.  
> (~)=italics, because idk how to use HTML

The Commander of the Coalition has had a long day.

Peace with Skaikru is opposed by many of the clans, and she's spent the day trying to regain order in her own throne room. Her throat is hoarse from the yelling matches that have taken place with the Azgeda ambassador, her thighs are numb from sitting on her throne all day, and her face is itching from the war paint that she's been plastering on her face every morning during the week of meetings. 

Lexa trudges over to her bed, her posture slumping as the doors close and she finally allows herself to relax her shoulders. She takes off her armor and shoulder pauldron, hanging them up on the stand near her bathroom. She scrubs the warpaint off her face, polishes the blade she's been fiddling with all day, unwraps her bindings and slips into a nightgown. Sighing, she stretches herself out onto her bed, allowing her sore limbs to sink into the plush layers of furs and pillows. There's an ache in her hips that wasn't there a few hours ago, but she pays it no mind as fatigue settles in and her eyes begin to drift close. 

That was her first mistake.

Lexa wakes up with a familiar feeling between her legs and a dark splotch on the sheets beneath her. Immediately, she sits up sharply, groaning as she takes in the stain on her furs. And then groaning again, considerably louder, as the cramps hit, spurred on by her sharp movement. 

No, no, no. Today is the final day of the meetings, and is undeniably going to be the most cutthroat. She can't afford to deal with the pain while also dealing with her advisors and ambassadors. But the cramps aren't letting up, and she exhales sharply as another round of pain hits. Lexa resigns herself to the fact that her balcony is probably going to get a couple more uses out of it before the meeting today ends. She can already feel the irritable attitude setting in, and she inwardly sighs again. 

Dragging herself out of bed proves itself to be a task easier said than done. Somehow she makes it to the bathroom without collapsing and dresses in her normal attire, adding strips of fabric on the seat of her pants to prevent leaks. Her nightblood is dark and noticeable, and she does not wish to humiliate herself in front of her subjects. 

The cramps are agonizing, and Lexa quickly realizes that she needs to do something about them before she can even leave her room. She calls for a servant to bring her tea to soothe the cramps, and the servant (a young woman) seems to piece it together, because she shoots Lexa a sympathetic look. Indeed, when the tray with the lemon tea is brought up, there is also a hot water bottle and a tin of paste created by Nyko to slightly relieve the pain, all placed on the metal surface. Lexa silently thanks whatever gods there are that today is the last day of the meetings, because her cramps will surely be ten times worse tomorrow, but isn't ~too~ grateful. After all, she does still have to deal with the idiot ambassadors from Azgeda and Boudalan. Branwodas. They will fight against Clarke with everything they have today, because it is their last chance. 

Do not. Think. About. Clarke.

Lexa inhales through her nose and exhales through her mouth the way Anya had taught her when they were young. The pain ebbs for a little while, then returns full force. She fights the urge to whimper and gets dressed in her Commander's regalia, fitting the shoulder pauldron on with little difficulty, buckling the straps of her ornamental armor and sheathing her weapons. 

She glances at herself once in the mirror and then deems herself ready. Ignoring the sharp spikes of pain, she straightens her spine, stiffens her shoulders, tilts her chin up, rests a hand on her sword pommel. The Commander incarnate. And then she opens her doors. 

Lexa has to make an effort not to whimper in pain as she takes those first steps out of the safety and privacy of her room. Thankfully, the handmaiden from before is going to be her accompanying servant for today's meeting, so she shouldn't be too embarrassed to ask for supplies. 

The ambassadors are already at attention in the throne room when she arrives, and she spares them but a glance as she makes her way to her throne and sits down, masking the pain behind her stoic 'Commander' mask. Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes, then opens them again. The room quiets and she grips the armrests of her throne, officially commencing the meeting. 

Four long hours later, and Lexa is itching to stab some people. Preferably the men in the room. Specifically the men in the room who believe they can do her job better than her. Because she's a woman. It takes several warnings and multiple reminders of the unpleasant conditions in the Polis dungeons from Indra to get the junior ambassador from Ingranrona to calm down, but Lexa doesn't raise her voice once. She doesn't have to. She knows the tone of her voice, she regulates it very carefully. Being on the receiving end of her sharp tone is enough to get anyone to dial down, even these unruly ambassadors. The cold steel of her tone lashes out at the men, filleting them with a few carefully chosen words. Her voice itself is quiet, but firm. A reminder that while she may tolerate their behavior for now, the men's bickering is becoming tiresome. The doors to the adjoining balcony are open, another reminder. A reminder that if the bickering becomes ~too~ tiresome, it will have consequences. 

So far, there has been no need for consequences. Lexa honestly doesn't know if she'd like to keep it that way. 

The senior ambassador from Trishanakru stands. Lexa remembers that her name is Kuinn, and that her brother had been one of the 300 burned by Skaikru during the initial encounter. But, surprisingly, she speaks for Skaikru. "The Sky People have tek, tek that will help us become better warriors and healers. They have helped us bring down the Maunon. They are the 13th clan. We are here to discuss our own problems inside of our own clans, not to challenge Heda's decision to bring the Sky people into our ranks." Lexa nods, her face impassive. "Ambassador Kuinn speaks the truth," she says in response, motioning to Kuinn to take her seat. She does so, bowing her head in deference. 

Lexa continues, "As I have said before, Skaikru march with us now. Anyone who tries to stand in the way of that answers to me. Ambassador Clarke Kom Skaikru," Lexa says, turning her head to make eye contact with Clarke. The blonde is already staring at her, and her cheeks color slightly at being caught looking, but she stands all the same. She knows now not to speak when not addressed after the fiasco of the first meeting, so she instead waits silently for Lexa to continue her question. And continue it she does. "Your clan will be willing to share your tek with the rest of the clans, yes?”  
Clarke nods, then verbally voices her reply. "Sha, Heda. We have already begun to teach a few villages on the edge of the forest how to use it. It's already been really helpful. Our technology has saved lives already. Think of how much more it could do if all the clans could access it." The majority of the ambassadors nod thoughtfully, and Lexa starts to breathe a sigh of relief.

Starts to, because the peace in the room is then rudely interrupted by Martiel, the senior Ice Nation ambassador. "Heda!" He says, rising quickly from his seat at the edge of the room. "Tek is what corrupted the Maunon! It is what made them so dangerous! They killed our brethren with that tek! And now you tell us that the tek is good?" Lexa breathes out sharply she then immediately regrets it as the cramps flare up once more. She moves her hand to her abdomen and holds it slightly, not perceptibly, just enough to ease the pain so that she can reply. "Ambassador Martiel Kom Azgeda. We have already spoken on this matter. The tek that Skaikru possesses is used for purposes beneficial towards us. The tek that the Maunon possessed was used against us. The difference is clear." 

But Martiel refuses to back down. There's a headache building in Lexa's temple and her irritable mood only worsens as the ambassador launches into a tirade about how tek had killed his brother, his father. Lexa is not fooled. Martiel hated his family. If anything, he should be on his hands and knees thanking those who created the fayogun that killed his family members. For a few moments, Lexa allows him to ramble. But then something changes. 

Specifically, the course of his thoughts and speech. 

"This is not benefiting us! This is Heda's weakness again. The same weakness that allows her," he waves a hand angrily at Clarke, "to live! The same weakness that caused the death of an innocent blacksmith's daughter in this very city!" 

Lexa blinks, shutting her eyes against the vulgar truth spat out by Martiel. Costia. 

She has a split second to choose her reaction. Impassive? Angry? Emotional? Upset? 

The last two are not valid. She cannot present herself through feelings, they will only lend themselves to his invalid theory, and Lexa cannot have that. But Indra, standing next to her throne on the dais, growls. And so Lexa chooses. 

Slowly, so slowly, she opens her eyes. And she makes sure there is nothing of Lexa in them, makes sure that the only thing the people in the room see in those eyes is green fire and fury. The unending fury of the Commander. 

Martiel glances up to gauge her reaction, a slight smirk on his face, and immediately falters. He sees the wrath in her eyes. Lexa stands slowly, the pain from her cramps fading into the background as she fixes her eyes on his watery brown ones. He backs up quickly as she approaches him, stumbling into his chair and uprighting it. He keeps walking backwards, backwards, his eyes trained on her movements, on how to escape her. 

Then he looks behind him once, and immediately realizes his mistake. A fatal one. 

He's backed himself up onto the balcony. 

The wind whistles around them but it's not enough to drown out Lexa's next words. "You wished for me to act with strength? Behold my strength, Martiel Kom Azgeda. Behold what your queen has unwittingly made me into." 

And then she kicks him right off the damn balcony. 

For a moment, he hangs in the air, suspended, weightless. One hand is gripping the edge of the balcony - he dangles precariously, swinging back and forth in the wind. Lexa approaches the spot where his fingers latch on desperately to the stone balcony. "For Costia," Lexa says quietly, and steps on his fingers hard enough for her to hear them crack. 

Martiel howls as he is forced to let go, howls even louder as he falls. His shouts fade, then stop entirely, completely overshadowed by the giant splat-thump sequence that follows. 

She remains there, standing on the balcony, watching as the scene below plays out, for a few more moments. The civilians below barely glance at the body as a few guards arrive to clean up the mangled mess. The people are used to it: they've long since stopped pushing their carts through the area known jokingly around Polis as 'the splash zone', especially on meeting days. 

Then Lexa turns around, staring back into the room full of shocked officials. Indra's eyes are alight with excitement and something that looks akin to pride, and Lexa draws upon the chief's strength to keep her voice steady as the menstrual pains tear through her body. "Would anyone else care to question my decisions?" 

No one speaks. Lexa strides back into the throne room and manages to keep her steps straight and steady. There is not a single sound in the room other than the soft pad of her boots against the carpeted floor. She can only imagine the expressions of Clarke, of the other ambassadors, as she stops in front of the now empty chair of the senior ambassador. She motions for the junior ambassador, a young man named Rillio, to come closer. He does, shaking slightly. The fear in his eyes is gratifying, honestly, and she doesn't let an ounce of pain show as she motions to the vacant seat of the now-late Martiel. "Congratulations on your promotion, Senior Ambassador Rillio Kom Azgeda. I hope you will do better than the previous senior ambassador." He nods quickly, attempting a small smile but ultimately failing and remaining somewhat terrified. She sweeps away from him, ascending the dais back to her throne and sitting down, letting her hand drift across her abdomen in a pitiful attempt to soothe the cramping. 

Lexa makes eye contact with every ambassador in the room, every officiate. They bow their heads in submission as her gaze fixes on them, the fury gone, infinite boredom and icy stoism taking it's place. Her eyes land on Clarke's last, and Lexa is momentarily shocked at the emotion in her eyes. No fear, no disgust. Just... something that looks like worry. 

Of course Clarke would be able to sense her pain. She had been trained by her mother, after all, who was the senior medic of Arkadia. Those breathtaking blue eyes dip down to her stomach, to the hand covering it. Lexa withdraws it quickly and looks away from the beautiful blonde. The last thing she needs now is for Clarke to be worried about her. Knowing Lexa, she'd probably be vulnerable and weak and would break down and confess her feelings, and that cannot happen. Especially as Clarke has made her position on that matter quite clear, during that one kiss in her tent. 

Lexa snaps herself back into the present to see that most of the issues between clans have been resolved by Titus, her advisors, and the ever-present-super-intimidating form of Indra at her back. She declares softly that the meeting has ended and dismisses everyone in the room, including the guards and Titus. She goes to the balcony and, leaving the doors open behind her, gets some fresh air. Being on the balcony while she's this dizzy isn't the smartest idea, but Lexa needs to escape the stuffiness of the throne room, Martiel's hateful words about Costia still lingering in the atmosphere. 

Footsteps sound behind her, a scent like sun-warmed earth and charcoal invading her senses, and she knows without turning around that it is Clarke. She'd know the blonde if she were blind. Clarke remains a respectful distance away, content to just stand and take in the beauty of Polis next to Lexa. 

Their peaceful silence is shattered, however, as another giant wave of cramps wrack her body, and she groans slightly, clutching at her stomach. 

Clarke's head whips around to analyze her, and Lexa feels the weight of her gaze like a phantom hand grazing over her body. She tries her best not to look at the blonde, she really does, but the pull of her gaze is enthralling, and Lexa finds herself staring into bright blue eyes before long. 

"Are you okay?" Clarke asks, and all Lexa can do is close her eyes and listen to the other girl's voice. Because if she says anything back she thinks she might break down, that she might tell Clarke, that she might have her heart broken again. But the blonde doesn't relent. 

"Lexa." No response. "Lexa! Why won't you answer me?" Her voice is starting to get impatient, and Lexa silently approves. Yes. If she's angry, she'll go away. And then Lexa can make it back to her own chambers and take off all this heavy armor and collapse on her bed and drink as much tea as she wants. And maybe she'll go down to Nyko, and ask for more of that paste. Or she'll ask that handmaiden to bring more hot water bottles. 

But now she's lost in thought, and the cramps have somehow gotten worse, and suddenly she's so dizzy and then she's on her knees and for some reason she can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe-

And then there's Clarke's face, swimming in front of her gaze, vision distorting her features but the blonde is still impossibly beautiful and Lexa knows right then there is no escaping the cerulean expanse of those eyes. 

"Lexa. You need to tell me what's wrong." Lexa just shakes her head. She wants to tell Clarke, she does, but she can't. She CAN'T, because she still can't get a breath down, can't talk, can't do anything but stare into those endless pools of blue. 

But this time Clarke sees the barely disguised panic in Lexa's eyes and her own blue orbs widen. She sees that the shaking of Lexa's head doesn't mean 'no', doesn't mean 'leave me alone'. It means 'I can't, I can't, I can't'. It means 'help'. 

"Breathe, Lexa. Breathe." And dammit, Lexa tries. She tries to breathe, because she would do anything for the blonde in front of her. But seizing cramps tear through her again, and she can't. Breathe. 

Clarke takes Lexa's hand and the brunette's brain short-circuits at the contact, however limited. No, she wants to yell, don't you see, that's only making it worse. Because now my head is even foggier than before. But Clarke holds Lexa's palm to her chest, over her-

Oh. 

Over her heart. 

It's steady, and so is Clarke's voice when she speaks again. "Can you feel my breathing? My heartbeat?" Lexa nods almost imperceptibly, but Clarke knows her tells by now, and she can see even the slightest shift in Lexa's movement. "Okay," she continues. "Can you focus on my breathing pattern? Can you try to match it?" Lexa nods faintly again. She closes her eyes and tries to match her own racing heartbeat to the healthy thrum of Clarke's. 

And then her lungs open up again, and her throat stops squeezing so tightly, and there's air in her lungs again and all she can do for a moment is breathe. 

When she opens her eyes again, Clarke is still there, not gone like the others, not gone like Anya, or Gustus, not gone like Costia-

Before she can stop it, a sob tears through her, accompanied by the now-familiar pain of those agonizing cramps. Clarke's eyes are on hers, steady, gazing into her own, and Lexa tries to stop the next sob, tries to explain, but words have failed her and now she's crying and Clarke's arms are around her and she lets herself close her eyes and just bask in the moment, in the warmth of the blonde's embrace. 

Clarke pulls away after a few moments, and Lexa meets her eyes, scrubbing the remaining tears from her face angrily. Love is weakness. Weakness is prohibited. 

But Clarke doesn't look at the Grounder woman like she needs to be strong all the time. No, the look in Clarke's eyes tells her that it's okay to be Lexa, just Lexa, when she's with her. That the brunette can shed her layers, can shed the responsibilities of Heda, when she's with her. 

When Lexa's caught her breath enough to remember how to form coherent words, she says in a slightly raspy voice, "Thank you." Clarke smiles at her softly. "What happened?"

Lexa looks away, embarrassed. She knows that all women experience the monthly pain and visits. But it still wasn't a frequently spoken about topic. Clarke seems to get it, though. Her cheeks color slightly. "Oh. Um. Let's go back to your room." Lexa nods and, with a little help from Clarke, gets to her feet. She dons the Commander's mask for a few more minutes as she heads back up the many, many flights of stairs to her chambers, nodding at officiates and greeting some she's more familiar with. Clarke can't help but be impressed - Lexa's fake front of well-being doesn't waver for a second, and she fools them all. 

By the time they get to Lexa's chambers, though, the brunette's legs have nearly given out. She started getting dizzy around the seventeenth floor, and black spots were swimming around in her vision by the time they reached the thirtieth. It takes all of her training as Commander to stay upright long enough for Clarke to close the door. Then she collapses onto her bed and closes her eyes, feeling her legs quiver like the gelatinous dessert called 'pudding' the Nightblood youth had eaten a few times when they were younger. Why is her cycle affecting her like this today?

Clarke is standing awkwardly in the center of the room, taking in the surroundings. Her eyes move over the table, covered in papers; the weapon rack in the corner of the room. "Why so many candles?" the blonde asks instead of addressing the issue at hand. Lexa groans, too drained to answer. Taking the hint, Clarke drops the topic and strolls over to the bookshelf standing against the eastern wall. "The Odyssey. Homer, nice. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. That book bored me. The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird, A Tale of Two Cities... nice, nice. And... who's Sarah Maas?" 

At this, Lexa (who had been unabashedly watching Clarke go over her reading selection, marveling at the sparkle in those blue eyes) sat up. "Only one of the best authors I've ever had the pleasure to read from." They're back to this, then, the easy banter, the smooth conversation. At her previous statement, Clarke raises her eyebrows. "She must be pretty damn good to earn a spot next to J.R.R Tolkien and George R.R Martin. Wow, that's a lot of initials." 

Lexa fights to keep a straight face as she slowly eases up from her position sprawled out on the bed and makes her way over next to Clarke. Pulling out one of Maas' books, The Assassin's Blade, she wordlessly handed it to Clarke, who turns it over and read the small blurb. "Assassins, huh?" She flips through it quickly. "I thought the oldies were more your speed. Isn't this pretty recent compared to the other books on that shelf?" Clarke asks, turning towards Lexa. "It's the prequel of a series she wrote, Throne of Glass. And I read a variety of books. Throne of Glass wasn't published too long before Praimfaya, actually, but it's good enough that it earned a spot on this shelf with the classics. Along with the other series by that author, A Court of Thorns and Roses." 

Clarke looks at her. "You seem like you're pretty into it." Lexa shrugs. "They're good books. Anya-" she forces the name out, ignoring the lump in her throat at the memories, "Anya was the one who introduced them to me. When I first became her Second." Clarke's eyes soften, and she turns fully towards Lexa. "I'm sorry I couldn't save her," she says quietly. Lexa shakes her head. "There was nothing you could do." And they both know it's true, but that won't stop them from blaming themselves. 

Never each other, though. Never each other. 

Clarke tilts her head at Lexa inquiringly. "What happened back there?" she asks, referring to the incident on the balcony. Lexa bites her lip, and Clarke's eyes immediately drop to them. Gods, they looked appetizing. And very kissable. What she wouldn't give to feel them against her own again...

The blonde shakes herself out of it. Now is not the time. 

Thankfully, Lexa doesn't seem to notice. "I- well." Clarke rephrases. "I get you're on your period." Lexa's brow furrows at the Skaikru slang, but she assumes 'period' and 'menstrual cycle' are synonymous and keeps silent as Clarke continues. "But why did you collapse?" Lexa shrugs. "Usually it doesn't get that bad." Clarke quirks an eyebrow at her. "Usually? Lexa, has this happened before?"

Lexa nods. "A few times. But I never had to do it... alone. Like I did today. Anya or Gustus would have made sure I was alright, even during the meeting." Clarke's face falls with the insinuation. "You miss them a lot, don't you."

Lexa turns away to hide the emotion in her eyes. "They were like family to me." And now they were both dead, along with hundreds of others under her command. One by her own hand. She will never forget the look in Gustus' eyes when she pushed her sword into his heart. Will never forget the way his body had slumped, the way everything that made him ~him~ had vanished. Gone, just like that. 

Lexa has killed many people. She has had to, to protect those she cared about, to protect her people. But she has never shouldered a guilty burden this large without assistance. 

Clarke purses her lips but decides not to push. There is still a lot she doesn't know about Lexa. Not that she would be opposed to learning more about her, but Lexa is a naturally closed off person. She has to be, to control the Coalition and enforce the power of the Commander. 

Then she chides herself for the thought. Lexa had let her guard down once when she had been alone with Clarke, and Clarke had pulled away. Had told her no, not yet. Lexa didn't have to open herself up again, not after last time. Whatever feelings had been growing for her in the brunette had probably fizzled out long ago, when Clarke had turned her back on her again and again. 

Looking back at the brunette facing away from her, and without the distraction of that gorgeous face (seriously, it wasn't fair that Lexa not only got to command the power of a goddess but also looked like one) she can see that Lexa is exhausted. She's leaning heavily on the side of the bookcase, and her knees look like they're about to buckle. She knows that the only thing holding Lexa upright is sheer stubborness and willpower, that those two things were the only reason Lexa had made it this far. The only reason she'd been able to command a room full of cutthroat politicians and still walk out victorious. Not for the first time, Clarke marvels at Lexa's strength, and not just physically. Although she's sure Lexa more than surpasses the average in that sense as well. 

Honestly, she could stare at Lexa for hours. Watching her move, like a predator stalking prey, every movement planned and deliberate. Lexa walks into a room and dominates it, not just by her reputation but by the aura of confidence and power she emanates. 

Clarke tries not to think about the decidedly unprofessional feeling in her core that the thought gives her and instead concentrates on Lexa's obvious fatigue.

Stepping closer to her, her front only inches away from Lexa's back, she whispers, "You still didn't answer my question." And she may just be imagining things, but she thinks she hears Lexa's breathing hitch. 

Lexa Kom Trikru has spent years and years building up walls. Putting up a rock-solid mask and equally as impenetrable armor. She knows how to kill men in seven different ways with just her pinky finger. She is the most fearsome warrior in the thirteenth clans. 

And yet, all Clarke has to do is be within a foot of her, and Lexa can feel every wall she's every protected herself behind crumbling down. It's infuriating, but Lexa wouldn't have it any other way. 

Clarke steps further into her and Lexa resists every urge she has to sink into the delicious warmth of Clarke's embrace again. Her already-weak knees are even more wobbly at the contact, and the brunette can feel Clarke's hot breath hitting her ear. "Cat got your tongue, Commander?" 

Lexa exhales unsteadily and tries to clear the fog in her mind at this proximity. "Dizzy," she says quietly, and Clarke immediately steps back. "Are you okay?" she asks quickly, reverting back into a more professional, somewhat worried mindset. Both girls' minds are buzzing with possibility, rogue thoughts about the other shooting through their brains before they can grab a single thought, a single motion, and stick to it. 

Clarke takes Lexa's hand, marveling at the contrast between soft, warm skin and hardened callouses, and leads her back over to the bed. Sitting down, Lexa glances at their joined hands, but Clarke doesn't let go. "Lie down," she says quietly, and Lexa obeys, if only because it helps soothe the pounding headache currently smashing her temples to bits. "So, you're on your period. But do you normally pass out when it hits?" Lexa shakes her head, ignoring the slight flare in the headache that happens as she does so. "I usually don't have to sit in a room full of squabbling ambassadors acting like children divvying up sweets, however. And there is usually someone making sure I drink."

Clarke's eyebrows bunch together at the center of her forehead, and Lexa can't help but be mesmerized by even that simple movement. "Making sure you drink. So you were dehydrated. That would explain the dizziness, the instablity... but if it's synonymous with the cycle...." She trails off, evidently in deep thought. She's speaking less to Lexa and more to herself, now, as she connects the dots. 

"Lexa, has anyone ever told you anything about this? Like Nyko, or someone?" Lexa opens her eyes again, focusing on the ceiling before shifting her gaze to Clarke's face. "No. Why would he?" 

Clarke sighs. "Lexa, this isn't normal. I think... the signs point to you being anemic. It would explain why you got tired so easily, and why Anya would try to keep you hydrated while you were on your period. She knew it would help replenish your blood cell levels." 

Lexa closes her eyes again. Anemia. She doesn't want it to be true, because any disorder or disease is viewed as weakness among the Coalition, but she knows in her heart that Clarke is telling the truth. She sighs. 

Clarke, taking the sigh the wrong way, rushes on, "Do you know what that means? I don't know how much you learned on this stuff... it's, like, when you have low iron and not enough healthy red blood cells-" 

Lexa cuts her off with an upraised hand, a silent plea to stop. Clarke shuts up, clamping her lips closed like she's afraid that if she doesn't, she'll just keep talking. Lexa sighs again. "I know what anemia is," she says softly. "The natblidas receive medical lessons during our training. My knowledge is not as in depth as yours, but... I know what anemia is."   
Clarke opens her mouth and then pauses, considering her next words carefully. She can hear the strain in Lexa's voice, can see the distance in her eyes that meant the Grounder is remembering her past. The blonde ends up settling for a simple, "oh", and she sits on the bed next to Lexa's sprawled out form, providing silent yet steady companionship. Lexa shoots her a grateful look for the silence, obviously still not one hundred percent, and Clarke silently runs through the indicators anemic people would be showing now. Fatigue. She looks at Lexa's sagging form and mentally sighs. Check. 

What else? Dehydration, exhaustion, slow thinking. Dizziness. Shortness of breath and increased heart rate. Headache - probably the reason for Lexa's tense, pained face - and pale, cold skin. Lexa's hand is still in hers, and Clarke blushes slightly before focusing on the nerve endings being set alight by the contact. Yup, definitely colder than usual. Pair all of that with the agonizing cramps, hormones, and various other unpleasant symptoms of Lexa's period...

Well, shit. How had Lexa managed to stay upright, regal, and composed for four hours during that semi-disastrous meeting?

And Lexa kicking him off that balcony, her scathing remarks and semi-cruel comment to the replacement... it had been hot as fuck. 

The fact that Lexa had been able to deal with it, to last as long as she did before breaking down crying, is a testimony to the brunette's strength in and of itself. All Clarke knows at this point is that she wants Lexa. Badly. 

And also that she never, never wants to see Lexa so broken and hurt again. Clarke hates seeing the beautiful brunette in pain. It had broken her heart, hearing Lexa's wracking sobs earlier that day on the balcony. It's a wonder Lexa doesn't cave in on herself, doesn't completely shatter. She's been through so much pain, has had so much taken from her, carries so much responsibility on her shoulders... it's enough to fracture anyone. Clarke wants more than anything for Lexa to let her in, to let her help shoulder that burden. She wants to do whatever she can to minimize that pain. 

And she can start now. 

Lexa cracks an emerald eye open and weakly protests as Clarke withdraws her hand from its place in Lexa's and stands. Clarke gives her a small smile and whispers, "I'm just gonna grab some stuff, okay? I'll be right back." Lexa's eye closes again, she's evidently too exhausted to argue - or in too much pain. Clarke leaves with one last lingering glance and heads into the adjoining bathroom. 

She rummages through a few drawers until she finds a pitcher and some cloth strips. She fills the pitcher with hot water from the rusty tap in the room, knowing that the water temperature will probably be cool enough to use by the time she rejoins Lexa. She also finds some empty plastic containers that she thinks she can repurpose as water bottles, so she fills those with hot water too. 

Then she leaves the bathroom and calls for a servant. The girl is Trishanakru, she can tell by the dots inked onto her forehead. She bows to Clarke and awaits her orders. "Could you.... Do you have any tea? Something to soothe a headache or cramps?" 

The girl looks up - brown eyes meet blue. "Heda is experiencing her monthly pains, sha?"

Clarke nods, a little surprised at this girl's open communication. Usually servants don't ask questions. She opens her mouth to ask what her name is, but the girl is already gone, in search of the tea and hopefully something extra, just to hold Lexa off for a while. 

Indeed, when the girl comes back up ten minutes later, there's more than just tea on the tray. A few things she doesn't realize, like the small metal tin, but she can guess what the strips of thick fabric and the multiple tea bags are for. She nods gratefully at the girl, who bows her head slightly and turns away.

Clarke heads back into Lexa's room to see that the brunette has fallen asleep. She stands there and gapes for a moment. At some point, Lexa had gotten up and taken her armor off, now left in a tight black shirt that shows off her toned body and black pants that hug her shapely legs. She's also wiped her war paint off, and her face is smooth and peaceful and content. High cheekbones and a sharp jawline contribute to the unearthly beauty of the girl in front of her. A pert nose; full, pink lips; long, wavy brown hair that tumbles down to her mid-back... every feature lends itself to the beauty of the goddess lying on that bed. 

Beautiful.

Clarke doesn't realize she's whispered the word aloud until Lexa stirs. Those bright, forest green eyes flutter open, blinking sleepily, and Lexa yawns slightly, stretching her body like a cat. She pauses mid-stretch when she sees Clarke, standing in the center of the room, holding a tray, eyes bulging out of her head as the blonde stares. 

Clarke's brain seems to stop working as Lexa stretches herself out. The edge of Lexa's shirt pulls up, revealing tanned, scarred skin and the sharpest abs Clarke has ever seen. And that was saying something, for a doctor's daughter, who had read countless medical books with very detailed diagrams. The way Lexa is arching her back isn't helping either, her chest protruding from the rest of her body and her legs spreading slightly wider. Clarke tries to shake away the very inappropriate thoughts crossing her mind, of seeing Lexa in that same position while Clarke is on top of her, pleasuring her, making her come again and again. The blonde is sure she's drooling, but she can't tear her eyes away. 

Until Lexa clears her throat slightly. With great effort, Clarke averts her eyes from the tanned expanse of Lexa's abdomen and meets those damning green eyes. There's too many emotions in them for Clarke to analyze, but the light grey blush on Lexa's cheeks says enough.  
They maintain the heated eye contact until Clarke realizes she's still holding the tray. She stumbles over her own feet as she makes her way towards the sitting area in the left quarter of the room. Then she sits down and waves Lexa over.

The brunette watches Clarke's movements, analyzes the meaning behind that stare. When Clarke pats the couch next to her, Lexa gets up and moves towards her (and the long-coveted supplies on that tray), making a soft noise of pain as she sits down. Clarke's eyes are immediately worried again, but Lexa waves her off and reaches for the various items on the tray. 

Unscrewing the pot of broth in the center of the tray first, she grabs a few bowls from the table and ladles some of the stuff out. It's her favorite, a beef broth with mixed vegetables and lots of flavor, and it's her go-to while she's on her cycle - the broth isn't too light, but it isn't too heavy, either. Lexa silently hands a bowl to Clarke, who looks like she wants to object but stops at Lexa's raised brow, then grabs her own bowl and starts eating. 

The brunette makes a sound eerily similar to a moan as she begins eating, and Clarke flushes bright red and looks away, silently willing her mind to get out of the gutter and stop imagining Lexa writhing on the bed beneath Clarke, making the same noise again and again as Clarke teases her, enters her...

She realizes Lexa has asked her a question when she sees the brunette looking at her expectantly. "Um." Clarke stammers. "Wh- Did you say something?" Lexa nods. "I asked if the food was to your liking, seeing as you haven't touched it yet," she says, her face passive but her eyes amused. Clarke grabs the bowl hastily and hisses when the steaming contents slop over the side at her sudden motion and sting her hands. Lexa silently hands her a rag, looking like she really, really wants to laugh, and Clarke glares at her (but not really, because Lexa looks beautiful and carefree sitting curled up on this couch with her, eyes twinkling with amusement and a small smile playing on her lips) and proceeds to clean up the small mess she's made. When she's finally soaked up the spilled soup, she rolls her eyes playfully. "Happy?" she asks Lexa sarcastically, and is delighted when Lexa answers with equal snarkiness. "Yes, Clarke. Seeing you spill and clean up broth is the epitome of joy in my life." 

Clarke laughs out loud and actually starts eating her soup, quickly realizing how good it is and finishing it in record time. Lexa is sipping at her second bowl, watching her scarf down her first bowl and fill her second, and the silence is peaceful and content. 

Once all the soup is gone, Lexa turns her attention to the next few items on the tray. Clarke does the same, furrowing her brow at a few unknown items. Lexa gets up to make her tea, pouring some of the hot water into a mug and dropping a tea bag in it, then turns to Clarke questioningly. Clarke nods her head and Lexa pulls out another mug, repeating the same process and waiting a little while until the tea is ready. Lexa patters back over, sipping from her mug, and sits down, careful not to spill any of the tea. She places Clarke's mug on the table in front of her and settles back in again, sighing contentedly as the taste of chamomile fills her mouth and as warm liquid settles in her stomach, soothing cramps. 

She reaches for the hot water bottles Clarke had filled for her and places a few in strategic spots on her body, sighing again as the tension leaves her body. Clarke smiles at the sight of Lexa so relaxed and leans back into her own seat, content to admire the view. They sit like that for some ten minutes, Lexa with her eyes closed and relieved of the pains plaguing her all day, Clarke staring at the goddess across from her. 

A few moments later, Lexa's eyes open again and she groans. The brunette removes the water bottles and stands up with some difficulty, feeling a little better and a little less dizzy after eating and drinking but still not a hundred percent. Clarke is instantly there, steadying her, and Lexa doesn't want to admit to herself how heavily she leans on the blonde as Lexa makes her way (with Clarke's help) to the bathroom. 

Clarke steps back respectfully as Lexa enters the room and closes the door behind her, shedding her clothing to see that the strips of cloth she placed earlier this morning are essentially soaked through. Her cheeks going slightly grey again, she pokes her head out of the door to see Clarke still standing there, waiting for her to finish. Lexa's heart warms at Clarke's expectant expression, and she smiles a little sheepishly. "Clarke, could you... hand me some of the black strips? I- I am changing the ones from this morning," she rambles slightly. Clarke nods. "Of course. I'll be right back." 

Clarke comes back with a few of those strips clutched in her fist, and Lexa smiles at her gratefully. "Thank you, Ambassador," she says, teasing slightly. "You're welcome, Commander," Clarke says back with the same teasing air. 

Lexa exits the bathroom feeling refreshed. She's in no immediate danger of bleeding through, passing out, or dying, and when she sees Clarke her content smile spreads wider. Clarke raises an eyebrow. "What's got you smiling so wide?" She asks flirtatiously, hoping Lexa will keep it going. She doesn't disappoint: "Well, it is not every day that I have food, free time, and amazing company."

Clarke wills herself not to blush. For fuck's sake, she tells herself, cheeks going pink unwillingly. She said she likes my company. Why are my neurotransmitters going into overdrive?

Lexa's eyeing her, amused again, and Clarke forces her blush to dissipate with pure willpower. She's not sure it works, but she hastens to change the subject anyway. "Are you... good?" Clarke says hesitantly, waving her hand in the general vicinity of Lexa's abdomen. The brunette winces slightly at the reminder. "Better. They are not fully gone, but the tea has helped. And another thing that might help..." 

Lexa makes her way back over to the sitting area and picks up the tin with Nyko's paste in it. At Clarke's questioning glance, she explains, "It is a healing salve. To soothe the cramping." Clarke nods, her mouth forming a silent 'oh'. Lexa unscrews the tin and breathes in the scent of jasmine emanating from the salve. Clarke walks over to stand next to her and does the same. The blonde tilts her head at the paste inside the dented metal tin. "I don't think we had anything like this on the Ark," she muses. "And it relieves cramps?" Lexa nods. "To some extent. It also helps dull the headaches that come with them." Clarke frowns appreciatively, raising her eyebrows. "Interesting. That could definitely be handy when mine hits," she adds, winking at Lexa. The brunette offers her a small smile. "I will tell Nyko to prepare a batch for you and your friends for your own cycle."

Clarke smiles, looking down. The Commander might be cruel and heartless by other people's standards, but this was Lexa, and she was one of the best people Clarke had the pleasure of knowing. She ends up breaking the silence by asking, "How does it work?" 

Lexa, who had been staring at Clarke and quietly ogling her beauty, snaps her gaze back up to sky-blue eyes, more than a little relieved that Clarke hadn't seen Lexa checking her out. The brunette responds, "You lather it onto the area that you are experiencing the cramping." Lexa gestures at her abdomen. "Usually from about the sternum to the hips. You can also put a small amount on your face and temples, for that eases the headache." Clarke nods thoughtfully. "And then, what. The cramps just disappear?" Lexa laughs softly, and Clarke can do nothing but listen to the beautiful sound and stare as Lexa answers, "I wish that was so. No, Clarke. Usually, within a few moments, the pains will lessen, become more bearable. It does not completely eliminate the pain," she continues, "but nonetheless: it is still very helpful, especially on days like today when I cannot remain in my chambers." 

"Will you apply it now?" Is the blonde's next question. Lexa quirks a brow at the seemingly random query but nods. "Yes, the quicker I apply it, the quicker it will go into effect." Clarke takes a deep breath, steeling herself. This is a bad idea. Definitely a bad idea. But she's so tired of dancing around her feelings for Lexa, so tired of pretending that she doesn't want the brunette. And this is pretty much the only way she can think of right now. Before she can lose her nerve, or let common sense win her over, she quickly blurts, "Let me."

Lexa turns her head around to gape at Clarke so fast she gives herself whiplash. "Pardon?" she asks, not sure if she wants Clarke to offer again or not. "I said, 'let me'." Lexa tries not to show how dumbfounded she is. "I know what you said, Clarke. Why?" 

Clarke shrugs, doing her best to keep her features neutral. "To help you?" she says, and hates the way it comes out as a question. "Look," she starts again. "First of all, I'm raised by the best medic in Arkadia. So I can probably help in that sense." Lexa tilts her head at the blonde, contemplative. "Second of all," Clarke continues, "you need to take care of yourself, and sitting in a room for four hours trying to stop a bunch of adults from arguing over taxes is ~definitely~ not my definition of taking care of myself, although I don't know about you." There's the faintest smile pulling on the corner of Lexa's mouth, and Clarke rushes on. "So... I was wondering if you'll let me do it. With your permission. Obviously, because I'm asking. And I wouldn't do anything you weren't comfortable with. Ever. So-" 

Lexa stops her embarrassing word vomit with a soft laugh. A genuine one. And damn if Clarke isn't struck dumb by it. "You are rambling. I understand your meaning, Clarke. And... I do trust you." The last part is uttered in an exhale of breath, so quiet that if Clarke wasn't standing next to the brunette she would have missed it. Clarke looks up from the floor to see Lexa looking at her with so much intensity she forgets how to breathe for a minute. Lexa, mistaking her silence for something else, turns away. 

Desperately, Clarke's hand shoots out, seemingly of it's own accord, and grips Lexa's chin. Before she can second-guess herself, she tightens her grip on Lexa's chin slightly and gently tilts the brunette's face towards her. Clarke gasps at the emotion displayed on Lexa's usually stoic face, at the vulnerability in those beautiful green eyes, and Clarke just really wants to kiss her. 

But she also doesn't want to scare Lexa away, and she doesn't know if Lexa is willing to try again. Not after last time. 

So she watches as Lexa steps away slightly before Clarke says, "I trust you too." And then watches the smile that grows on full, pink lips as the brunette answers, "I would be very grateful if you could help me apply the salve, Clarke." The blonde shivers at the flirtatious tone in Lexa's voice, shivers at the way Lexa says her name - her tongue clicking on the 'k', the trace of her accent showing through - and follows Lexa over to the side of her bed once again. 

Lexa hands the tin to Clarke, and the blonde can't help but let her fingers linger, brushing against Lexa's cool hand. The brunette blushes a light grey again, her Nightblood coming to the surface and betraying her own self-doubt, and Clarke can't even describe how fucking endearing it is. Eventually she pulls back, breaking her eye contact with the still-blushing Grounder, who sits down on the bed and stares up at the blonde hesitantly. Clarke doesn't look away. 

Slowly, so slowly, Lexa's fingers find the hem of her shirt. She inches the garment over her head, reveling in the way Clarke's gaze drifts downwards and then stay there. Setting the black shirt aside, the brunette allows herself a small smirk as Clarke's eyes stay hooked on her abdomen. 

~Holy. Shit.~ 

Clarke can't tear her eyes away from Lexa's completely exposed abdomen. The skin is tanned and criss-crossed with scars, some light and some dark, each no doubt with a badass story behind them. Clarke tries, dammit, she tries to look up, if only to gaze into green eyes and convey everything she wants to say through them, but she cannot stop staring at Lexa. 

~Float me, those abs.~ 

Clarke can feel her mouth watering (and other parts getting equally as wet) but she can't help herself, and she really can't blame herself either. She can't even imagine being embarrassed, not when she's this turned on. Lexa's abs are exactly as defined as Clarke had imagined, just as perfect as the glimpse Clarke had gotten earlier, and Clarke only gets wetter when she thinks about the ways she wants to worship that body. She fights the urge to trail her fingers down those muscles to see how they would react to her touch, to watch them flex and hear Lexa's gasp and feel warm, smooth skin beneath her fingertips...

~Oh, God. This is bad. This is really bad. I'm in way too deep.~

Clarke can't find it in herself to care. 

Lexa is content to watch Clarke ogle her. She won't deny how it makes her feel, won't deny the urge to kiss Clarke hard, especially not when Lexa can finally see that Clarke's eyes are just as full of lust and want as hers are. But she's on her period, and the cramps are back, and as much as she wants to let Clarke take over, as much as she wants to see what, exactly, Clarke would do to her abdomen, she knows Clarke is going to be even more embarrassed later if she doesn't stop staring. 

"Klark." 

At the sound of her name in Lexa's voice, spoken in the Trigedasleng accent, Clarke swallows hard. Her eyes start to slowly drag upwards, tracing muscle and scars until she reaches Lexa's chest area. Her mouth goes dry but she puts in every effort to move her eyes past them. It works. 

Well, after a few minutes, anyway. 

She literally rips her eyes away from Lexa's boobs (the brunette is wearing bindings, but still) and traces Lexa's jawline with her gaze, not yet ready to meet Lexa's eyes. Not ready to face that mortification, the rejection. 

But when Lexa reaches out and tilts her head upwards with a single finger, Clarke finds sapphire meeting emerald. And there's not a single bit of discomfort or judgment in Lexa's forest-green eyes. In fact, the heat present in those eyes makes Clarke want to devour her whole. 

~Cramps. Period. Anemia.~

Okay, okay, so she got a little carried away. But Clarke wills the wetness pooling in her core to dissipate at remembering the fact that Lexa is in pain. The Grounder woman's eyes are slowly calming again as well, and for a moment they just stare at each other. 

~Well, that wasn't exactly how I expected ~that~ to go.~ Clarke thinks, thumbing the dents in the worn metal of the tin and screwing it open again. Both women subtly breathe in the relaxing scent, and Lexa's shoulders relax. "Clarke..." 

The blonde looks up at Lexa nervously. "Yes?"

"What was that?"

Clarke expects herself to bristle, become defensive. But the question wasn't spoken with malice, or disbelief, or any negativity really - and something in Lexa's tone tells her that the brunette is expecting Clarke to snap at her, expecting Clarke to turn and walk away. To leave her alone, just like everyone else in Lexa's life had left her alone.

There's no way in hell Clarke is going to leave her alone. 

Clarke sighs and steels herself. "I don't know. I just... can we talk about this later? First, we should probably do this," - she gestures in the general vicinity of Lexa's abdomen, not letting her eyes drop and get caught again - "so that you're not in pain while we talk. Okay?" Lexa nods.

Lexa lays back, swinging her legs onto the bed in a single graceful movement that had her muscles flexing, particularly her abs, and Clarke's attempts to keep her eyes up aren't futile. Lexa closes her eyes while Clarke places the cap of the salve on the small bedside table and sits down on the edge of the bed, trying in vain to stop her butt from slipping off. 

Well, that isn't working. And she can only think of one other way.

"Um, Lexa?" The brunette hums in acknowledgement, and the gentle noise makes Clarke's heart melt, but she presses on. "I'm going to have to sit on you." 

Lexa's eyes fly open. 

~Shit, shit, shit.~

"That didn't come out right," Clarke exclaims hastily. "I didn't mean it like that. I only meant that I can't sit on the edge of this bed, and it'll be easier for both of us if I just sit on your legs or something. Oh, gods, that sounds even worse. I'm sorry. This is terrible. I should stop talking. Why can't I stop talking?" She chances a glance back down at Lexa; the poorly disguised panic at Clarke's initial words has left them and they're filled with quiet amusement instead. Clarke sighs. "You know what I mean." Lexa smirks slightly. "Yes, Clarke. I know what you mean." After a pause, she continues, "Do what you have to do." 

Taking that as permission, Clarke hesitantly climbs onto the bed and tries not to think about how perfectly their bodies fit together as she straddles Lexa's thighs. ~Oh, gods, please give me some semblance of control,~ she thinks desperately, feeling the heat of Lexa's body even through the pants they were both wearing. 

Lexa's eyes have darkened considerably, and she turns her head to make sure Clarke doesn't notice. The brunette doesn't really know what's going on, but whatever it is, she likes it. She hasn't felt this way since Costia. And maybe it's time for her to finally come out of the darkness. 

That is, of course, assuming that Clarke wants it as well. After seeing the blonde openly stare at her body not once, not twice, but a total of three times in the last hour alone, however, has Lexa approximately 95% sure that Clarke is physically attracted to her, at least. 

The emotional aspect is still up in the air, and Lexa knows that she and Clarke are going to be having a long talk about whatever this was between them after Clarke applies the salve. Speaking of, it's been a while since Clarke moved. Lexa shifts slightly, getting just a tad bit impatient. 

Bad idea. 

The shift in Lexa's hips grinds directly into Clarke's core, and ~oh gods~ Clarke's body is on fire and she squeezes her eyes shut and clamps down hard on the strangled moan that threatens to escape her mouth. And then she bites her lip. Hard. 

Where her self-control comes from, the blonde has no idea. But Clarke manages to keep her hands to herself, to stop her hips from gyrating into Lexa's, and she quickly focuses on the task at hand. In this position, she can see that Lexa's body is inked, black twisting lines and patterns swirling over the brunette's sides, tips peeking out over those abs. Clarke hesitates, then traces one, making sure to remain on a relatively modest area of skin. Lexa shivers underneath her, and Clarke can't deny the rush it gives her. When she speaks again, her voice is huskier than normal, and she's sure Lexa picks up on it. "These are beautiful."

Lexa's eyes open, green eyes meeting blown-out blue ones. "We get them when we complete training as warriors. The more credentials you have when you finish, the more detailed the tattoos get. The highest ranking warrior and the best fighter get them all across their sides, while the others get them in some places but not all."

Clarke looks down. "So you were the highest ranking warrior in your group?"

Lexa nods. Clarke goes on, "Did it hurt?" Lexa shrugs slightly. "It stung. But it was natural." Clarke chews on the inside of her cheek. "Do you have other tattoos?" 

Lexa hesitates for a moment, and then nods. "Yes. I have one on my back, one on the base of my neck, and the one on my arm." (A/N: these are the original tattoos from the actual show. The warrior tattoos I made up because damn tattoos look good on Lexa and I think Clarke would agree.)

Clarke realizes that her fingers are still tracing Lexa's tattoos, running up and down her sides. She lets her fingers stray to Lexa's front, tentatively tracing her abs, brushing her thumb lightly over the various scars. Lexa shudders again. 

~Cramps. Period. Anemia.~

Clarke clears her throat, dips her fingers into the salve. It's cool to the touch, and she rubs it between her fingers to warm it up. "Where should I apply it?"

Lexa points to a spot on her abs, not breaking eye contact with Clarke, and the blonde smirks slightly. She slowly lowers her fingers to the muscle, feeling it tense beneath her touch and from the cold of the salve, starkly contrasting the heated silk of Lexa's skin. "Here?" 

Lexa bites down on a gasp so hard she nearly chokes on it. "Yes," she manages. Clarke's grin widens. "And here, too?" 

She presses her fingers to another muscle, the cramping relieved by the salve and Clarke's gentle touch. Lexa hates her body for betraying her, hates her mouth for parting ever so slightly, just enough to let a breathy noise slip. ~Jok ai.~ she thinks furiously. ~Hodnes laik kwelnes. Hodnes laik kwelnes.~

Her body didn't seem to think so. 

Clarke continues her ministrations on top of Lexa, and Lexa closes her eyes and focuses on not letting Clarke hear the noises the blonde is coaxing from her. Despite her best efforts, however, a few small gasps and moans slip out. 

Finally, ~finally~, after a few more moments the pleasurable torture is over. Both girls faces are burning when Clarke finally sits back and caps the salve, but Clarke is wearing a smirk and Lexa a content smile. 

Lexa sighs slightly and lets her head fall further back into the pillow behind her. The cramps have been - for the most part - eased, she's lying in bed, she's full from stew and tea, and she's near Clarke. Clarke, who touches her so reverently. Clarke, who bothered to see past the Commander's mask, who makes her feel like it is okay to just be Lexa. 

The brunette taps the spot next to her on the bed, a silent invitation. Clarke hesitates, obviously torn. A million thoughts are running through Clarke's head, too fast to comprehend. ~Am I going too far? Should I give her some space? Some privacy? Is she just trying to be polite?~ As if sensing those thoughts, Lexa exhaustedly cracks an eye open and makes a sound that can only be considered a whine, then taps the space again. Insistently. 

Clarke can't help but smile at the adorableness (is that a word?) of Lexa's actions, and her mind is made up. She rolls off of Lexa, immediately bemoaning the lack of Lexa's body against her own, and settles next to her. 

But still an appropriate distance away.   
That doesn't last very long- for the first time in years, Lexa is craving physical contact, and she rolls over so that she is facing Clarke's front. The blonde's breathing hitches, but Lexa isn't thinking straight, and all she knows is that she is cold and wants Clarke's arms around her and she is slowly falling for this blonde so she keeps shifting until their fronts are touching. Clarke gasps as Lexa's arms snake around her, clutching at her clothes needily, and after only a split second of delay her own arms go around Lexa, holding the brunette to her. Lexa sighs contentedly, deciding that she'll deal with this mess when she wakes up, and boldly buries her face into the crook of Clarke's neck. 

At this, the blonde jolts, because the contact is everything she ever wanted and she knows that there is no way in hell she is going to pull away. Lexa needs comfort, needs warmth, needs reassurance that despite the fact that she is the Commander she is still human. Still vulnerable. Still deserving of love and care. And Clarke wants to be the one who provides that comfort. 

Her hand goes up to cup the back of Lexa's head, running through her slightly curly hair, marveling at how soft it is, undoing braids and setting hairties aside. The feeling of Clarke's hand running through her hair is a sensation she never knew she needed, but she loves it, and it relaxes her even further. Clarke can feel Lexa breathing exhaustedly into her neck, and she continues combing Lexa's hair with her fingers until the brunette falls asleep.

The blonde joins her soon after. 

Lexa wakes up in a cocoon of warmth, a hand running up and down her back gently. She feels safe. Protected. 

Then she remembers what happened, how she ended up here, and her eyes shoot open, widening considerably. 

"Good morning," Clarke hums. She's been awake for the last ten minutes, watching a tranquil Lexa sleep, which is probably really creepy but Clarke doesn't care. When Lexa sleeps, all the worry lines leave her face and she looks so relaxed. Lexa is still warm and soft from sleep in her arms and Clarke thinks that this is probably the best thing that has ever happened to her. 

Lexa is the best thing that has ever happened to her. 

The thought should panic her, should send her mind and nerve endings into overdrive, but for some reason it only calms her further. She thinks that she has been denying the fact that she's had feelings for Lexa for far too long and she finally wants to do something about it. 

"How long have I been asleep?" Lexa mumbles, not meeting Clarke's eyes. Her voice is slightly hoarse from sleep and Clarke quells the shiver running down her spine before answering. "A few hours." Indeed, when Lexa looks up, the sun is still shining brightly through the windows. 

Clarke allows a few moments of peaceful silence before beinging up ~the question~. 

"Lexa, what is this? What are we?" 

Lexa's mind starts spinning, scrambling for control, for something to say to fix it, fix this. She can't think of anything except the truth, and she knows she owes it to Clarke to tell her it, even if she gets rejected. 

She hopes she won't get rejected. 

"Clarke. I- I do not presume to know what you want. But... I want this. Whatever this is. I want to be with you however I can be, Clarke. And if you don't want that, then that is your decision, and I will accept it. I just wanted you to know where I stand. In case it was not clear previously." 

Clarke feels a smile stretching across her face, and she speaks next in a whisper. "You want this?" 

Lexa's eyes are open and Clarke can read every emotion in them like a book as Lexa whispers back, "I want you." 

Clarke's smile grows as she says, "Well, good, because I want you too. However I can have you. And I know that you have your duties, and that things are complicated, but we will get through it together, if you allow me to assist you." Lexa smiles, a soft, tentative curve of her lips. "Ogeda?" (Together?)

"Ogeda. Otaim." (Together. Always.)


	2. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The College AU where Clarke is Party Girl Griffin, Lexa is an adorkable gay ball but with PTSD, and the two of them are so familiar to each other but they've never met before.   
> It's not exactly a reincarnation fic, and they don't remember their past lives, but they do know each other somehow.   
> WARNING: MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE. DO NOT READ IF THAT IS A TRIGGER.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where it’s sophomore year in college and Lexa Woods has just transferred to Polis University, majoring in Political Science. She meets her roommate, Clarke Griffin, who’s majoring in Art Studies. The blonde has a pull to her that Lexa can’t explain, but Lexa doesn’t talk to her much: when Lexa’s not studying, she’s sleeping, and Clarke’s always going to parties and passing out drunk once she gets back to the dorm. Until, one night, she doesn’t.

Lexa drops the heavy bag onto her bed, panting. For someone who doesn’t own much, that suitcase weighs about four hundred pounds. 

Okay, so she’s exaggerating. But she’s also climbed up six flights of stairs to get to her dorm room, number 648, and that bag did weigh a lot. 

Shaking her head, she looks around the room. There’s a good amount of space, two decently-sized beds, a giant closet split in two. One bed is positioned underneath a window, the other separated from the first by a small nightstand. There are two desks located across from the beds, facing the walls. From what she saw outside, this is the first of four different bedrooms, each housing two people. There’s a kitchenette, living room, and two bathrooms outside, each on either side of the living room. The door to one of the bathrooms adjoins to a small cubicle in the corner of the room, and Lexa makes sure the door is locked before turning back to face her room. 

Welcome to Polis University, Lexa.

Upon closer inspection, she sees that there is already a suitcase leaning against the bedpost of the bed closest to the window. It’s contents are strewed around on the floor: expensive-looking clothing and random textbooks and boxes of art supplies. 

So her roommate is an art major. Lexa shrugs. Okay. Turning to the other side of the room, which is apparently her side now, she takes in the space she has to work with. Lexa has always been somewhat freakishly neat, even in the various group homes she’s been shoved into, and her brain is already analyzing, picturing what goes where and why. The brunette opens her suitcase and starts laying her stuff out the way she wants them, putting those textbooks on the top shelf, making her bed. She doesn’t have many possessions, but she does have what she needs, and she drops her backpack to the ground with a groan (having forgotten about it earlier, only reminded by the aching in her shoulders), sifting through it and making sure - for the seventh time in the last couple of hours alone - that everything is there.

It all seems to be in order, so she finishes tweaking a few details, letting her mind wander in the quiet. Anya had driven her here, but Lexa had insisted that she was fine to set up alone, and eventually her dirty-blonde friend had relented. Anya is pretty much the only person Lexa is close to, seeing as they had been through similar situations in the foster homes. They’d met when Lexa was nine, and they had clicked. Since then her social worker had ensured that they went to the same homes when it was time to move. Anya had grown out of the system three years ago, but still kept dropping in and taking her out whenever she could. Then Lexa had hit eighteen, and she was free.

Lexa had spent freshman year in a community college in a city called Azgeda. She’d always been a good student, getting the best grades. When Anya had heard that full-ride scholarships were being given out here, she'd convinced Lexa to apply. The board had Lexa take a test, which Lexa had passed with flying colors. She’d been awarded the scholarship, and now here she was. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by the slamming of a door in the distance and abrupt laughter. Lexa winces but quickly covers it up, silently chastising herself. ~You’re out, you’re safe. He can’t hurt you anymore.~ 

People are talking outside her room, and she figures they lived here, so Lexa steps out and the talking comes to a halt. There are three people, two boys and one girl, standing outside the door, two of them fiddling around with keys to their own respective rooms. 

“Hey!” The girl says energetically. “You live here too?” ~Obviously,~ Lexa wants to say, but she restrains herself. No need to make enemies out of some girl she’s going to be living with for the next year. “Yeah,” she responds somewhat quietly. “I’m Octavia,” the girl goes on. “I’m a sophomore here. I’m in 650, right down there,” - she points her thumb over her shoulder at a door on the other side of the living room. “This is my brother, Bellamy, and his boyfriend, Murphy. They’re juniors.” 

Some of the tension leaves Lexa’s shoulders as she hears the fact that the two boys are together. She had been a little worried about homophobia, but at least here she might not have to deal with too much of it. “Hi,” she says to the two boys. “I’m Lexa. I’m a sophomore as well.” Octavia grins. “Awesome. What room are you?” Lexa points behind her. “648.” 

Octavia nods. “Oh. Some of the stuff in there might not actually be for that room. A friend of ours left some stuff at our place so we could drive it here. We just put it in there for the time being. She might not be your roommate though, so if she's not we'll get it out." Lexa assumes she's talking about the textbooks and art supplies and nods. "Well, I’ll introduce you to the others. We pretty much all know each other from high school, so we know each other a little better than you know us… ouch, that sounded mean. I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.” Lexa smiles, and for the first time in ages it’s not forced. “It’s fine, I get what you mean.”   
Octavia keeps talking. “So you’ll either be with Monty, Raven, Echo, or Clarke. Oooh, I hope I’m not with Monty. That would be awkward. I mean, imagine sharing a room with a guy the whole year.” Octavia shudders comically. “That would be terrible.” 

Lexa’s brows are inching up her forehead steadily. She’s never met someone as talkative as Octavia. The girl barely pauses for breath before launching into a new sentence. Bellamy laughs and ruffles Octavia’s hair. “O, breathe. Leave the girl alone.” Turning to Lexa, he says apologetically, “Sorry. She’s almost always like this. Unless she’s drunk, then she’s worse.” Lexa finds herself smiling with the three. 

As the two siblings start fighting about something trivial, Lexa gets a chance to study them a little further. Octavia has long, straight brown hair and grey-green eyes. Bellamy has black hark and dark eyes to go with them, and Murphy has brown hair and brown eyes. 

Murphy steps closer to her. “Hey, sorry about that. They’re pretty annoying sometimes. But they’re cool, when they’re not fighting anyway. John Murphy, but I just prefer Murphy.” He sticks his hand out, and after a moment of hesitation, Lexa takes it. 

Just then, the door bangs open again. Lexa barely masks her wince this time, but everyone’s too focused on the newcomer to notice. 

"The party has arrived, bitches!" A woman's voice rings out, and Octavia laughs. "Hey, Rae." 

A girl rounds the corner into the area in front of the doors. "Octavia!" The two girls hug and Lexa observes the two. The newcomer has long brown hair and brown eyes. Her most defining feature, however, is the giant metal brace attached to her leg. Murphy sees Lexa looking and nudges her. "Don't comment on it. She's sensitive about her leg." Lexa nods. "I wasn't going to say anything." 

The girl does some sort of complicated handshake with Bellamy who laughs, and she gives Murphy a high five. Then she turns to Lexa. 

The Latina raises her eyebrows. "Hellooo, hottie," she drawls. Octavia slaps her on the shoulder. "Raven, this is Lexa. Lexa, Raven." Lexa manages a smile. Raven laughs. "Don't worry, I'm only joking. You're gorgeous, but I have a type." Lexa turns to the boys. "Is she always this forward?" Octavia nods vigorously and Bellamy says with a small smile, "Usually she's worse." 

Raven punches Bellamy and then turns to Octavia. "What are the room assignments?" 

Bellamy and Murphy have 651, Lexa learns. Octavia and Raven are roommates, which they seem very happy about, down in 650. "Monty texted me beforehand," Raven tells the group. "He's in 649. So Lexa here," - she gestures in her general vicinity - "is either stuck with Echo or Clarke." 

~Bang.~

The door slams again and Lexa tries to stop her flinch, she really does, but she can't reign it in. Murphy raises an eyebrow at her and Octavia looks concerned but she waves them off - besides, they're already distracted again by the two newcomers. "Echo and Monty," Raven whispers in Lexa's ear, pointing to each respectively. "Echo's scary until you get to know her. Then she's okay. But still a little scary. I feel bad for Monty. Looks like they're roommates." The corner of Lexa's mouth twitches. "Monty is in junior year with me, Bell and Murphy. He's really nice. And super smart. He's majoring in Botany. Bell is majoring in engineering, and Murphy is majoring in... actually, I don't know. He's kind of private." Lexa turns to her. "And you?" Raven beams. "Aerospace engineering." Lexa raises her eyebrows, impressed. "Wow. That's some high level stuff." Raven flushes with pride. "Thanks. How about you?" 

Lexa shrugs. "Political Science. I'm looking to get into law school." Raven whistles. "Hot and smart. You've really got it going for you, don't you..." It takes Lexa a moment to realize that Raven wants her last name. "Woods." 

"Woods," Raven finishes. She points at herself. "Reyes." 

Lexa smiles. She's made a couple of friends, at least. 

They lapse into easy conversation, even Lexa shyly offering input, until the next disruption occurs. 

Something falls in the hallway, making a lot of racket, and Lexa prides herself on not flinching this time. The next noises that follow are a long stream of words. Very colorful words. Everyone in the dorm except Echo and Raven flinch at the onslaught. "Son of a bitch dorm has to be on the fucking sixth floor, doesn't it. And this fucking bag couldn't get any fucking lighter. And Mom couldn't have fucking offered to fucking help. Noooo, she fucking couldn't. God fucking forbid I have some fucking help lugging this fucking suitcase up six fucking flights of fucking stairs."

Raven is grinning. "That," she whispers conspiratorially, "is the one and only Clarke Griffin. And apparently your roommate." Lexa, still a little shocked, sighs. "Hold on, I'll be right back," the brown-eyed girl says, then rushes off out the door.

Outside, Clarke Griffin is very, very pissed; very, very tired; and very, very, very hungover. And maybe more than a little drunk. When one of her two best friends comes running out of their dorm, she sighs and dramatically collapses against the stairwell. "I can't go on," she moans, and Raven slaps her. "Hey, get up. Fix your hair. Tuck in your shirt."

Clarke stands up and automatically does what she says. "Wait, why?" she asks, halfway through tucking her blue blouse into the high-waisted jeans she's wearing. "Shh. And because," Raven hisses. "you have a very, very, ~very~ hot roommate, and she already has a terrible impression of you because you came clunking up the stairs swearing like a sailor." 

Clarke huffs. "Like you, you mean." Raven shrugs and waves the comment away. "Whatever. My point is, look presentable!" 

Clarke can only imagine what she looks like after dragging her piece-of-shit, falling apart suitcase up six flights, but presentable is definitely not it.

Raven darts around her, smoothing stray strands of hair back, pulling Clarke's jeans up and her blouse down to show a little cleavage. Clarke is a little shocked but not really. She's known Raven for years, and this behavior, while maybe a little out of the normal, isn't the worst that's happened. Besides, she would never pass up the opportunity to impress a hot girl. 

Raven raises a brow as Clarke tucks a final fly away behind her ear and sighs. "Okay. She's really hot enough to attract your attention?" Raven is usually quite picky about looks, so if her new roommate caught her eye, she's got to be some jaw-dropping goddess." Raven rolls her eyes. "I'm not that picky." 

Clarke smiles knowingly at her. "Okay," her friend grumbles. "Maybe I'm a little picky." 

The blonde bends down to pick up her suitcase and grins, wobbling slightly. "Okay. Okay, I'm good. Let's go." Raven shakes her head, sighing, exasperated. "You really shouldn't have shown up for your first day on campus hungover, Griffin." Clarke ignores her, walking past her into the room. 

Octavia is smirking at her, and she moves in for a hug, holding the blonde tightly. "I'm scandalized, Griffin," she murmurs, laughing quietly. "How many times can you fit the word 'fuck' in a sentence?" Clarke grumbles something incoherent and Octavia laughs. "Good to see you too, O."

She greets Bellamy, Murphy, and Echo. Raven has rejoined her in the room and as she's listening to the punch line of Monty's highly nerdy joke, the brunette nudges Clarke. 'What?' she mouths at the Latina, who nudges her again and then jerks her chin towards a figure standing in the corner of the room, silently observing the encounters. 

Lexa is screwed. 

She is so, so screwed. 

The blonde isn't supposed to be so pretty. She isn't supposed to have hair like gold and sparkling blue eyes and the most beautiful laugh Lexa has ever heard. She isn't supposed to have a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and full, kissable lips and pale, clear skin. She isn't supposed to be Lexa's roommate. She isn't supposed to be Lexa's crush. 

She isn't supposed to, but she is anyway. 

Lexa watches as everyone in the room greets Clarke Griffin. She seems easygoing and fun, if not a little tipsy. They all seem comfortable, laughing and making inside jokes, and the sight of it makes Lexa panic for a moment. She does not fit in with these people. She will never fit in with these people. There are too many jokes she doesn't get, too many shared experiences she wasn't here for, too many words and tears exchanged that she could never hope to understand. 

~Calm, down, Lexa,~ she can practically hear Anya saying. ~You're going to be fine.~

Lexa wishes she believes it. 

She's jolted rather abruptly out of her self-induced panic attack when Raven says rather loudly, "And ~this~ is your new roommate!" The statement itself is heavily emphasized, for some reason, but Lexa pays it no mind. Her eyes are fixed on the hem of her shirt, on her shoes, on the suddenly ~fascinating~ texture of the hardwood floor beneath her feet, anywhere but the deep blue eyes of Clarke Griffin. She can feel the blonde's inquisitive gaze on her, and she prays she'll be able to hold out until Clarke loses interest.

The blonde does not lose interest, and Lexa lasts about 0.5 seconds before glancing up and meeting Clarke's eyes. 

When Raven said the roommate was hot, Clarke had high expectations. 

And this girl?

She didn't meet them. 

She fucking obliterated those expectations. Smashed through the bar Clarke had set and kept on climbing. 

Because, ~damn~. Clarke had to make an effort to pick her goddamn jaw up off the floor. 

The new girl's body alone is astounding. Fucking top notch. Clarke absently wonders how long the brunette has to exercise to get herself into shape like that. Then she absently wonders how long it would take for her to convince the brunette to let her touch that body. 

~Bad Clarke. Very bad Clarke. Come, on, Griffin, you just met the girl. Stop being a horny drunk.~ 

Clarke rips her eyes away from the toned, lithe body; from the tanned skin; from the considerable swell of the girl's boobs and ass; and allows her gaze to travel up further, only to see the girl looking back at her.

Behind a curtain of wavy, long brown hair, a sculpted jawline and high cheekbones define the structure of the girl's face. Her lips are full and pink, her nose pert and straight, but what really gets Clarke is her eyes. 

They're so fucking green. 

She swears she's immediately sober just staring into them. There's a whole damn forest in those eyes, shades of green dancing with the warm light in the room, and Clarke loses herself in them. Emerald green meets sapphire blue, and just the vibrancy of the green in those eyes is absolutely stunning. Clarke hasn't ever seen a shade of green close to the deep saturation in those eyes, even though she knows that later she will try to paint them anyway. 

Well, damn. 

Clarke only realizes they've been staring for a couple moments too long when Bellamy clears his throat, looking amused. Clarke shoots him a glare for interrupting their moment and then turns back to the brunette, but she's already looked down, a faint pink blush covering her cheeks. ~Cute.~

There’s this pull, towards the brunette, that she can’t shake. A gravity. She doesn’t know why, but the familiarity of this girl takes her breath away. She ~knows~ this girl, but she also knows that she’s never seen her before in her life. 

"I'm Clarke Griffin," she says, intrigued, extending her hand for her new roommate to shake. "Your new roommate. Though you've probably figured that out already," she rolls her eyes at Raven, "with a little help from a certain annoying brunette. Two of them, actually." Octavia and Raven huff in unison, then grin at each other. 

The brunette studies her for a second. Lexa looks at Clarke, already feeling herself let her walls down and letting this blonde in. She judges the honesty in Clarke's eyes, clear and piercing, as if the alcohol was never there. Then she smiles slightly. "Lexa. Lexa Woods," she says softly.

She takes Clarke's hand and tries not to think of how her palms are probably sweating and instead just focuses on the sparks that go through her body at even that simple touch. She lets go too quickly, already missing the warmth of Clarke's hand in hers, but she knows she has to. Knows she has to push the blonde away. She needs to keep herself safe, and can't afford getting distracted. Not this year, not when she could lose her scholarship and end up back in the city of Azgeda. If you can even call that shithole a city. 

Clarke takes a risk with the next question. “Do I know you?” 

Lexa knows what she’s referring to; she’s referring to this pull, this strange sense of knowing each other. “Um, no,” she says haltingly. “I don’t think so.” Clarke studies the brunette. “You sure?”

Lexa stiffens slightly without even realizing it. ~Yes, I’m sure,~ she wants to say. ~Because I’m pretty sure you’re not a foster kid, and there’s no way in hell someone like you went to the shitty community college in Azgeda.~ But she doesn’t say that. She just simply replies with ‘yes’. 

From the moment Clarke asks ‘you sure’, she can feel a shift in the brunette. Somehow, she knows that the words hurt her. Somehow, she knows that when the brunette chews on her lip like that it means she’s beyond nervous. Just like she somehow knows that when Lexa plays with her thumbs it means she’s lying. That when she shifts from one foot to another four times or more it means she's hella uncomfortable. ~How the fuck does she know all that?~ 

She’s only biting her lip for now, but Clarke can feel the tension increase. 

Clarke is staring at her, but Lexa only offers the rest a small, somewhat forced smile before saying, "I should get back to unpacking. You guys probably want to catch up." After a chorus of goodbyes (and a few protests from Raven and Clarke), she disappears into the safety of her dorm. 

Not so safe anymore, she realizes, what with Clarke as her roommate.

Lexa has a feeling everything is going to change. 

\----

Clarke Griffin slams her piece of charcoal onto her desk so hard it cracks in two, and leaves a sizable smudge on her half-finished sketch. "Dammit!" she exclaims, seeing the mess she's made. "Dammit, dammit, ~dammit~." Her professor, a woman who insisted the students call her Becca, shoots her a half-frustrated, half-amused look, and Clarke shoots her an apologetic glance before sweeping the rest of the charcoal bits into her art kit and doing her best to rub out the smudge. 

It's halfway through the first semester, and these classes are already kicking Clarke's ass. 

She sighs and stands, packing up the remnants of her supplies and rummaging through her bag to get her phone. Class is pretty much over, and Becca usually lets them out early anyway, so she makes her way over to the door without being stopped. Frantically texting Octavia and Raven, she makes her way across campus and somehow ends up on autopilot, finding herself sprawled out on her bed. 

Clarke wants to sleep, drink herself into oblivion, and have an orgasm. And maybe that's a dangerous combination, but she's on the verge of exploding, and if one more piece of charcoal or shading pencil or ~anything~ snaps in half again, she's sure her temper will too. 

Texting the Bitches4Life group chat (containing none other that Octavia Blake and Raven Reyes, of course), she types up a quick plea and then hits send. 

Clarke: pls tell me theres a party tonight

A few moments later, she gets an answer. 

Bitch #1: hell yeah  
Bitch #1: u up for it princess?

Clarke groans at the nickname and texts back. 

Clarke: rae istg if u dont stop calling me that...

Raven responds a moment later.

Bitch #1: what  
Bitch #1: whatll you do  
Clarke: just shut up  
Bitch #2: are you two already fighting  
Bitch #1: we're not fighting  
Clarke: we're not fighting octavia  
Bitch #1: i said it first  
Bitch #2: ur both idiots. and yes, there's a party tonight. at lincoln's.  
Clarke: oooh at lover boy's place?  
Bitch #2: stop calling him that 😤  
Clarke: when do u guys get out of class  
Bitch #2: ive been out for hours. hanging out at grounders

Grounders Cafe is single handedly the one thing still keeping the students at Polis Uni going. Their coffee has just the right amount of caffeine and their baked goods are excellent. Clarke hangs out there pretty often, studying or meeting up with friends. 

The fact that she's been there so often has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the fact that a certain roommate worked there part-time. It has absolutely nothing to do with it at all. 

That's what Clarke's been telling herself, at least. 

Her phone pings again, and Clarke looks down at her screen to see another notification from the chat. 

Bitch #1: ill be out in hlfa an hour  
Bitch #1: half*  
Bitch #1: meet in clarkeys room?  
Clarke: um, no   
Clarke: lexa might be there  
Bitch #2: clarke  
Bitch #1: clarke 🙄  
Clarke: what  
Bitch #1: either admit u have feelings for her or stfu  
Bitch #2: ^^  
Bitch #1: sooo?  
Clarke: ...no comment  
Clarke: and i hate u both  
Bitch #2: u love us 🥰  
Bitch #1: see ya in half an hour, clarkey  
Clarke: I NEVER SAID YOU COULD COME UP   
Clarke: GUYS  
Clarke: SERIOUSLY  
Clarke: i need new friends

After seeing that neither Raven nor Octavia were going to answer, Clarke sighs and gets back up. She heats a plate of ramen up and eats it while scrolling through Instagram, waiting for her two friends to come up. She knows from experience that lining her stomach with food will help her keep the alcohol down, and as long as she doesn't get ~too~ hammered, it will keep the vomiting to a minimum. 

Half an hour later, she's almost done with her noodles, has refreshed her feed about forty times, and is scrolling through reels when she hears the door open. "Hey bitch," Raven says, plopping down next to her and making Clarke almost drop her phone. Raven then proceeds to grab the remains of Clarke's food and finishes it, smacking her lips obnoxiously after she finishes. Clarke stares at her with shock and pure fury. Raven smiles and then shrugs. "Haven't eaten since breakfast. Which was half a piece of burnt toast." Clarke scoffs. "Yeah, right. I saw you eat two plates of egg and bacon, plus a whole stack of pancakes." Raven shrugs again. "A little white lie never hurt anybody." Clarke pouts at her, and Octavia chooses that moment to walk in. "What's Clarke upset about now?" she asks teasingly, and Clarke's pout increases. "She ate my noodles," she whines, well aware that she sounds like a four year old right now. Octavia laughs and drops a bag of donuts onto the bed, which Raven immediately leaps on. A brutal game of tug-of-war ensues. 

"No, Raven-" Octavia grunts. "These- are- for- breakfast-" She manages to flip Raven and using the Latina's surprise as an advantage, snatches the bag out of her hand. She grins triumphantly. "Haha, you can't reach," she says to the shorter girl. Raven huffs. 

"You two are children," Clarke sighs, making her way to the closet. Octavia scoffs playfully. "She ate my nooooodles," she says, imitating Clarke's whiney tone. Raven laughs and Clarke gives both girls the finger over her shoulder. 

Another half hour later, the three are ready to go. they've got some time to kill before they leave, though, so they lounge around in the shared living room and touch up each other's makeup. Raven's dressed in a casual button down and pants, with her trademark red bomber jacket topping the whole thing off. On anyone else, it would look weird, but Raven manages to pull the look off. Octavia's in a medium-length leather skirt and a black blouse - she doesn't really have to impress anyone at this party except for Lincoln, seeing as he was her boyfriend. Clarke and Raven had teased her about the simplicity of her outfit initially, but the grey-eyed girl had shrugged and said that this was good enough for Lincoln.

Although Clarke and Raven had managed to get her to apply some smoky makeup to compensate for the lack of a sexy outfit. 

And Clarke? A short gold skirt that barely reached mid-thigh and a very, very sheer white blouse tucked into it, with shiny gold heels and a touch of golden eyeshadow, just to make the blue of her eyes pop. 

She knows she looks good in that outfit: the push up bra she's wearing paired with the low-cut blouse show off plenty of cleavage, and her legs are almost completely visible in this skirt. There’s really only one person she wants to impress, though, and that person is currently sitting in 648, studying for an exam. That’s usually how it goes with Lexa. She goes to class, studies, reads, sleeps. No parties. When she’d asked Lexa why not, the girl had stiffened and said something along the lines of “too much noise”, and while Clarke had known that the statement had been partially true, there is more to it. 

Clarke shivers, and it’s totally because the heater is broken in the living room and ~not~ because she’s imagining Lexa in party attire. 

It's October and starting to get a little chilly, after all, so she knows that maybe this isn't the most practical outfit, but she just wants to get out there and drink until she forgets her name. Bellamy is going too, and he's the one making sure they'll all be getting back safe, so she knows she's pretty much safe in that department. 

In ten minutes they're off, arriving at Lincoln's dorm to find the party in full swing. "Hey!" he greets them, pulling Octavia in for a kiss. "Drinks in the kitchen, we're playing beer pong in the living room. Also Jasper's serving moonshine shots, so if you're looking to get a little buzzed," he winks at Clarke, "get yourself over there." 

Clarke wastes no more time, wading through the party-goers among shouts of "Party Girl Griffin!" and accepts the drinks shoved into her hands. Polis is really strict on it's drugs, and each student has been checked thoroughly at least ten times before being allowed to enter campus. She knows it's all safe, and even if some of it isn't, her friends will be here all night. 

She knocks back two, three, four shots of Jasper's moonshine concoction ("Tequila, vodka, and a hint of beer all in one!" he says proudly when revealing it), grimacing as the liquid burns down her throat - but in a welcome way. After the next couple of Solo cups making their way into her hands are drained, she feels herself letting loose.

The rest of the night is a blur, and she definitely has a lot more alcohol than she should, but she's only been to six parties so far this semester and she wants to build her tolerance back up. She knows, somewhere, in the back of her mind, that she'll feel terrible tomorrow, but all she can feel right now is free and frankly it's everything she needs. So when the local fuckboy Finn Collins comes up to her and motions to the bathroom, she agrees. 

A terrible orgasm later, she's stumbling out of the bathroom. Finn is long gone, moving onto the next girl, probably, and Clarke's head is pounding. She's just glad she remembered to insist on him wearing protection. It's past two in the morning and the party is still going strong, and she knows everyone is going to get their asses kicked by the RA tomorrow for the music and bawdy shouting that's probably waking up half the campus, but again, she doesn't care. She's living in the moment, and when she drunkenly sees Bellamy mouthing "time to go?" at her she shakes her head adamantly. She'll have a little more fun. 

Two hours later, she's nearly collapsed from exhaustion, and she's surprised she even makes it to her dorm, with or without Octavia and Raven's help. They're all giggling drunkenly, grinning stupidly and leaning on each other and making a lot of noise and they'll probably get a complaint tomorrow but who cares. Not Clarke, she thinks with a giggle. Not me. 

When the room to the adjoined dorms is in sight, they take a moment to compose themselves (as much as they can) and then stumble into their respective rooms. Clarke is as quiet as she can be, because she knows Lexa will probably be asleep by now. 

Lexa. 

Beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, kind of nerdy but in an endearing way. Lexa. Clarke usually has a few quick conversations with her throughout her day when their paths cross, and she can firmly put those encounters at the top of the list of things that never fail to make her smile. And despite Lexa's obvious reluctance to have friends or get out, Clarke doesn't give up. She can safely say they're good friends now, but she can't help but want them to be more. 

The pull she felt during their initial encounter hasn’t gone away. It’s only strengthened. Their proximity isn’t helping. In the last few weeks, especially, the two had gotten closer and closer. They’d talked about almost everything, except for each other’s past. They’d helped each other with some of their shared courses. They’d had small get-togethers with the others in their living space and Lexa had started to relax when they were around.

They would have movie marathons, just the two of them, curled up in Clarke’s bed amidst a sea of blankets and a shit ton of pillows, watching Netflix on her laptop and eating Chinese takeout. Lexa would get her Advil and water after Clarke came back from a party hammered. Clarke would lean over and push Lexa’s glasses up her nose while the brunette was studying, and the brunette would laugh. Clarke would use her entire arsenal of terrible one-liners on Lexa just to hear her giggle.

Lexa. Lexa. Lexa. 

She's completely infatuated with her roommate. The crush has spiraled out of control in the last few weeks, especially, and now it's all she can do to keep her distance, because something about Lexa's jittery nerves and cornered attitude whenever things get a little intense between them shows Clarke that maybe Lexa's not ready for anything like that.

That's really the only option, because she knows that Lexa is a raging homosexual just like herself and Raven (who quickly became one of Lexa's closest friends) has told her that Lexa has a preference for blondes, winking as she eyed Clarke appreciatively. 

Apparently not her, a drunken Clarke thinks deliriously. She's a blonde. 

For some reason, she finds the thought absolutely hilarious, and doesn't notice Lexa turn over at the sound of her laughter.

Lexa opens her eyes, a little annoyed that someone has woken her up after she ~finally~ fell asleep, but her anger dissipates when she sees Clarke standing in the center of the room, laughing really hard at something. The fumes she's giving off has Lexa wrinkling her nose: she smells strongly like alcohol; cheap beer and tequila and vodka. She smells like sex.

At that last realization, Lexa feels her heart drop, then she chides herself. This is Clarke Griffin, the local party girl. Why would she ever want you?

~’No one will ever want you. Worthless, fucking idiot.’ And then all Lexa can feel is pain.~ 

Lexa blinks again, the flashback leaving as quickly as it had come. She shakes her head slightly and can't help but notice that Clarke is still standing in the center of the room, but she's silent and staring at Lexa now. 

Lexa waits for Clarke to stumble over to her bed and pass out like she normally does when she comes back so late from a party, but Clarke just remains there, staring at her. "You're really pretty," the blonde mumbles, and Lexa's spirits soar before she reminds herself that Clarke is drunk, that Clarke had just had sex with someone random, that Clarke will never, ever want someone like her. But the blonde comes closer to the foot of Lexa's bed. "You're really fucking pretty," she says again, staring at Lexa with so much intensity that the brunette doesn't know if Clarke is 100% drunk or not. "You're really pretty, and I really want to kiss you, but I'm really fucking broken and I can't stop doing bad things, Lex," the blonde whimpers, and Lexa knows that even though Clarke is drunk everything she is saying is the truth. She ignores the thrill that goes through her at the first part and focuses on the bad things, watching Clarke silently, providing a steady presence, a silent reassurance. "I-" Clarke chokes on a sob. "I'm an idiot. And I shouldn't be drinking. And I might not remember this in the morning 'cause I drank vodka, and vodka makes me forget." Lexa pushes aside the sinking deep in her gut and just listens, listens, listens to Clarke's raspy, melodic voice. 

"Today... today is a bad day," Clarke whispers. "I-" 

Then the blonde gags, and Lexa is immediately there, holding her and hustling towards the bathroom just in time for Clarke to vomit into the toilet. "Ugh," she groans, tears slipping down her face, and Lexa gathers her soft blonde hair into a bun and ties it with the hairtie around her wrist and holds Clarke as she throws up again, rubbing her back soothingly. 

After a few minutes of that, Lexa helps Clarke get up and brush her teeth, then leaves and gives her some privacy to use the bathroom and change. When Clarke comes back out of the bathroom, Clarke is wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear, and Lexa can't breathe for a second at the sight of those legs. Then she raises her eyes to meet Clarke's and silently hands her the water bottle and two Advil, watching as Clarke takes the pills and then sips from the water. 

When Clarke deems herself finished with the water, she takes Lexa's hand and leads the brunette to Clarke's bed. She sits down heavily, motioning for Lexa to do so as well. The brunette obeys, eyes questioning. 

Clarke takes a deep breath. She can already feel the nausea and headache subsiding from the water and medicine but she still feels sick. That might not have anything to do with being drunk, though, and everything to do with what she's going to tell Lexa. "Lex..." she whimpers again, angry at feeling another tear slip down her face, but before she can brush it away, Lexa's thumb is on her cheek and she's wiping it away gently and Clarke's eyes flutter close. "Lex," she breathes again as Lexa's thumb continues to make soothing strokes over Clarke's cheek. 

"Six years ago today I lost my father," Clarke says all in one breath before she can chicken out. Lexa's eyes widen slightly but her thumbs don't cease their comforting motion and so Clarke keeps talking. "There was an accident. On his way back from the hospital. "He-" Clarke sobs. "He found out my mom was cheating on him. With his best friend, Kane. And he was so angry. He walked out of the hospital and got in his car but he wasn't in his right mind and we were all chasing after him but he backed out of the parking lot and not ten seconds later there was a truck and-" 

Lexa's hand is warm against her cheek, and Clarke raises her own hand and presses it against Lexa's, holding her hand there. "And it was a fuel truck. It hit the drivers side, and the sparks from the engine lit the fuel truck and it all went up in flames... and I think my mom was screaming, but maybe that was me. The funeral was a few weeks later, and right after I left. Just... packed my bags and left. My dad died that day but I lost both of my parents, you know? I couldn't ever look at my mom again without blaming her for him dying, without seeing her with Kane..." Clarke hiccups quietly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying all this on you, it's not your responsibility to take care of me, and I barely know you so I don't know why I'm telling you this... but I really like you and I'm not brave enough to ask you out when I'm sober... I don't know, Lexa. And you probably have some perfect family or some shit and I'm just so messed up..." 

Lexa laughs quietly at the absurdity of the statement. "What?" Clarke asks, confused at the dry laugh. "Who said that?" Lexa replies. Clarke's brows furrow. "What do you mean?" Lexa sighs. "Who told you I have a perfect family?" 

Clarke shrugs slightly, her eyes not leaving Lexa's. "I mean, everyone kinda just assumed..." 

Lexa sighs again and makes her decision. "Clarke, I don't have a perfect family. I don't even have a family. I grew up in the system." Clarke's eyes widen almost comically at this revelation, and she starts to apologize but Lexa cuts her off. "It's fine, Clarke. You couldn't possibly have known." Clarke nods slightly, she knows it's not her fault, and she opts to take Lexa's hand away from her face and entwines her fingers with hers to reassure her instead. "I... My father, my biological father, he was... abusive. Highly abusive. Physically and mentally... he would beat me all the time, leave bruises, break bones even..." Lexa can feel tears stinging her eyes but she refuses to let them fall, not yet. "And he would always tell me I was worthless, that loving was weakness and that I was weak, that no one would ever love me... and I think somewhere along the way I started to believe it." Clarke looks sad, so sad for Lexa and it helps her keep going, knowing that Clarke is here next to her for now. "And then, when I was fifteen, I met this girl. Costia." Lexa smiles sadly at the memory of the vibrant, brown-eyed blonde who had bounced into her life and made it bright again. "We dated for a while. But... she had cancer." Clarke sighs an, "Oh, Lexa," her grip on Lexa's fingers tightening slightly, and the first tear falls. "We had four months together. The best four months of my life at that point. And then the cancer beat her. She kept fighting until the end." The tears are falling steadily now. "Her family was like my family, for a while. We helped each other, me and her parents and her little brother Aden. But they eventually moved away, and I was left with my father." 

"Then it got bad. Really bad. He was homophobic, you see. He hated Costia, but didn't dare do anything while she was still alive. When she... when she died," Lexa chokes up on the word, "he went berserk on me. One night, he came back even more drunk than usual, and he snapped. He shattered beer bottles on my back, Clarke, and the glass went into my skin and I was bleeding. The girl I carpooled to school with found me there in the morning, slowly bleeding out. She called 911 and I was hospitalized, then moved into the foster system. My father was sentenced to ten years in prison, I made sure of that by testifying against him. I bounced around in the system for a couple years before I met Anya (A/N: she's told Clarke and the others about Anya before, she told them she was her sister) and she helped me move out once I hit 18. I spent my first year of college in a community college in the area and then we moved here. She lives in Ton DC, right outside campus, so this was the next logical choice. I'm- I'm here on a scholarship, Clarke. The only person I have is Anya." 

Clarke interrupts her gently. "You have me, too, now. You know that, right?" Lexa nods, more tears falling down her face, and suddenly her body is shaking and she's sobbing. Clarke envelops her in her arms and Lexa cries into her shoulder, feeling Clarke do the same into her own neck, until the tears are gone, until they've both calmed down enough to pull back and look at each other. 

"You okay?" Lexa says first, breaking the silence, accepting the tissue Clarke offers her. Clarke grins crookedly, eyes still a little wet, smile still a little watery. "Nah. But I will be. Maybe someday. You?" 

Lexa grins back, smile equally as watery. "Nah. But I will be," she says, mimicking Clarke's previous answer. "Maybe someday." 

They're silent for a time, just existing with each other, but then Lexa says, "I have this pull. This pull that tells me that you're safe, that you'll protect me. This pull that tells me that I know you, but I don't, but I do. If that makes any sense."

Clarke smiles, a real one, and then answers, "It does. I feel the same way. And maybe it’s a little strange, but I ~do~ know you. From before, those inherent tidbits, but also from now. I really like you, Lexa. I’ve been wandering around for a while, just to keep moving, but you feel like home." And then her eyes fall to Lexa's lips. When she looks back up, Lexa can read every thought going through that head through those sky-blue eyes. "Do you... will you kiss me?" Lexa's eyes flicker. "Clarke, you- you're drunk." Clarke smiles and shakes her head. "I think the conversation we just had sobered me right up," she chuckles, and Lexa smiles, the biggest, most genuine one she's seen from Lexa so far. "Thank God." 

And she closes the gap between them. 

Clarke's lips are soft and warm and they caress hers gently, brushing against them gently. Sparks fly through Lexa - every sense is aware, every nerve ending hyperactive. She knows Clarke is holding back, making sure she's ready, and Lexa pulls back just to say, "I'm damaged, Clarke. I'm messed up. I built walls to protect myself and when I'm around you they come crumbling down. And I've been taught not to trust anyone, but for some reason, I trust you." Clarke smiles as their lips meet again, pulling back herself after a few moments and touching her forehead to Lexa's. "I'm damaged, Lexa. I'm messed up. I shut people out and drank myself to the point of passing out to stop myself from feeling and when I'm around you I'm suddenly thinking clearly again and letting you in. And I've been taught that love doesn't end well, but for some reason, I don't believe that when I'm with you." 

"Why are you so familiar to me? Why is it like coming home when I kiss you?" Clarke whispers forcefully, resting her forehead against Lexa's. "Do you feel it too?" Clarke breathes, and Lexa can do nothing but nod as Clarke's lips meet her own again, and again, and again. 

“Are we moving too fast?” Lexa asks Clarke. “I mean, not in a mean way. But we’ve known each other two months. What are we?” 

Clarke pulls away for a moment. "I think that maybe by normal standards, yes. But I know we've met before. And it sorta seems ridiculous, and I've never believed in reincarnation or anything like that, but there's just something about you, Lex. Something about you that makes me hyper-aware of everything you do, of every time we touch. You said it yourself," she says more playfully. "You know me, but you don't, but you do." Lexa giggles slightly, and Clarke loves the sound, and soon her mouth is on Lexa's again. 

After a few more minutes of gentle kissing, Lexa flops back onto the bed. "It's four thirty in the morning, Clarke."

The blonde nods. "Yeah, I know," she sighs. 

Lexa knows she has to bring it up. "Clarke, you... did you... um... were you ~with~ anyone tonight?" 

Clarke knows what she means and looks down at her hands. "Yes," she says quietly. "Once. I just needed something to take the pressure off, that's all. But I understand if you're mad... I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry." 

Lexa sighs and sits back up, taking Clarke's face in her hands. "You don't have to apologize. You weren't... whatever this is between us, we hadn't addressed it before. I'm not mad. I understand." Clarke sighs in relief. "You sure?" 

Lexa nods, and pulls her down so they're both lying on the bed now. "Can I sleep here?" Clarke hums sleepily as she pulls Lexa into her side. "Yeah," Lexa says, exhaling softly and watching as Clarke mumbles, "You're so warm." Lexa smiles into Clarke's neck. "Get some sleep, Clarke. We don't have classes tomorrow, so you can sleep in." Clarke nods and mutters something sleepily that Lexa can't make out. "Hmm?" she asks. 

"Good night, baby," Clarke repeats slightly louder. 

Tears of pure emotion fill Lexa's eyes at the endearment, at the sound of it coming from Clarke's lips for her, only for her. She smiles even wider, wrapping her arms around Clarke. "Good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for anyone who’s reading. Let me know in the comments if you have any idea you want me to write, etc etc etc. There will be more College AU parts coming out. I haven't decided if I want to keep it the same and just write like Part 2 or make a totally new college and stuff but I think I'm going to go with the first option. Let me know what you guys think.


	3. Yuletime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Clarke’s first Yuletime on Earth and Lexa (being the awesome girlfriend she is) makes sure she experiences it all. Clexa and Octaven. Octavia, Raven, Lexa, and Clarke are all in Polis together and Lexa is basically just treating them all to the full Yuletime spirit. Plus Clarke is trying to teach Lexa to speak less formally when she's alone with Clarke and their friends.   
> Because there is never a bad time to make a Clexa Christmas AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Clarke is really excited for Yuletime (Christmas) and Lexa shows her all the Grounder traditions for that day. Again, Lexa did not betray Skaikru at Mount Weather, they fought together, Clarke and Lexa pulled the lever, Clarke came back to Polis, etc etc. It’s pretty much the same universe as the first one-shot. I have a little rant about the way Lexa is portrayed in a lot of fanfics in the end notes, if you want to read that that's awesome but if not it's cool you can just skip it.

Lexa wakes up to soft gray light and warm blankets around her. She wakes up slowly, stretching and taking her time getting dressed in casual wear. The holidays are about to begin, and her duties as the Commander extend to no more than party planning. She’s excited, even more so that she is usually for Yuletime, because this year she has Clarke. 

It’s Clarke’s first Yuletime, and Lexa is going to show her, Raven, and Octavia everything. She’s going to make it as amazing as she can. Clarke deserves nothing less.

Dressed in a black shirt and pants, Lexa grabs a coat for later and heads down to the breakfast area. She knows that Clarke will probably be down there, eating with Octavia. Raven is probably still asleep in her shared room with Octavia, but because of Octavia's grueling training schedule under Indra, the gray-eyed girl has gotten used to waking up early. 

Indeed, the two friends are waiting in the hall and eating. Clarke's face lights up when she sees Lexa walking into the hall. Once she reaches their table, Octavia already pulling up a chair for her, Lexa kisses her girlfriend and sits down. "Good morning," she says, waving down a servant who knows her usual order. "Morning," Octavia says brightly. "So. Indra cancelled training for the next week. Why?" 

Lexa raises her eyebrows. "You do not know?"

Clarke and Octavia exchange a look. "We don't know what?" 

Lexa leans forward. "Did you have holidays on the Ark?" 

The two shake their heads. "Well, we had Unity Day, and that one masquerade ball..." Clarke says. Octavia grumbles, "Don't mention the masquerade ball." Clarke nudges her shoulder playfully, then reverts her attention back to Lexa. "You were saying, niron?"

"We have a holiday during this time," Lexa begins. "It is called Yuletime. It is a week of celebration and festivity. There are feasts, ceremonies, and many fun traditions. It is the favorite holiday of many." Octavia quirks an eyebrow. "The Commander? Having fun? Unheard of," she teases. Lexa rolls her eyes playfully. "My duty as the Commander to my people comes first. When we are in peacetime, however, I am allowed to have fun. And we are at peace; even if we weren't, Yuletime is an unspoken truce. It is sacred to many Grounders in a way, and those who may declare war or battle one another during that time can be punished severely." 

Clarke kisses Lexa's shoulder. "So... when does this Yuletime thing begin?" Lexa smiles. "Tomorrow. The celebrations will continue for a week, so everyone has off." Octavia grins. "Awesome. I have got to tell Raven." She stands up and then adds as an afterthought, "We ~are~ celebrating with you, right Lexa?" Lexa hates the uncertainty in her friend's voice. "Yes. I have many things planned for the four of us. It will be... how do you put it? Freaking awesome." Clarke laughs and slips her hand into Lexa's as Octavia punches the air with her fist. "Hell yeah! I'm gonna wake up Raven. Lexa, you need to tell us more about the things you have planned. Meet at your place in an hour?" Clarke and Lexa nod.

Lexa and Clarke finish their breakfast and head up to their room in the next ten minutes. "So," Clarke begins, peppering Lexa's face with kisses. "A week of partying?" Lexa smiles. "Essentially, yes." Clarke laughs. "You don't have to be so formal all the time, Lex, especially not around me or our friends." Lexa's brow furrows. "I am being formal?" Clarke shakes her head with playful frustration. "Yeah, a little. But that's just the way you were taught to speak English, so we're gonna teach you how to speak our English! Since you're already teaching us Trigedasleng." Lexa nods her head a little. "Alright." Clarke huffs a sigh. "No, Lex. Instead of 'alright', say 'okay'." 

Lexa nods and says, "Okay." Clarke nods as well. "And instead of saying 'essentially, yes' when I asked you if Yuletime was a week of partying, you can say 'pretty much'." Lexa raises an eyebrow. "Very pretty? What does being very pretty have to do with me affirming your belief?" Clarke sighs, a smile playing on her lips. "It basically just means yes. So if I asked you if dinner was going to be the same as yesterday, and there's only a very small variation in the menu, you would say, 'pretty much'." Lexa nods. "Oh. You mean if you asked me if our horses were ready, and they were almost ready, I would say pretty much?" Clarke claps excitedly. "Yes! You got it!" Lexa smiles. "You are very happy about this," she says, referring to Clarke's reaction. "Yeah," Clarke breathes. "That's another thing. Instead of saying 'yes', you can say 'yeah'. Ohmygods, we have to teach you slang. This is gonna be awesome!" Clarke exclaims excitedly. "You'll be talking like us in no time." 

Lexa groans playfully. "Oh no," she deadpans, chuckling a little at Clarke's pout. "I am kidding, hodnes." Clarke nods. "I know, Lex. Oooh, there's another one. Instead of saying 'I am kidding', say 'I'm joking'. Oh, and on that note, use more contractions." Lexa blinks at the overload of information, then tentatively replies, "Okay." Clarke grins and kisses Lexa. "You're a quick learner," she murmurs against Lexa's lips, which stretch into a small smile. "If you say so, niron." The kiss quickly turns heated. "You were not- weren't," Lexa corrects herself. "You weren't there when I woke up this morning." Clarke smiles slightly. "Did you miss me?" she teases. Lexa breathes, "Yes."

They're interrupted after a few steamy minutes by a knock on the door. "Bitches! Open up!" comes Octavia's voice. "Shh, babe," Raven hushes. "They're probably fucking right now." Clarke scoffs and climbs off of Lexa, allowing the brunette to straighten up on the couch and fix her somewhat-messy hair. The blonde opens the door to see Octavia and Raven with their hands over their eyes. "Are you decent?" the mechanic asks, and Clarke slaps them both around the head. "Yes, you idiots. We weren't doing anything." Octavia and Raven make disbelieving noises. "Uh-huh. Then what's that on your neck? It wasn't there at breakfast." Clarke turns quickly to see her reflection in the mirror, a small hickey already darkening. She shoots Lexa a playful glare, who responds with a smug smirk. "It's just a mosquito bite." 

Raven strides into the room. "Hey, mosquito," she says in greeting as she passes Lexa, snickering. She turns and high fives Octavia, who is grinning obnoxiously. "Raven?" Lexa asks from her position on the couch. "Yeah?" Raven says, turning towards her. "Your shirt is inside out," Lexa says in an innocent tone, inwardly grinning evilly. The mechanic blushes furiously. "Goddamnit, Octavia." Clarke kisses Lexa's cheek. "Good one, babe." 

A few moments later, the shirt is fixed, drinks have been passed out (tea, not alcohol, despite Raven's whining), and everyone is settled. "So," the Latina begins. "What's all this about the holidays Octavia's been yapping on about for the last hour?" Octavia slaps her girlfriend's arm at the description but motions for Lexa to explain. 

She does, speaking of the Old World traditions. "They would cut down a tree and decorate its corpse with festive ornaments," she says. "And then they would place gifts under it, only they would tell the children that a fat man wearing a red suit crawled down their chimney to put them there. And that he rode a flying sled pulled by flying deer. One of whom had a glowing red nose." 

Octavia, Raven, and Clarke are in stitches, and even Lexa is laughing. "They- they did not," Raven gasps through her laughter. Lexa nods, grinning. "OhmyGODS!" Octavia practically screeches. 

"Please- please tell me we're not do-doing that," Raven manages to get out. Lexa shakes her head. "Thankfully, no. We have different traditions." At this, Clarke perks up. "Like what?"

Lexa thinks. "There's a long list. There are many feasts, a new one every night, but the second-to-last day has the largest one. These holidays are celebrated all across the clans, and many journey to Polis to experience the festivities here. We eat primarily from Trikru cuisine, for I am Trikru, but many other clans bring gifts of their own food as they join in the feast." 

Raven's stomach growls. "I told you to wake up and come down for breakfast," Octavia chides, eliciting a groan from Raven. "Sorry, mom." 

Lexa continues, "The exchanging of gifts is also tradition. Usually, it is one for each night, seven in all. These can be gifted to family, friends, partners, and other loved ones. The children have a system where they are anonymously assigned to another. They bring presents for each other and at the end of the week, those who can guess their secret match are gifted with candy." Raven laughs. "Wow, that sounds awesome." 

Little did Lexa know that Clarke is now inwardly freaking out. ~I'm supposed to buy her presents. Oh, shit. She probably already bought some for me... of course she did, she's the best girlfriend ever... okay, you know what? I'll just go to the Polis market with Octavia today. No problem.~ 

"Clarke. Niron?" Clarke shakes her head quickly to clear her thoughts. "Huh? Sorry, did you ask me a question, love?" Lexa blushes slightly at the endearment but repeats her question. "Would you be willing to attend these events as my partner, or just as the ambassador to Skaikru?" 

Clarke takes Lexa's hand. "I would be honored to go as your partner, hodnes." Lexa smiles. 

Octavia and Raven push for more descriptions of the traditions and Lexa laughs and complies. "When... when I was younger, and Luna, Anya, Costia, and the rest of my friends were still... alive and here in Polis," Lexa says softly, the mood becoming slightly more somber, "we would have a giant fight in the snow. We would build snow bricks and make ice walls, and gather up piles and piles of snowballs. We had from eight in the morning until noon to ready ourselves, and the second the sundial read past noon, it would be all-out war. Anya, Luna and I were always a team, and we won every year." The girls smile, Lexa at the memory and the others at the thought of a young, laughing Lexa covered in snow.

"Anyway. If you would be interested in doing such a thing, I am sure I can reassemble some of my old enemies," Lexa says. "Lincoln used to play it with us, and Luna will be in Polis for the holidays, so if you wanted to have the snowball fight-" 

She's interrupted by squealing. "YES!" Raven and Octavia shout in unison. "YES YES YES YES!" Lexa laughs. "Alrig-" she cuts herself off and corrects herself again. "Okay," she remedies, glancing at Clarke, who smiles softly at her. "I will arrange for some of those who used to play it with us to join." 

She goes on to tell them about sledding, which they promise to join in on, and ice skating. "So let me get this straight," Octavia says. "You wear blades... on the bottom of your shoes... and slide around the ice on them?" Lexa glances at Clarke again and says, "Pretty much," watching as the blonde's face lights up at her correct use of the slang. "They are more sophisticated, and the design is much safer- in fact, Raven may be able to help the cobblers out with that this year." Raven's eyes grow excited. "Oooh, yes. Could I ask them if I could help today?" Lexa nods, then adds as an afterthought, "You don't need to ask my permission, Raven. The three of you are free to explore Polis whenever and wherever you wish, but please inform me if you are doing something dangerous." Octavia scoffs playfully. "Us? Dangerous? You must be joking," she snarks. The four girls laugh. 

"There's a short ceremony to celebrate the coming of a new year on the last day," Lexa says. "I am required to be present, and the ambassadors too- so we will have to attend that, Clarke." The blonde nods. "Okay." 

"What else?" Octavia and Raven beg, bouncing up and down in their seats. "Well," Lexa starts. "there is also the tradition of making sweets, such as cookies. I can convince the chefs to allow us to do so- I am sure they will be glad for the help. We also do the tree decorating," she says somewhat sheepishly. "You see the large tree growing in the plaza? It is for this purpose. Tomorrow, the children will bring their decorations and they will take a few hours to decorate it adequately." Clarke 'aww's. "It sounds so much cuter than the ones from the Old World."

"There are many more traditions," Lexa says, "and I will show you as many as I can during this week. It is going to be amazing, and I know you will enjoy it." The other three nod enthusiastically. Clarke sees her chance. 

"Hey, Octavia. Would you mind accompanying me over to the market for a bit?" Octavia looks at her questioningly, sees the pleading in her eyes, and nods. "Yeah, sure. Raven's going to help the cobblers anyway, right Rae?" Raven nods, bouncing up. "I'm gonna go grab a coat," Octavia says. "You guys wait here. I'll get one for you, too, Rae." Clarke nods and goes to grab her own coat. "You'll be alright on your own for a little while, Lex?" she says to her girlfriend. Lexa nods and smiles. "Yes- I mean, yeah. I will be going over some final details with the planning committee anyway. We will meet back here at what time?" 

Clarke considers. "Hmm, six at the latest? Octavia and I will grab a bite for lunch out there, and then we can all regroup for dinner. Sounds good?" Lexa nods once again, and Clarke hugs her, planting a soft kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "Love you. See you at six!" she calls out as Octavia returns, and the two walk out together. 

Raven is putting her own coat on, and after a few moments she is ready to go. "See ya, Commander," she says, winking, and then disappears out the door as well.

Lexa sighs, gets up, and puts her own coat on. She has a couple things to address, and she might as well do them now. Quickly, before she leaves, she checks her secret hiding spot. There, she sees all nine presents wrapped, neatly, not having been disturbed. Seven for her niron, and one each for Raven and Octavia. She does not need gifts from Clarke and the others, but she does wish to give her friends and hodnes some. 

Then she gets up, re-hides the presents, and walks out of their room. 

\---

Clarke is panicking. 

~Oh, gods, there's so much stuff, but she's the Commander, she has everything... gods, what do I do, what do I get her...~

"Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Clarke Clarke Clarrrrrrkeeeeeee." 

Clarke whips her head around to look at Octavia. "What! I don't have much time, and I have to find her seven presents..." 

Octavia grabs her shoulder and turns Clarke towards her. "Listen to me. She loves you. And you love her. You literally both mean the world to each other, it's almost disgusting." Clarke rolls her eyes but can't help her smile. "You know her better than anyone. You will be fine. Now. I'm going to go over there," she points to a blacksmith's stall, "and get some parts that Raven needs. And you're going to wander around the market and buy whatever catches your eye, and she's going to love it because you bought it for her, and you're going to stop stressing and have an awesome time with your girlfriend." 

Clarke nods, once hesitantly and than a firmer one. "Okay. I can do this," she says to herself, and Octavia punches her shoulder lightly. "Of course you can. You're freaking Clarke Griffin." And then she's gone, pushing her way through the crowd among whispers of "Indra's Second" and "warrior from the sky".

"Alright," Clarke murmurs under her breath. "What does Lexa like?"

~Me.~ 

Shut up, brain, she scolds herself. Not at all helpful. 

What else does she like...

Candles. 

The thought comes to her abruptly, and by the time she can process it she's already moving. The girl running the shop smiles at her. "Let me guess. A Yuletide present for Heda." Clarke smiles sheepishly. "Do you have any she ~hasn't~ bought yet?" The girl beckons her in. "I have a small collection set aside for precisely this reason." Clarke raises her eyebrows but follows her in. 

A half hour later, she's leaving with four brown packages in her arms. A guard around the corner hands her a giant bag for her presents with a wink. She thanks him graciously and moves on to the next idea. 

One down, six to go.

A display in a shop catches her eye first. It's a giant store. A bookstore, she realizes. 

Lexa loves reading the same way Clarke loves her art. It's freeing, to her. And Clarke knows her favorite author...

She briefly recalls a conversation they'd had months ago. She remembers Lexa ranting on and on about how there was only one book published before Praimfaya. What was it called? 

Crescent City. 

She steps into the bookstore and asks the clerk. He smiles a little at her - ever since Lexa and her had been seen in public holding hands and occasionally kissing, the Grounders in Polis had been treating her with even more respect and kindness. "For Heda, I presume?" Everyone seems to know what to get Lexa before her, and her own incompetence kinda pisses her off, but she follows him into the store after requesting Crescent City. He hands her the book. "It is part of a series," he explains, "but can also work as a stand-alone novel. She will love it." Clarke smiles at him, and he wraps the book for her, along with a few that he claims were on her waiting list. When she tries to pay, however, he pushes her money back. "No. I have known Leksa a long time, and her love of reading is one of the few things keeping this store going. I owe it to her." She smiles slightly. 

Sometimes she forgets how truly beloved Lexa is by her people.

Okay. Two down. Candles and books, check. What else?

She has an idea, then. What if... instead of buying something... she made something? There's no way Lexa would have an original piece created by Clarke.

She heads down to the art studio, buys some materials, and then goes to the seating area. 

Roughly forty-five minutes later, her third present is finished. All nine of them. 

Just in time, Octavia walks in, obviously looking for her. Clarke explains her idea once Octavia sits down, and the brunette whistles when she sees the drawing. "Damn, Clarke. These are really good." 

Clarke shifts nervously. "You think she'll like them?" 

Octavia places her hand on Clarke's. "Clarke. She'll love them. You know she will." Clarke nods to herself. "What else did you get her?" Octavia asks. 

Clarke shows her the candles (Octavia laughs at that) and the books, then puts the drawings into a folder and puts that inside her bag as well. "Four more things," Clarke says, now determined. Lexa is going to make this week great for her, she knows that, but she wants to make it great for Lexa too. 

Octavia and Clarke split up again, this time Octavia going to look for presents for Lexa and Clarke. Clarke realizes that she knows exactly what to get her two best friends, and decides to pick those things up as she looks for more gifts for Lexa. While walking, she thinks about more ideas. 

She has a vague idea for two gifts - for the last two days, she thinks, yes, that would be perfect. The first one: she'll gift Lexa her sketchbooks- the sketchbooks that Clarke had always declared off-limits. The sketchbooks that were filled to the brim with drawings of Lexa - her eyes, her warpaint, her face and body and hands. She hadn't let Lexa see them because it had been a little bit embarrassing, the way she's completely obsessed with her and with drawing her, but she knows Lexa will see it for what it is: love.

And the final gift? She's already started it, in her free time - she's begun drawing a comic book of sorts, one telling the story of Clarke and Lexa. She has it sketched out, pictures and dialogue, she just needs to add color... plus, maybe, a few more pages to include this week.

So, she still needs to get two more things. 

For Octavia, Clarke sees an ornate dagger with warrior-runes engraved on them. She asks what they say, and the shopkeeper explains that they mean courage, strength, and wit. She thinks it's perfect for her warrior friend and buys it, along with a matching sheath and supple leather boots; after training with Indra for so many months, Octavia's are falling apart.

For Raven, she stops in a clothing store and sees it. A red bomber jacket. Raven’s old one was destroyed in a fire not too long ago, and Raven had grieved its loss greatly. She buys it quickly, and also buys a few superhero comic books: Raven had started reading the few that Lexa had when she first arrived in Polis and had quickly become hooked. 

While browsing, she can't help it - it catches her eye and doesn't leave her mind. It's a little raccoon stuffed animal, and the way its little face was made looks almost exactly like Lexa's warpaint. She needs it for Lexa. The clerk in that stall doesn't let her pay for it, either - it's apparent by the amusement in her eyes that she knows exactly who it reminds Clarke of, and instead bids her a good day. 

One more.

She's been out in the market for a few hours, she realizes, and she's starting to get cold. It didn't snow today, at least, but the heavy coat can only do so much. Octavia meets with her again and bursts into laughter when she sees the stuffed animal raccoon. They walk to the plaza together - there's a huge bonfire going to heat up people shopping - and talk for a little while. "I dropped in on Raven," Octavia says. "She looked like she was having a lot of fun. Maybe too much fun. But it's better to fix ice skates for the people of Polis than to build bombs that can annihilate a village with less pressure than a falling snowflake, right?" Clarke makes a noise of assent. "Lexa still having meetings?" she asks Octavia, who nods. "But they're not very taxing," she adds quickly after seeing Clarke's worry. "They're fun ones. Everyone's festive, and everyone wants the opinion of Heda on this ornament, or these cookies, or even the menu for the Great Feast." Clarke nods, shoulders relaxing. 

"So," Octavia says. "One more, huh?" Clarke nods again, this time a little frustratedly. "I don't know what else I could possibly get," she says, waving her hands around somewhat angrily. "I mean, she's the Commander! She has basically everything! And I'm already giving her artwork, and my sketchbooks, and... well, the last one's a surprise," she cuts herself off at seeing Octavia's eager face, which falls as she begins to protest. "Shh. I don't trust you to not tell Raven, and I don't trust Raven to not tell Lexa. On that note, pleeeease don't tell anyone. Please. This means a lot to her, O. And that means it means a lot to me, too." Octavia nods. "I swear, Clarke." 

"Okay. One more gift. I'm gonna go, Octavia. See you at six?" Octavia nods. "See ya, Griff." 

A half hour later, Clarke is stuck again. Her normally creative brain has gone dead. It's probably from lack of food; she had been planning to buy lunch but then had been preoccupied with drawing Lexa's present - not that she's complaining, they were fun to make and just thinking of the way Lexa's face will light up when she sees them makes it worth it.

She's still hungry, though. 

We're having dinner in forty-five minutes, she silently tells her stomach as an long, loud growl emanates from it. Calm the fuck down. 

Gods, what should she get Lexa? What could she possibly give her that would convey the blonde's love for her? 

She wanders, rather exasperated, and minutes tick by... she has to head back to the Commander's Tower soon if she wants to make it on time to dinner. Then she sees it.

She buys it immediately, the woman behind the counter giving her a knowing look. "Take care of her, will you?" The redheaded woman says. "Leksa has been through much. But she is...how you say...lighter when with you." Clarke nods and smiles, ignoring the small tears in her eyes at the admission. "I will," she says softly. "Then take it," the clerk says, handing her the small wrapped package. 

Clarke does.

She stores it safely in an inner coat pocket, not among the rest of the presents. This one is special, even more so than the others. All of these gifts had been chosen with care, but this one means even more.

(A/N: And because I’m evil, you won’t find out what it is until the very end of the Yuletime one-shots)

Clarke walks back to the tower, cold but warm, hungry but somehow so full. In the silence of the mostly empty stairwell inside the tower, she allows herself a small smile.

She sees Nisha - the Trishanakru serving girl who had quickly became Clarke and Lexa's favorite after the yearly meeting a few months ago (A/N: Aka the first one-shot in this book) - and calls the girl over, asking her to hide the bags where Lexa won't find them. The servant girl's eyes twinkle and she nods. "I will tell you where I have hidden them after you have come from your dinner, Skaiprisa." The nickname had started out as teasing but is basically Clarke's official title now: after all, her mother is the Chancellor of Skaikru. It had first come to light when she had informed the people of Polis that she rather hated being addressed as Wanheda, and Octavia had suggested the nickname as an alternative. It had slowly grown on the blonde.

Sighing contentedly as she watches Nisha disappear around a corner, she continues her way up the stairs, towards Lexa. Her love.

\---

Clarke is twenty-seven minutes late, and Lexa won't admit she's worried. 

She won't, because Raven and Octavia are staring at her with poorly disguised panic in their own eyes and she knows that she needs to be strong for them. 

Clarke's punctuality is well known around Polis by now, especially with people that interact with Lexa and Clarke on an everyday basis. For her to be late, this late, is not only unusual and suspicious but also highly worrying. "She said she'd see me at six..." Octavia mumbles, worrying at her lower lip. The three know that they're probably just overreacting, that they're probably just paranoid, but the nerves from war and Mount Weather still haven't faded and even Lexa has been known to occasionally jump at a loud noise. 

Lexa doesn't want to think about why she jumped at those noises, but her brain goes there anyway. 

~The Mountain. People fighting, yelling, blades clashing. Her people dying. She makes eye contact with Clarke, sheathes her daggers and draws her sword, motions for the blonde to follow her. She does. 

They walk up to the top floors where Bellamy Blake told them the controls would be. They dispatch the guards they meet on the way up, and Lexa pretends to not notice Clarke staring at her. Lexa is pissed, and she knows she should get her emotions under control, but she can't. She can't, because there are many, many signs pointing to the fact that Bellamy Blake may have betrayed them. 

Some of which being the facts that the doors weren't open, the guards were told to look for a potential threat, and there are about forty guards surrounding the entrance to Cage's room. 

Oh, and she may have seen Bellamy shoot four of her people through the heart before they could even draw their swords against him.

Lexa's legs pump furiously as she sprints up the stone stairs, making her way to the control room. There is only one way to end this. Once and for all. 

She finds Maya and the band of rebels who had helped them get in - there are five in all, including Maya - and shouts an order that Clarke echoes with urgency: grab your oxygen and inject yourself with the serum. They protest and their reasons are lost in the sounds of battle as Lexa repeats her order, willing Maya (the leader of the group) to understand, to see what Lexa was going to do. Realization and fear dawn in the girl's brown eyes. "You're going to open the vents," she whispers. Lexa nods stoically, Clarke only hesitating a millisecond before doing the same. "Go, now," Lexa says roughly. "Hurry. Before it is too late for all of us." Maya runs, shouts a coded command word to her group, and they run off in the direction of the storage rooms where the suits and syringes of medication are held.

Without another second of hesitation, Lexa takes off again. 

She's so much faster than Clarke, her endurance so much greater, and she quickly leaves the blonde in the dust as she sprints up the stairs, taking four or five at a time. Clarke calls out, "Wait!" and Lexa slows down, but only slightly. Still, the blonde ends up catching up to her after Lexa has to pause to take out four guards. She's wiping their blood off her blade as Clarke's eyes widen and she points behind Lexa, frantically mouthing a warning. Lexa spins just in time to raise her arm, shielding her head, as the sledgehammer-looking-weapon smashes down onto her forearm. 

She hears the impact before she feels it. 

Skin tearing and bones cracking and tendon snapping and blood dripping, and oh gods it burned, it burned, it burned. 

Lexa cries out, and she's not proud of it, but tears of pain well up in her eyes. Clarke screams her name again and Lexa barely has time to move before the sledgehammer comes crashing down in the place where her head used to be, and she has to roll over her mangled arm to scramble to her feet, and she barely swallows her scream before whipping a dagger out with her good hand and burying it in the guard's skull. She whimpers softly as she bends to retrieve the knife but quickly overcomes the pain best she can and continues her marathon to the top of Mount Weather. 

To the lever that would open the vents, leaving everyone in Mount Weather who hadn't taken the serum - most people hadn't - to die of radiation poisoning. 

It was cruel, brutal, and effective, and Lexa knew that although she would pull that lever and play the part of a victorious leader, the decision and guilt would weigh on her a long time. Monster, monster, monster, the voices in her head chanted, the voices that took the form of Costia and her father and mother and Anya and Gustus and why weren't her legs working-

She collapses on the steps, not ten feet away from the control center. Clarke helps her up, the blonde limping slightly, and holds Lexa's good hand, lets her lean on her. "Together," the blonde says, voice wavering slightly at the thought of what she and Lexa were about to do- and at seeing Lexa in pain, dammit, because she'd grown to care for this girl much more than she had originally planned, much more than she probably should to keep herself safe, but she had fallen for this girl hard and she wasn't going to let go. "Together," Lexa responds, lightheaded from blood loss and pain but still coherent enough to latch onto Clarke's words like they were a safety line.~

Lexa is jolted back into the present as Clarke bursts through the doors, panting. She shoots to her feet along with Octavia and Raven, a hand already on her dagger, eyes scanning the room, looking for the threat, looking for whatever had tried to hurt Clarke, looking for them so that she could kill them for daring to even think about laying a hand on her hodnes.

Clarke doubles over, panting hard from the sprint up the stairs - she had seriously miscalculated the amount of time she had left and was only halfway up the stairwell before she realized that she was already twenty minutes late. She only had to imagine Lexa's worried face before she was off, running up those stairs as fast as she could. 

"I- I'm fine," Clarke gasps when she manages to look up and sees Lexa in alert protective warrior girlfriend mode. "Thought I was go-gonna make it on t-time. Turns ou-out I was late. A-and that those *wheeze* stairs are a lot, and I mean A LOT, st-steeper than they look. I- I'm jus- just out of, *wheeze* breath." Lexa relaxes slightly, removing her hand from the pommel of her knife and walking over to Clarke.

"Why were you late, niron? We were worried." Clarke shrugs, not meeting Lexa's eyes. 

"I was doing something. In the market. Artsy. Yeah. I was doing something artsy in the market. Down there." She points nowhere in particular. "My artsy stuff in the market made me late. So. Not my fault, technically." 

Lexa raises her eyebrows so high she's sure they're climbing up her hairline, but doesn't push. If Clarke wanted to tell her, she would. "Okay. Would you like to eat?" Clarke's eager face, as well as the incredibly loud stomach growl that came directly after the mention of 'eating', causes Lexa to laugh quietly along with Octavia and Raven. "I will take that as a yes," she teases, and Clarke slaps her arm lightly and then leans up for a kiss. "It's definitely a yes," she murmurs onto Lexa's lips.

"Okay, okay, enough," Raven says, sitting down and motioning for the others to as well. "We get that you're grossly in love, yadda yadda yadda. Me, I'm grossly in love with meat products, so can we eat?" Clarke laughs, sliding into the seat next to Lexa. "Okay, Rae. Chill." 

Lexa signals for the food to be brought again and chuckles quietly when she sees Raven and Clarke basically salivating. Octavia shares an amused glance with Lexa as their girlfriends start shoving food down their throats. "And they say Grounders are the savages." Raven, without even looking up from her plate, slaps Octavia's arm. Lexa laughs again and stacks her own plate with food. 

After quite a bit of begging on Raven and Octavia's part, Lexa relents and orders a bottle of wine to share. The bottle of wine flows as freely as their conversation. Lexa sighs and sits back after finishing her third plate, watching as Raven takes another serving of everything. Clarke pokes Lexa's stomach, marveling at the hard muscle. "How can you eat three plates of food a meal and still look like this?" she asks, incredulous. Lexa shrugs. "Training," she says simply. "My body requires an average of three plates worth of nutrition a meal in order to maintain it's function in top shape." She sighs and stretches, content and full, raising her toned arms above her head, the movement pulling her shirt up to expose a good three inches of tanned abs. Clarke's throat goes dry at the display (she has a hard time believing it was accidental, but she also knows that Lexa isn't cocky about her body - although, Clarke wouldn't have been complaining if she had been, because ~damn~ those abs). She sneaks a glance at her friends as an excuse to tear her eyes away and laughs at the sight. Raven's mouth is hanging open, green beans dangling precariously from the corner of her mouth. Octavia isn't much better. "Hey, perv," Clarke teases, snapping her fingers in front of Raven's face. The mechanic doesn't even blink. "Stop staring at my girlfriend. Also, you've got vegetables hanging out of your mouth." Raven sighs, closes her mouth, finishes chewing, and then resumes her staring. 

Clarke groans as Lexa and Octavia laugh, and the blonde cuddles into her girlfriend's side, Lexa's arm automatically coming around her shoulders to wrap around her and hold her close. Clarke has to make an effort to stop herself from swooning. 

They sit and talk for another couple of hours, Lexa smirking impishly whenever any of three girls inquire about the holiday schedule and insisting that they would have to wait and see. Octavia and Raven whine, the former declaring, "I have a very short list of virtues and patience is not on it," while Raven switched between blowing raspberries at Lexa or whining like a five year old. "Why won't you just telllllll us? We're gonna find out tomorrow anyway!" Another smirk from Lexa - Clarke could not deny that she found it extremely hot - and her reply is teasing. "Exactly. You're going to find out tomorrow anyway, so you only have to wait..." she glances at the old watch she'd received from Monty on her last trip to Arkadia (the two hit it off, much to Clarke's delight), "...some fourteen hours." 

Raven groans and throws herself onto her girlfriend's lap dramatically. "I can't wait that long!" Clarke chuckles and stands. "Tough. Right, babe?" Lexa nods, standing as well, the corner of her mouth twitching up. "Right." 

Octavia stands up, hefting a 160 lb deadweight by the name of Raven up with her, sighing. "I'm gonna go put this big, whiny baby," she nods to Raven, hanging limply in her arms, "to sleep. She gets cranky when she gets less than twelve hours, which means she's cranky all the time, but even more so today. We didn't get much sleep last night, if you know what I'm saying." She winks at the other two. 

Clarke groans. "Ew, O. Too much information, seriously." Lexa wrinkles her nose adorably as well and Clarke stands on her tiptoes to kiss the tip of it before facing Octavia and Raven again. "Yeah, I think we're gonna turn in too." Lexa nods. "Would it be possible for you and Raven to meet me and Clarke in our room at nine tomorrow? We will go over the plans for the day and then we can... what's the phrase your mother used, Clarke? 'Hop right to it.'" Clarke groans playfully and then laughs at how Lexa had remembered that one sentence her mother had said months ago. "C'mon, babe. I need to sit," she says, starting to tug Lexa towards the door. Lexa's brows connect in confusion. "But you just sat and ate for three hours, Clarke." The blonde rolls her eyes playfully. "Well, if I said 'I want to sleep', Octavia would sooo call me out on it." Octavia laughs and Lexa smirks slightly, a light grey blush creeping up her neck, twin to the pink one on Clarke's own. "If you say so, niron."

Octavia adjusts Raven so that she's on her back, and the position would look gangly and awkward on anyone but Octavia and Raven. Raven slaps Octavia's ass and says, "Onwards to victory, horsey!" Octavia grunts as she loses her balance slightly, then steadies herself and rolls her eyes. "Whatever you say, Rae." Clarke takes her hand out of Lexa's to catch Octavia's quick high five as they leave.

A few moments later, they're gone, Octavia jogging out of the room as Raven yelled 'YEE-HAW' over and over again.

Lexa is looking at the doorway with an increasingly confused look, but then she shakes her head slightly. "I don't want to know, do I," she says, and Clarke nods vehemently. "You really don't. Raven had an obsession with hot cowgirls when we were back on the Ark (A/N: They were friends on the Ark in this before Clarke got arrested) and I heard much more about cowgirl riding techniques then I wanted to. And I'm not just talking about riding horses." Lexa laughs, a little surprised at the turn the story took, then offers her hand to Clarke, who gratefully latches on again. “You know, I do actually kind of want to sleep,” she says. “But at the same time…” she eyes Lexa appreciatively, who bites her lip.

They make their way up to their room. 

It turns out they don’t do much sleeping at all.

A/N WHOA okay I thought Yuletime week would all be able to fit into this one-shot but damn was I wrong, this is close to seven thousand words and they haven't even started the week... what can I say, I just love Clexa. Part 2 will hopefully be out soon! Enjoy my little rant below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes in the end- Just a cute fluffy Christmas fic. If you want a part 2 or have requests for another one-shot just comment them and I’ll see if I can put them in.   
> \---
> 
> RANT TIME
> 
> Okay, so I love love loveeee cute Lexa and fluffy Clexa in the original universe etc etc etc but I cannot STAND when authors make Lexa into some soft marshmallow all the time??? Like??? This is the Commander of Blood we're talking about??? Like they always make Clarke more badass than her? Clarke always ends up saving Lexa? Or winning their fights? Like no? This is LEXA KOM TRIKRU, BADASS LESBIAN BITCH, I'm sorry but Clarke has nothing on her. And yes I love how Clarke embraces the idea of being a Grounder in those fics but like she will NEVER be able to beat Lexa in a fight, sorry not sorry. And yeah, yeah I get she's Wanheda and all but like?? She got that title by. Pulling. A lever. Lexa fought and worked and trained for her position and it's unfair to undermine all that by making Clarke show up and beat her in the things she's been training in for yeeeears. I read fics and it's always Clarke becoming more and more badass and Lexa sorta takes a backseat in that department and I cannot when that happens. Like I literally CANNOT. I read fics where they're fighting someone and Clarke distracts Lexa with her 'beauty' and like just no, I get that Clarke is pretty and Lexa has a thing for blondes but Lexa has been trained since birth to be focused and utterly brutal in battle and there's no way a pretty blonde could distract Lexa kom Trikru from her duty or from her fighting. Lexa will get injured or something because she's outmatched and then Clarke will come out of nowhere and kill them with ease and like?? NO. And I am alllll for Lexa training Clarke and Clarke learning to defend herself etc. but she cannot beat Lexa in a fight. She never could on the show, no matter how much she trained. LIKE THIS IS LEXA BITCHES THE FUCKING COMMANDER, CLARKE MAY BE A HOT BISEXUAL BUT THIS BABY IS OUR LESBIAN QUEEN AND SHE IS UTTERLY RUTHLESS, SHE IS SUPERIOR.  
> I cannot be the only one who hates when this happens.   
> No offense to anyone, I don’t want to fight and I’m not telling you how to write your own book or whatever, you do you, I’m just stating my opinion on it.  
> Well, maybe I am the only one. Whatever.   
> Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.


	4. Yuletime Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s Part 2 to the Clexa Christmas OU (original universe). If you need a refresher just head back to the last chapter and take a peek. Thanks for reading, this is Part 2 of 7 of the Yuletime mini-series because apparently I am incapable of writing fluff less than 10,000 words long... enjoy. Sorry for the wait.  
> Tiny trigger warning for child abuse... don't read if you're set off by that.  
> Also, I found an awesome new Trigedasleng dictionary so some of the Trigedasleng in this chapter is me piecing together the words I could find. Not all the words are canon. Link for the dictionary can be found here: https://trigedasleng.net/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... I may or may not have been listening to Mariah Carey's Christmas album on repeat... no regrets. None.

Clarke's eyes flutter open. 

Warmth. Safety. Love.

Her eyes blink for a moment, clearing the thin film of sleep from her vision. She opens them fully, taking in her surroundings. Their bedroom window lets in the muted gray light of a winter morning. The furs are tangled but still provide some warmth. Everything is quiet, everything is in order. 

She looks down at the woman next to her. 

Lexa is still asleep, her breathing deep and even, movements slow and scarce, body relaxed. She's facing Clarke, head resting against Clarke's chest, hands holding Clarke loosely. Her mouth is parted slightly in a sleepy sigh, her face free of tension, and her nose scrunches up adorably when Clarke shifts slightly, the brunette gripping her a little tighter. Clarke smiles at her, probably looking like "Ambassador Heart-Eyes", as Octavia and Raven had dubbed her, but she can't bring herself to care. It's another beautiful morning, they will be celebrating their hard work all week, and the woman she loves is in her arms. 

Clarke leans down and places a soft kiss on Lexa's nose, watching as the brunette lets out a sleepy huff. She laughs quietly at Lexa's expression: her brows are drawn together like she's confused, her face scrunched up slightly. Clarke has drawn Lexa sleeping hundreds of times, but she knows she'll never get bored of it. 

She knows she'll never get bored of Lexa. 

Clarke hums slightly, placing another kiss on Lexa's nose, then two on each cheek (A/N: The cheek on her FACE, not the other one, for all the fellow dirty-minded readers out there). The brunette squirms slightly, mouth falling open a little more, and Clarke laughs again. "Come on, niron," she murmurs onto Lexa's cheek. "Time to get up." 

Slowly, slowly, Lexa begins to stir, her movements increasing slightly. Finally, green eyes crack open, taking in Clarke's face hovering above her own. "Hey, baby," Clarke says softly, and Lexa smiles, the full, beautiful one that Clarke only gets to see when they're alone. "Good morning, Clarke," she says sleepily. "What time is it?" 

Clarke sneaks a glance at Lexa's watch, draped over the side of their nightstand - Clarke's own, the one her father had given her, had stopped working, and she seems to have misplaced it - and responds, "It's 8:30, babe. We told Rae and O to meet us here at nine." Lexa groans playfully and rolls over, the furs slipping down her naked body as she stretches. Clarke stares unabashedly, hungrily, and then continues, "But maybe we could just make them wait..." 

Lexa leans over and sees where Clarke's eyes are, and she laughs slightly before leaning up and kissing Clarke softly, and Clarke deepens it, morning breath be damned. She's sure her own mouth tastes like drool and sleep, but Lexa's is fresh as always and Clarke takes a moment to breathe in Lexa's mint and pine scent, taking in the undertones of snow and sage and feeling it settle deep into her soul. The scent of Lexa, of home, always soothed her, and she feels herself going slightly boneless. She's warm and comfortable, snuggled up against the body of the love of her life, and she really, really doesn't want to move. 

But as if in response to that thought, Lexa murmurs against Clarke's lips, "We need to get up, hodnes." Clarke grumbles, “No.” She buries her face in Lexa's neck, who gasps slightly and then chuckles softly. "Yes, Clarke." Clarke decides that now would be the perfect time to start convincing Lexa otherwise and starts kissing the sensitive spot where Lexa's neck meets her shoulders, and the brunette's hands come up to tangle in her hair involuntarily. Then Lexa regains control over her actions (and starts having semi-coherent thoughts) and pushes Clarke away gently, laughing again at the pout on Clarke's face. "Later, love. When we come back tonight. I promise." 

Clarke grumbles as Lexa rolls away, already missing her warmth, and its only the thought of spending a week celebrating their hard work, Lexa's hard work; only the thought of seeing the pride and light in Lexa's eyes when she sees the clans all together in peace; only the thought of watching Lexa laugh and look so, so beautiful when she sees her old friends from the other clans, that keeps her from closing her eyes and going back to sleep. But she grudgingly gets up. 

They dress each other, an old habit of theirs that is endearing and arousing all at the same time, but they manage to stay off each other while they prepare for the hurricane that is Octavia and Raven. They're usually at least thirty minutes late, though, so when Clarke and Lexa finish getting ready at 9:20 they know that they'll have a good twenty minutes before their friends arrive. Clarke eyes Lexa suggestively, but the brunette shakes her head, smiling. "No, Clarke. If they walk in you know they'll never let us live it down." 

Clarke pouts, even though she knows Lexa is right. It doesn't stop her from openly staring at her goddess of a girlfriend, though. Even clad in a flowing black shirt (and pants tight enough to be leggings, to be fair) Lexa's figure is defined. Clarke says after a moment, "Do you have any casual clothing that isn't black?" Lexa shrugs. "Not really." 

Clarke makes a mental note to buy some colorful clothing and wrap it with the raccoon stuffed animal and says, "Well, I'm going to get you to wear something that isn't black, mark my words." 

Lexa, in a turn of events that shocks Clarke, winks and says, "I thought you preferred me without clothes on, Clarke. What was it you said the other day? Your favorite outfit of mine was my 'birthday suit'?"

Clarke blushes profusely at her girlfriend's teasing and Lexa laughs. "I'm kidding, niron. And I will wear something colorful for you, if you wish that to be so." Clarke beams. 

A few moments later, loud knocking disrupts the peaceful silence that Lexa and Clarke are sharing; without even bothering to wait for permission to enter, Raven and Octavia burst in, hands over their eyes. "If you're not wearing clothes please put some on now," Raven declares loudly, Octavia nodding emphatically in agreement. When Clarke scoffs, Raven peeks from behind her hands and then drops them. "They're decent, O." The other brunette also lowers her hands as Raven sighs. "Shame, though. The Commander is really hot, and she also has great abs." 

Lexa blushes slightly, startled, as Clarke fixes Raven with a glare. "Yes, and she's mine," she growls, only half-serious. "Keep your pervy eyes somewhere else." Lexa's blush darkens but she slips her hand in Clarke's. "Chil au, Klark," she murmurs with a small smile, only loud enough for Clarke to hear. "I am indeed yours." The blonde's lips tug upwards as she leaves Raven with one more playful glare. "One more time, Reyes, and I swear I will sic protective-warrior-girlfriend-Lexa on you..." she threatens, fighting the urge to laugh at Raven's slightly terrified expression. Lexa laughs slightly at the look of fear and shakes her head at Octavia, who has been watching the interaction amusedly. "We are dating children," she says, and Octavia nods in agreement. "I know," she sighs. "I know." 

Once they're all settled down enough to talk like adults - or semi-adults, anyway, especially in Raven's case - Lexa launches into a detailed explanation of what the theme for this year's Yuletime will be. "The main theme will focus around peace, as it has for nine out of the ten years of my reign," Lexa says, and Clarke's eyes fill with pride. "Each year, there are reenactments of the "wars of peace", as my people put it - one of these such reenactments will take place today. Visitors from all the clans will be in Polis and the villages surrounding it, as I have mentioned before, and it would be good for you to be able to identify some of the clan members. Octavia will probably already have been briefed on this, and Clarke, you might know some of it from the meetings, but I will tell you what I personally know."

"The most ill-tempered clans are Ingranrona, and obviously Azgeda," Lexa says slowly. "Please do not feel as if you must go out of your way in order to remain civil to these two clans - after their adamant attack of Skaikru during our meetings," Lexa nods at Clarke, who chews on the inside of her cheek, "it is natural for there to be some underlying hostility. You shouldn't, however, provoke them - nor should you rise to the bait if you are provoked by them. And please make sure that if Skaikru are coming, they are respectful to my people. You may have better technology than us, but that is no need to treat us like savages," she ends quietly, and Clarke squeezes her hand lightly as Raven and Octavia nod. "Yeah, I wanted to say I was sorry about that, by the way," Raven says, referring to her cold and often condescending treatment of the Grounders when she first arrived in Polis. "I don't know, I mean, all I really knew about you guys is from Finn, and obviously he wasn't the best source to go to on those kinds of things... so I'm sorry." Lexa dips her head in a nod, and smiles slightly. "I understand, Raven. We had just ordered the death of someone who was like family to you." Raven shrugs. "Yeah, but he was kinda an asshole, especially towards the end. And you were justified in doing it, Lexa. I mean, he killed eighteen of your people. Some of them were children. I..." Raven shudders slightly, and Octavia slips a reassuring arm around her shoulder. "I don't know," the Latina finishes. "I'm just sorry." 

Clarke nods. "Yeah, sorry, Skaikru are assholes. We'll try to keep them in check, though, won't we, guys?" The other two murmur assent. "And, Lexa," Clarke offers. "You're perfectly justified in putting them in their place if they try to start something, you know that, right?" Lexa sighs, then nods. "Yes, but that does not mean I wish to create further animosity between us. If they are to become the thirteenth clan, they must accept their identity as merely another 'pack of savages', I suppose." It's obvious how much it pains Lexa to hear such a negative description of her people and Clarke leans her head on Lexa's shoulder. 

After a few moments, the mood lightens, and Lexa continues with her explanation. Then she gets into the agenda for the day. 

"The reenactment is taking place today. We will have about an hour to go eat breakfast before it happens. After we watch that, Luna and a few of my other friends will be arriving. They will meet us here in the tower on the ground level - I will introduce you, but if you two," she's speaking to Raven and Octavia at this point - "would rather not be there for such a thing, that is alright as well." Someone who didn't know Lexa as well as Clarke did wouldn't be able to see it, but Lexa is nervous. It's evident in the way she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth, in the way she straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin slightly, preparing for a confrontation and rejection. She squeezes her hand reassuringly, and her girlfriend smiles gratefully, allowing some of the tension in her spine to dissipate. The rest of it goes pretty soon afterwards as Octavia enthusiastically exclaims, "No, Lexa, we'd love to be there, right babe?" Raven nods. Lexa smiles, but Clarke can tell that her head is somewhere else; there's a faraway, contemplative look in her eyes. Clarke nudges her gently, and her girlfriend slides a forest-green gaze towards hers. The green eyes clear, and Lexa shakes her head slightly. "I apologize, I was lost in thought." Clarke smiles slightly. "Babe, say sorry instead of 'I apologize'." Lexa shoots her a slightly-exasperated half-smile. "If you say so, niron." 

A courier knocks on the door, and Lexa calls, "Enter." The man comes in, barely hidden amusement on his face, and whispers something in Lexa's ear. Lexa laughs, then waves him off. "We will finish the process at four, then." The courier nods, grinning, and bows once before leaving.

"What was that, babe?" Clarke asks her girlfriend. Lexa shakes her head in amusement, smiling. "Just the Natblidas up to their usual antics." 

"So," Raven says, "we've got two things so far: the reenactment and meeting Lexa's friends. Then what?" Lexa smiles. "We will go to the plaza for lunch. Treats will be sold there, such as a drink called eggnog, a cookie called gingerbread, and other seasonal delicacies." The three girls nod appreciatively. "Inside the plaza, the Natblidas will be lighting the tree- I told you yesterday that they will spend the day decorating it, yes? Well, they grew impatient, and decided to start last night, much to Titus' chagrine." Lexa smiles again, another genuine one, this one only reserved for her Natblidas. "Aden and Madi (A/N: Yes, Madi is one of the trained Natblidas in this fic, because honestly it's adorable) were at the head of it - they usually are." Lexa's words seem frustrated, but her tone is affectionate. This softness is only shown around Clarke, Octavia, Raven, or the Nightbloods, and Clarke once again reflects on how lucky she is to be privileged enough to see this side of Lexa. 

Raven and Octavia are grinning - the former has only met the Nightbloods once, but Octavia has trained with them before, and they both absolutely adore them. Clarke does too - and Lexa’s interactions with those kids is absolutely fucking adorable. She treats them like her own children, and they love her back just as much. As Raven put it after that one time she met them, “Seeing Lexa being all soft with those kids warms my cold, dead heart.” 

Clarke obviously adores them as well, and since she is Lexa's partner, she has been granted access into most situations where they are involved. One of her favorite things in the world is watching Lexa train with them, and it's totally because Lexa is a great teacher and not because she only works out in a half-tank top and the Grounder equivalent of athletic shorts where her muscles are pretty much exposed. Totally not because of the fact that Clarke loves gawking at her girlfriend's sweaty abs. Not at all.

She thinks the kids like her too, but that could be just wishful thinking. 

Then Octavia asks Lexa, "Were you like them, too?" 

Lexa smiles a reminiscent smile. "Yes. We were... worse. Definitely worse." Clarke raises her eyebrows, settling herself into Lexa's side. "Do tell."

The green-eyed girl sighs. "Well, the Natblidas consisted of Luna and I, which was bad enough on its own. We were the Madi and Aden of the Nightbloods. There were others: a boy named Stefan, a girl named Rebeka, another boy named Cole, another girl named Caty. There were others, but they were usually just the assistants: Stefan, Beka, Cole and Caty were the partners in crime to me and Luna." Lexa smiles wistfully. "Usually Costia and a girl named Nyx, sometimes Anya, would join us as well. We used to do all kinds of things together... but Polis knew Luna, Costia and I, especially, as the... what was the term? 'The Three Musketeers', I believe. Although I believe the term ‘The Three Demons’ was used quite often as well.” Clarke laughs. “We would play pranks on our instructors often, but none so much as Titus." Octavia is grinning, Clarke doing the same. "Elaborate, please," Raven says enthusiastically. "Well," Lexa starts. "Titus is very afraid of three animals: rats, pigs, and ducks. For no true reason, really. So one day, Costia and I decided it would be an amazing idea to surprise him with some... pets." Octavia laughs. 

Lexa continues, "We rallied the other Natblidas, who were more than willing to help us out - they went and caught the rats, while Anya and Caty caged the ducks. Meanwhile, Luna, Costia and I, had taken two pigs - from the pens on the other side of Polis, mind you - and we began the climb." Clarke laughs along with Lexa. "Well. It took us quite a while, getting two unruly pigs to Titus' quarters - he is, after all, only two floors below us - but, well, it was worth it. We unleashed the rats and ducks inside of his room along with the pigs and waited for him to enter. It was... maybe one of the best things I have ever seen in my life. His face was... I cannot even describe it." Octavia and Raven laugh along with Clarke as Lexa tries to mimic his face, contorting her own face into a grotesque expression of shock, disgust, and absolute terror. "It was very amusing," Lexa laughs. "Since then, it seems, my own Natblidas have been attempting to live up to the bar we set back when we were trainees." Clarke thinks about a young Lexa, covered in mud and duck feathers and gods know what else, grinning as Titus runs around his room screaming, and absolutely dissolves into laughter. The others follow her lead. "Ho-how did you even get two pigs up thirty-eight floors, Lexa?" Raven gasps. Lexa shrugs. "A lot of determination, and of course the thought of Titus' expression when he saw. Also, Costia was always very good with animals - she could make a worm fall in love with her, I swear." For a moment, a hint of melancholy crosses Lexa's tone, but it quickly clears soon after as her gaze lands on Clarke. 

"Didn't the guards see you?" Clarke asks, steering the conversation away from Lexa's still-there pain over Costia. "Of course they did, we weren't exactly subtle," Lexa laughs. "But they were too busy trying not to burst into laughter to stop us. None of us really like Titus, anyway. And besides, we were some fierce children. They couldn't have stopped us if they tried," Lexa says, and Clarke can only imagine a nine-year-old Lexa, chest puffed up in pride as she defeats seasoned warrior after seasoned warrior. Lexa ends with, "Everyone used to say that Titus used to have a few more strands of hair before Luna and I came along, but we ended up making him tear it all out." The three laugh. "The stress must have gotten to him," Octavia teases. "You guys must have been quite the handful." Lexa nods, still smiling slightly. 

"One last question, I promise," Clarke says, and Lexa nods. "Were Luna and you really close?" 

Lexa nods, a little surprised at the question. "Of course we were. We are sisters."

Clarke blinks, shocked. "Wait..." Raven says slowly. "Luna is your sister?" Lexa nods. "It is extremely rare to have more than one Nightblood in the same family over generations: having two in the same generation, much less from the same two parents, was unheard of. Luna is three months older than me, and so was tested for the Nightblood before I was and sent to Polis immediately after - when it came my turn, they cut me multiple times in multiple places, just to make sure it was not a hoax." Octavia winces at the mere brutality of the statement, and without meaning to Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand a little harder. Just imagining a young Lexa being bled over and over again just to make sure she wasn't lying, imagining a young Lexa trying not to cry out as blades slice into her skin again and again, hurt her heart. 

Lexa smiles sadly at them. "I know it seems harsh," she says gently to the three, "but it is our way. We would not have survived this long if we had not enforced some rules through brutality sometimes." The girls nod. "Anyway," Lexa continues. "I was eventually deemed genuine and sent to Polis, and Luna and I quickly rose to the top of our class in everything. She was a slightly better fighter than I was, but I was more knowledgeable on politics and other important subjects we learned. She also couldn't grasp writing, so I taught her that in return for pointers on fighting. Of course, we both knew that at some point we would have to face each other in the Conclave, but we ignored it then. And when the Conclave finally came, after the previous Heda, Sikifa, died, Luna and I only hoped that we would not be matched against each other, which was unlikely, seeing as we were the two strongest. Luna fled, though, the night before she was to be matched against me, because she knew that I would let her win." Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand tighter, a vise-like grip forming as she thinks about Lexa having died before she could have met her. 

“I’m okay, hodnes,” Lexa murmurs. “I’m still here.” 

(A/N to myself: JESUS, THIS IS THREE THOUSAND WORDS AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ANY OF THE FESTIVITIES, STOP WRITING BACKSTORY SCENES AND START WITH THE CHRISTMAS FLUFF. Okay, sorry about that. I'm good now.)

Eventually Clarke relaxes enough to loosen her tight grip on Lexa's hand, and motions for Lexa to continue. "That's really where we left off. Luna was banished for a long while from Trikru because of her 'betrayal', but one of my first acts as Heda was to lift that banishment. She was busy ruling Floukru, however - this is the first time I will see her in person since the Conclave. It will be good to see her. We have other activities for today, which you will see later. For now, though, you will have to wait and see.” 

The four talk for a few more minutes before deciding to head down for a short breakfast/brunch. It's almost eleven, and Lexa informs them that the reenactment will begin at noon. After a quick meal of bacon and toast - maybe not the most elegant breakfast, but the cooks are preoccupied with the food for the feast - they pull their winter coats and other various garb on and head towards the square in front of the tower, where the reenactment will take place. 

Lexa’s hand is warm in Clarke’s despite the cold temperature around them, and Clarke leans into her slightly, smiling as Lexa presses a kiss to the top of her head. It had taken a little while for Lexa to start becoming comfortable with PDA - she’d been worried about her people’s reaction to their relationship - but she’d settled into it once she’d seen how little people cared - negatively, at least. Much of Polis is happy for their Heda to find happiness again. Most of them had been around when Costia had been killed, and many had known Lexa as she grew up and trained in Polis - they saw how Lexa shut down after Costia, and how she’s opened back up with Clarke.  
For the second time in as many days, Clarke peers up at her girlfriend's lit-up face and can see exactly why the members of her Coalition love her so. 

Case in point: Lexa stops to socialize with others she's familiar with. A black-haired woman comes up to them, and Lexa smiles gently at her - which practically equates to beaming, when Lexa is in public - and introduces the other three girls. "Nyx, this is Reiven, Oktevia, and ai niron Klark," she says, her Trigedasleng accent peeking out from behind her Gonasleng words adorably. "Guys, this is Nyx kom Louwoda Kliron. The Shadow Valley." Nyx smiles. "So you are the three sky girls that form Leksa's entourage," she says teasingly. "And you're the one who won her heart," she continues, nodding at Clarke. Clarke blushes slightly but nods slightly. "I'm honestly not sure how I did it," she says quietly, looking to Lexa, who smiles softly at her. "And," Clarke continues, "We don't identify with the Skaikru anymore." Raven nods, grumbling, "Jerks." 

Nyx's smile grows. "I look forward to seeing more of you. All four of you, Lexa, no more excuses of meetings and such. It is Yuletime, you are allowed to celebrate." Lexa laughs. "Whatever you say, Nyx. Oh, and speaking of which- would you be interested in game twelve in three days?" Clarke's confused, and it's obvious Octavia and Raven are as well, but Nyx's face lights up. "Helasha!" (Hell yeah) "I'll kick your ass, Heda," she says, and Lexa chuckles. "Yes, of course. Just like you did the last eleven times?" Nyx fake-pouts and the other girls smile at the good-natured woman's antics. "Our usual time, then," Lexa concludes. "I'll gather the others. If you can recruit more..." Nyx nods, and at the other girls confused looks, Lexa explains, "Nyx is one of those who participated in the snowball fight." Raven and Octavia perk up. "Nice!" 

Lexa turns back to Nyx. "You may have to be on my team, then, this year. Would you be prepared to give up your miniscule chance for vengeance?" she teases, and Nyx laughs, throwing her head back, before looking back at the four, black eyes sparkling. "I suppose. See you in three days time, Leksa." With that, she bows her head slightly in respect, nods at the other girls, and saunters back off into the crowd. Lexa watches her go with amusement. "She always was confident, that one," she sighs, then turns back to the others. "Shall we continue?"

They end up getting to the square without any further interruptions, and they take their seats near the front as the teenagers dressed in costumes for the play take their own places. The show starts, starting with Bekka Pramheda's landing on Earth to the building of Polis, following each Commander and briefly touching on each one. "I am Phelousa kom Trishanakru!" "I am Brierra kom Yujleda." "I am Sabine kom Azgeda." Clarke notices, however, that most of the Commanders are of Trikru. She asks Lexa about it, who responds in a hushed whisper, "Trikru has always been the most powerful clan - we have the most land, resources, and warriors. We are also one of the most diplomatic of the clans - had the Commander been anything but Louwoda Kliron, Trikru, or Floukru, Skaikru would have been slaughtered when they first landed." Clarke nods slightly, and entwines her fingers in Lexa's, returning her attention to the play. It's quite informative, and creative, really, and Lexa, Clarke, and the rest of the audience listen with rapt attention. 

Two or three away from Lexa, a boy dressed in all black, wearing an eye patch and a black hood, comes up, and the other 'Commanders', who had been standing on the side lines in their colorful regalia, back away theatrically. The boy growls, "I am Sheidheda, dictator of all. I belong to no clan. I am a tyrannical ruler of the clans, bringer of war, destroyer of life. I reign for forty long years, bringing famine and suffering." 

Then a teenager dressed as a woman runs onto the stage and 'impales' the figure in black. He falls dramatically and the woman declares, "Ai laik Sikifa kom Trikru, bringer of vengeance. I have taken four novitiates as my apprentices, but they turn against me: saddened, I seek them out and put them to death." There's a sad look in Lexa's eyes when she hears the narrative of Sikifa, and Clarke realizes that she must have been trained by her and Anya. 

Eventually, Sikifa's reign concludes, and a girl - no more than fourteen summers - steps forward. She's wearing an imitation of Lexa's regalia, and Clarke involuntarily smiles when she sees it. "Ai laik Lexa kom Trikru," she states in a loud, clear, confident voice, mimicking Lexa's stance. "I am the Commander of the Blood, the Peac- the Peacemaker...." 

The girl falters, then trails off, and Clarke looks to see that her eyes are on Lexa - the real Lexa - and the girl is chewing her lip nervously. Lexa's eyes are soft, though, and she gives the girl an encouraging smile, nodding at her to convey her message: 'Go on.'

The girl takes a deep breath, smiles back at Lexa, and continues in a strong voice. "I am the Peacemaker, the Uniter of the Clans. I am the Commander of 13 Clans, the Leader of the Coalition. I have fought four long wars, and I have ruled for ten summers thus far. I am the youngest to become Commander, at only eleven summers," Clarke gasps a little at that, she hadn't known Lexa was that young, "And arguably the strongest thus far. I have taken in the Skaikru, fortified the clans, defeated the Maunon, and quelled the rising threats. I am Bringer of Light, Healer of Peoples." 

Lexa is smiling slightly, her eyes fixated on the girl, who is making eye contact with her again. "I am known as the Spirit Who Would Not Be Quelled, the reincarnation of Bekka Pramheda herself. I am the One Who Prospers, the Girl-Turned-Warrior." Clarke raises her eyebrows, fillling with pride. Lexa had so many titles, so many that Clarke had never heard before, and the blonde is unspeakably proud of her girlfriend's accomplishments. 

"The girl who was mine was killed by an enemy of war when I was young, but I am the Avenger, the third Commander of Vengeance, and I brought down defeat upon them. I was trained by Heda Sikifa, taught by Titus kom Ouskejon Kru, mentored by Gustus and Anya kom Trikru. I am the embodiment of the Flame, the Beloved One. I am the Victor of all Wars, the Fighter Who Laid Down Their Sword. I reign in peace. My legacy is lasting. The hope of the people is that I will reign for many more prosperous years. I fight alongside Skairipa, I am backed by Wanheda, I am supplied by TekRaunon (technology person) (A/N: yeah that's what they call Raven, deal with it XD), and I am advised by the council and the Fleimkepa." The girl goes on to explain the details of Lexa's training, of the wars she participated in, in her winning of the Conclave, of her reign as Heda and the benefits her rule has brought upon the people. Clarke's chest swells with the pride she sees mirrored in Lexa's eyes. After a few minutes of this, the audience watching with equal parts satisfaction and focused attention, the girl brings it to a close, drawing a sword that looks like a miniature version of Lexa's own and driving it into the dirt.

"My rule is the greatest since Pramheda. I bring peace, not war. Jus drein jus daun, sha, but I will not allow blood to be shed in the first place. For the good of the people," the girl says, then turns to the other 'Commanders' and raises a fist to her heart, the rest of the audience following her lead, including Octavia and Lexa. After a moment of hesitation, Clarke and Raven do the same. Everyone pauses and turns to look towards them, then, and for a moment Clarke panics, but then Lexa stands and weaves her way through the crowd to take her place at the girl's side. The girl looks up in wonder at Lexa and Clarke smiles slightly, the expression mirrored on Lexa's own face, and her girlfriend reaches out to take the other girl's hand in her own. It's a powerful symbol, a youth looking up in awe to the best Commander the people have had since Becca herself, and Clarke smiles again, seemingly not able to stop. Lexa declares with a strong, clear voice, "Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Hedas," (may we meet again, Commanders) and the people in the audience bow their heads. Clarke follows their lead. 

After a few moments, the others begin to lift their heads and Clarke does the same to see Lexa kneel and pick the sword up out of the dirt, handing it blade-down to the Boudalan girl (Clarke can finally recognize her from the heavy climbing-styled boots she wears) beside her. The girl takes it and sheaths it, and Lexa declares again, "Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim."

She stands, tall and proud and confident, dominating the entire square, and Clarke can't deny how hot it is- but this is serious, Griffin, get ahold of yourself, she thinks. Just in time, too, because Lexa slowly raises her fist above her head, the crowd doing the same, and then as one the Grounders chant, "Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim." Octavia does it too, the Trigedasleng words rolling off her tongue as if she herself was brought up on this language, and Clarke and Raven do their best to imitate her. "It means 'may we meet again'," Octavia whispers to them after the chant finishes, and Clarke and Raven nod.

Lexa smiles at the boys and girls, still dressed in the costumes. "Mochof," she says quietly, but everyone hears her. As one, the youth bow their heads and murmur, "Pro, Heda." 

With that, Lexa walks back off the platform and takes her place beside Clarke once again, who grabs her hand and holds it tightly. She leans towards Lexa and whispers directly into her ear, "You're incredible." Lexa shivers slightly, and the blonde knows it's not from the cold.

As the crowd begins to disperse, Raven and Octavia start jabbering excitedly. "Gods. Fucking shit. Lexa. You're a total badass! We knew that, duh, but like... damn. Just ~damn~." Raven says, mouth hanging slightly open. Octavia nods. "I learned a little about your history from Indra," the warrior-in-training says, "but that stuff was seriously like... whoa." "Whoa," Raven echoes in agreement. Clarke smiles and tilts Lexa's head down to snag a sweet kiss. "Yup, my girlfriend is the resident Grounder badass," she murmurs against Lexa's lips, and the brunette smiles. "Is it true you killed someone with a table?" Octavia asks from behind them, and Clarke pulls away quickly before she can choke. "I'm sorry, what? You did what, squashed them like a grape?" Lexa scoffs. "I ripped off a table leg and impaled him with it," she says in response. Clarke raises her eyebrows as Octavia beams and Raven whistles. "Well, shit. Full points for creativity, I guess." Octavia laughs, and the other three join her. "Like I said," Clarke says, shaking her head in equal parts awe and amusement. "My girlfriend is a badass." 

(A/N: Yes, I borrowed the table thing from Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas. No, I do not own the dialogue or idea, all credit goes to the respectful author - which is of course the amazing Sarah Janet Maas - and no, I do not regret it.)

The three end up getting up, leaving with the rest of the crowd. Lexa takes the long route back to the tower, but Clarke doesn't think anything of it until she notices how Lexa's hand is shaking slightly. Looking up suddenly, she can see that Lexa's face is set, her spine stiff and her jaw clenched. 

"Baby," Clarke asks, a little concerned, becoming even more so when Lexa doesn't even look at her. She stops, tugging Lexa to a stop beside her. "Baby, what's wrong?" 

Lexa looks away, away from Clarke and her worried gaze. She knows that if she looks at her, she'll get caught in those sparkling blue eyes and Clarke will be able to see right through her; she doesn't want Clarke to see her weakness, her insecurity. It had been many years since she saw her sister, and Lexa is nervous, even if she won't admit it to herself, but Clarke doesn't need to know that. Lexa doesn't need to burden her with that, too.

But Clarke is just as stubborn as Lexa, and she takes the brunette's face in her hands, tilting it down, huffing slightly when Lexa doesn't meet her gaze and instead keeps her eyes on the crowd behind Clarke. "We're not moving until you tell me what's wrong," Clarke says, semi-stern but still mostly troubled about Lexa's behavior. She was fine a few moments, ago, wasn't she? Clarke kind of despises herself for not noticing this sooner. "Babe. Please?"

Lexa breaks, giving in at last, making eye contact, and Clarke sighs in relief. "It has been too long since I have seen or spoken to Luna. I do not know what has changed. I am... anxious about seeing her once again. 

"Aw, baby," Clarke coos, watching as Lexa blushes slightly at her tone and the endearment. Clarke places a soft kiss on the brunette's cheek and sighs into her skin as Lexa relaxes again. "I'm sure she'll be overjoyed to see you, you don't need to worry. And if she's not," Clarke places another kiss on the brunette's face, this time on the tip of her nose, to soothe the potential hurt of those words, "then it's her loss, and you'll still have Rae, O and I. 'Kay?" 

Lexa nods, hesitantly at first but then more firmly. The light is back in her girlfriend's green eyes, and Clarke smiles before pulling away. "C'mon. I wanna meet this Luna and your other friends." 

They make it to the ground floor of Polis and Clarke glances around expectantly, looking for some mysterious woman to come out of nowhere and do some cliche and dramatic Hallmark-reunion thing.

That doesn't happen. 

In fact, at first glance, it appears that Luna isn't even here. Lexa scans the room, seeing no one but the usual mingling throngs who somehow always seem to materialize out of nowhere come Yuletime, simpering nobles' wives and ladies of territories - Lexa never bothered with such hierarchies, it was not Trikru's way. She knows them by name, however, and they obviously know her, and she endures their crooning for a little while before excusing herself. Clarke is trying to stop smirking at the antics of the women, in their late forties and early fifties and convinced that they are the very definition of kind and welcoming, that their time is coveted and precious and that they are honoring Lexa with their presence. 

In vain, Lexa looks around once more for her sister, but she doesn't see her among the crowd - her face falls slightly, and she allows herself ten seconds of disappointment before turning to Clarke and their friends to tell them that they should head to the plaza for lunch, but then an oh-so-familiar voice calls out, "Heda." And Lexa freezes. 

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Carefully, ever so carefully, Lexa turns slowly, every movement controlled and precise and sharp, somehow. And there. 

Luna. 

Her sister. 

She's a little taller, a little less lean - a lifetime of training had been swapped for a lifetime of fishing. Her stance is different, too - drawing back to her training as a warrior, but less... cold. Less stern.

She looks just how Lexa had imagined she would.

Lexa exhales subtly. "Luna kom Floukru," she says flatly. She knows the game they must play before they can truly speak freely. "Polis welcomes you." 

Her sister says just as coolly, "Mochof, Heda gon jus. En mochof gon hogeda bilaik, (Thank you, Commander of the Blood. And thank you for all this.)" she says, gesturing stiffly to the rucksack beside her. Lexa had ordered it in advance for it to be given to Luna as soon as she arrived. It contained clothing, hygiene products, and other necessary items. Lexa nods, the merest dip of the head, barely moving. 

Clarke has a moment to take in Luna. She has reddish-brown hair that falls in frizzy curls to just below her shoulders and light brown eyes, darting across the room, almost mirroring Lexa's own cautious analysis of her surroundings. Well duh, they were trained together. They'd have similar tactics. 

Lexa and Luna engage in an indifferent, almost hostile conversation, and Clarke is confused. Clarke is confused but Octavia leans over and murmurs a quiet explanation.

"It would not do for the Commander of the 13 Clans to be seen socializing with someone who had been banished for dishonor and cowardice. It is similar to how, on the Ark, a Chancellor would not be seen talking to a fugitive in the Sky Box who was soon to be floated. If she communicates openly with Luna she could be accused of bias and an illegitimate ruling." Clarke nods. 

Lexa and Luna's clipped conversation dwindles, then is cut off by Luna, who says, "Ai laik noden en enti kom ain soujon. Osir na chich op bida-weron enes?"

Octavia whispers a rushed translation for Raven and Clarke: I am tired and hungry from my journey. Can we talk somewhere else? Lexa nods as Octavia finishes, turning towards Clarke and the others with an apologetic wince meant only for them. Clarke offers her a small smile in return. "Mafta op ai (Follow me)," Lexa says calmly, striding forward, red cape flapping mutely. Clarke, Octavia and Raven fall into rank around her, Luna and her three companions bringing up the back. 

They climb up over forty flights to get to Octavia and Raven's room (they'd decided that it was the best place for that initial meaning) with little to no talking. Even Raven's bawdy jokes are unusually bland - they're all feeling the tension surrounding the group, but Lexa doesn't let a flicker of discomfort show as she leads them stoically up the stairs. 

They finally reach the great oak doors leading into Octavia and Raven's quarters, which are smaller than Lexa and Clarke's own room but still quite large. Lexa pushes the doors open and strides in, silently breathing a sigh of relief when she sees that, unlike the last time Lexa had visited, the bed is made, the carpet is not torn to shreds, and there is no random lingerie hanging from various pieces of furniture. Octavia winks at her relief. "Told you we'd make an effort," she murmurs as she walks past Lexa to sit down beside Raven. 

Clarke, Luna, and the three other females with her sister file in silently, and Lexa barks an order at the guards. "Ban osir. Nau. (Leave us. Now.)" The four guards look apprehensive at the thought of leaving their Heda with someone basically regarded as a criminal, but they do as she asks after receiving a few seconds of what Raven has christened the Heda glare. 

As they walk away, taking the stairs down a few floors to ensure no eavesdropping, Lexa deposits her heavy coat on the hook beside the doors. She watches them silently, ensuring that they are indeed fully gone before closing the massive doors. Clarke's mouth goes dry at Lexa's now-exposed, toned arms - biceps now rippling at the movement, then scolds herself. This is serious, Griffin, she chides. Focus. 

Mercifully, the doors are soon shut firmly and locked. Lexa takes a deep breath, removing her palm from the door, and then turns towards the women in the room. There is Clarke, standing at her side, a steady presence - a little bit of the tension in Lexa’s shoulders relaxes at that. Raven and Octavia are sprawled out on the couch complex, and hovering awkwardly in the center of the room, glancing around or staring at something in particular, are the Floukru women. 

Luna. 

Her sister stares for a moment, taking Lexa in. 

Lexa wills her face into impassivity, wills her body into utter stillness, joints and muscle locking up. She can’t help it- it’s practically her defense mechanism, now, to pretend she doesn’t feel. And then Clarke is touching the small of her back lightly, a symbol the two had created in private and used a few times in meetings or around Polis. ~Relax.~ 

And so Lexa wills herself to relax.

Clarke steps away again and Luna is still staring, still staring at her younger sister - once a girl of scraped knees and wooden weapons and laughter, now a woman of steel; the most powerful single person in the world. The Commander of the Coalition. The one who united the clans under her rule. Luna has heard the rumors, of course, managed to keep up on them even when isolated on her oil rig, but nothing prepares her for Lexa’s presence in reality, face-to-face. She carries herself like a warrior, like a queen. 

Luna supposes she is both. 

And for once not stopping to think of how her actions could affect the both of them, Luna lets the cold mask fall and breathes, “Leksa?” 

The reaction is immediate. A blink - then open eyes, greener than the red-brown haired girl remembered. Their father’s eyes. “Luna.” 

Luna laughs, a slightly choked sound but a laugh nonetheless, and Lexa relaxes, really relaxes, all the way. Her sister crosses the room towards Lexa with a few steady steps, studying Lexa’s face, so much like their mother’s, apart from her eyes. “Hei, strisis,” she says, then abandons all sense of caution and throws her arms around her. 

After a moment of hesitation brought upon mostly by shock, Lexa does the same, holding her sister just as tightly. "Ai nou get if ai don nestam nodotaim (I did not know if I would see you again)," Lexa says, and Luna nods. "Sha, ai get (Yes, I know)."

Clarke and the others watch the scene unfold. The blonde has moved over to Octavia and Raven, the former murmuring translations under her breath to fill in the parts Raven and Clarke haven't learned yet. 

Finally the two pull back, exchanging quiet words that the others can't hear. "Chicha op en Gonasleng, sha? Jos Oktevia get ogeda Trigedasleng (Speak in English, yes? Only Octavia knows all of Trigedasleng)." Luna nods and smiles. "Apologies," she starts. "I have not introduced you to my companions: this is Ifne kom Floukru," she points to a strawberry blonde with her hair in two plaits, "Kenory kom Floukru," she points this time at a woman with curly black hair, "and Taylola kom Floukru. Ai niron." Lexa smiles as a pretty, darker-skinned woman steps forward. "A pleasure to finally meet you, Heda," the woman says smoothly. 

Lexa inclines her head. "The pleasure is all mine. On my side of things," she continues, turning towards Clarke, Octavia, and Raven with a smile, "I would like to introduce you to my own companions: Oktevia kom Skaikru, en tag in jos kom Trikru (Octavia of the Sky people, Trikru in name only), warrior and Seken to Indra; Reiven kom Skaikru, en tag in jos kom Trikru, mechanic and master of tek; and Klark kom Skaikru, en tag in jos kom Trikru, ai niron." The three girls step forward, Clarke entwining her hand with Lexa's. 

Lexa, Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Luna, and the other Floukru women converse for a little while, somehow making their way over to the seating area. Then someone else knocks on the chamber doors. "Heda?" A voice calls, and Lexa and Clarke relax. "Nisha." To Luna, who has tensed up, "It is alright. She can be trusted." 

"Enter," Lexa calls, standing slightly. Nisha comes in and carefully closes the doors behind her. "Moba, Heda, I did not know you would be with others," she says, glancing at the Floukru. "It is alright. Is there news?" Nisha nods. "De tri odon (the tree is finished). The Natblidas sent for you. They said... they said that they have finally beat you, whatever that means." 

Lexa grins. "We shall see about that." To Luna, Clarke, and the others, she beckons for them to stand. "Come. We will stop in the market stalls to grab something to eat, then we will see what monstrosity the Nightbloods cooked up this year." Luna matches Lexa's wide smile. "You mean... you kept the tradition?" Lexa nods, smiling. "Of course. Ai Natblidas have made it their aim to best us in the extravagance of the decorations, but every year I describe to them a different one of our trees that beat theirs, and they lose once again." Raven pipes up. "Speaking of traditions," she says, "Luna, will you be doing the snowball fight this year, too?" Luna blinks, then raises her eyebrows at Lexa. "Don't tell me you continued that particular tradition as well."

Lexa shakes her head. "No, but the girls wanted to try it - Lincoln and Nyx have already agreed. Are you in?" Luna grins wickedly. "Helasha (Hell yes). You, Nyx and I on a team, then? Then Clarke, Raven and Octavia will be together, and Lincoln can be with Kenory and Ifne. He knows them from before." Lexa nods, an equally shit-eating grin on her face. "Are you ready to win the Twelfth Annual Ash-Gonplei (Snow fight), strika (big sister)?" The two smirk at each other. "Of course." 

A half-hour later, the Floukru women have gone their separate ways, vowing to meet up later. "8:00 at the Heda's Square, two days time!" Lexa calls after them. Luna grins and waves. "We will be there!" 

Clarke smiles gently at the happiness on Lexa's face. There's a sparkle in the Commander's eyes. "So, hodnes," Clarke murmurs. "Why were you worried again?" Lexa smiles at her. "Mochof, Clarke," she says, sighing happily as Clarke presses a kiss to the tip of her nose. "For what?" Clarke laughs. 

Lexa hums as Clarke presses another kiss to her forehead, right where her forehead piece usually sits. "For reminding me what it means to be happy." 

Clarke's eyes soften and she takes Lexa's hand, leading her out of Octavia and Raven's chambers to follow their friends down the stairs and out of the tower. "You did the same for me, hodnes," she murmurs, and Lexa smiles. 

A few minutes later, all four girls are out on the streets, making their way to the plaza. "Whoa," is the first thing Clarke can say when she sees the sparkling light and decorations adorning the general area of Polis. "Wait until it is night, niron," Lexa says, smiling. "It is even more beautiful then." 

The four walk together, Lexa pointing out certain attractions and booths. They stop periodically, and once they approach the row of food booths, Lexa tugs on Clarke's hand, excitement written all over her face. "Come on," she says to the three other girls, almost pulling Clarke through the crowd to the booths. "I want to show you something."

Which is how Clarke finds herself at the front of a line, Lexa almost bouncing on her toes in excitement. Clarke doesn't understand ~why~ she's so excited until she smells it. 

"Fried dough. It is only served around this time, but it is so good," Lexa says. "What's on top?" Octavia asks, nudging Raven out of a sugar-induced stupor (really though, the mechanic is drooling). "Powdered sugar," Lexa replies. "And chocolate syrup, and candies for the little kids." 

Raven straightens, suddenly paying attention. "Do we count as little kids?"

The vendor comes to the front of the stall and sees the four standing there, Raven and Clarke squabbling about whether or not they can get candy on their own fried dough. The young man clears his throat quietly, drawing Lexa's attention to him. "Heda," he says, smiling slightly. Lexa smiles back. "Erik." When Clarke turns to them, leaving Octavia to pick up the banter with Raven, Lexa says quietly, "Gustus' brother." Recognition dawns in Clarke's eyes. "Oh. ~Oh.~" 

Erik asks, "What can I get for you, Heda?" Lexa makes a mental tally of the prices and counts a few coppers. "Four dishes, beja," she replies. 

He serves them, steaming, syrup dripping down the sides, and even includes a small pouch of candy to top it with, winking at Lexa. But he refuses the coppers she offers, even when she insists. "Beja, Leksa, no. I will not accept your money." 

Lexa looks torn. "But... Gustus..." 

Erik's eyes soften. "Leksa. You did what you had to do. I could never hold that against you, and neither does he. Neither do they," he says, gesturing behind him to the small team of what Clarke assumes are family members, and they nod at Lexa. "You are still welcome in our home any time," he says gently, and Lexa nods, smiling a somewhat watery smile. Clarke knows firsthand how much guilt and pain Lexa carries on her shoulders, and the blonde is really happy Erik had the ability to relieve at least a small portion of it. 

With another murmured thanks, Lexa turns, Clarke following her lead and practically dragging a still-arguing Octavia and Raven away. 

Lexa hands out the plates, and they sit down on a nearby bench. Raven holds one of the golden-brown puffs, slathered with chocolate and sprinkled with candy, then pops it into her mouth. Her face lights up entirely and she nods at Octavia, making satisfied noises. "Holy shit, that's good," she says, and the two start scarfing down their own, never once stopping to breathe. Clarke is absently wondering how they haven't choked yet when Lexa taps her on the shoulder. "Although their methods of consuming these are roundabout," her girlfriend says, eyes sparkling with amusement, "they really are good." The green-eyed woman picks one of the puffs delicately, then uses her other hand to tap Clarke's lips, who opens her mouth obediently. 

(A/N: Don't think about my use of the word obediently in that sentence. Just don't think about it.

I'm so sorry.)

Gently, almost reverently, Lexa places the puff in Clarke's mouth, and holy shit that is good. An explosion of sweetness and flavor bursts upon Clarke's tastebuds, and when she chews she can hear the satisfying crunch of golden-fried coating. Once she's finished, she opens her mouth again, eyes pleading. Lexa chuckles and feeds her another one, then another. 

After three of the four cartons are gone, Raven and Octavia having finished theirs and Clarke just about done with her own, Lexa glances at the last carton. "It's yours, niron," Clarke says, glaring at Raven and Octavia who are staring longingly at it. "These children can buy their own later." Lexa smiles and goes to eat one, but Clarke snatches it away. "No you don't," she says, smirking. "Your turn." 

Raven gags and she and Octavia stand up. "Indra's over there," the latter says. "We're gonna go say hi." The two walk away, Raven calling out, "Get a room!" 

"Just ignore them," Clarke says, rolling her eyes. Lexa smiles, shaking her head. "You were right, they truly are children," the green-eyed beauty says in response. Clarke laughs, then taps Lexa's nose with her finger, watching as her emerald eyes go cross-eyed adorably. "Well, it is Yuletime," the blonde says. "I think we can all be children, just until the week is over." Lexa smiles, but before she can say anything else, Clarke taps Lexa's lips, trying her very damn best not to keep staring at them. It's not her fault they're pink, and full, and still warm despite the cold around them. 

Lexa opens her mouth and Clarke feeds her the first one. The reaction is immediate: Lexa's eyes flutter shut and she lets out a noise that sounds very, very close to a moan. 

Heat rushes through Clarke's body at the sound and she's sure she's blushing, but oh well. Lexa chews slowly, savoring the flavor, and she looks so cute, so happy, like this that Clarke can't help but beam at her. "You're adorable," she coos, and Lexa smiles before huffing and opening her mouth again.

"Last one," Clarke says a few moments later. Lexa pouts adorably and Clarke touches the fried dough ball to her lips then withdraws it, watching as Lexa slowly licks the syrup off her lips. The blonde inhales shakily, practically feeling her self-control dissolving. ~Not good, not good, not good. Dammit, why does she have to be so damn hot? Not that I'm complaining, but it's hella distracting. Especially when she's doing- THAT. Especially when she's doing that.~

Lexa's eyes are shut and she's still waiting for the fried dough. Her mouth is more closed than last time and Clarke's fingers touch her lips, lingering even when the dough is gone. Lexa finishes and her eyes open again to see Clarke staring hungrily at her lips, and she chuckles slightly. "Needy, Clarke?" 

The look Clarke gives her, sky blue eyes darkened into another shade entirely, makes Lexa glad she's sitting down - she knows her knees would have buckled if she hadn't been. It's enough to make Lexa want to drag her back to their room in Polis, but she's always had more self-control than Clarke and she shoots her a semi-taunting smirk. "But you don't want to miss the tree, or the feast, do you?" Clarke withdraws her fingers, sticky with syrup and dusted with sugar, then looks down at them. "Do you have a napkin?" she asks, looking anywhere but Lexa's face, her cheeks pink. Lexa's smirk only grows. "I'd clean them for you, but I don't think that would particularly help, would it," she croons, then disappears into the crowd. 

A few moments later she's back, this time with napkins, and Clarke's blush has cooled by the time her fingers are clean. The two stand to make their way over to Octavia and Raven, who are still conversing with Indra, and Clarke decides it's time for a little bit of payback. She pulls Lexa into her and whispers, "I'm going to get you back for that one tonight, Heda." 

Lexa shivers and Clarke pulls away, but she doesn't get very far before Lexa pulls her in for a searing kiss. Clarke gasps into her mouth, tasting sugar on Lexa's lips, then melts into the kiss. "C'mon, niron," she says after a few moments. "The sooner we can get back, the better." 

They stop in a few more places, getting a bowl of light broth that tastes different, more festive somehow. "It's wild boar," Lexa says when she sees Clarke's confused glance at the meat inside the soup. "An Ingranrona special." Clarke makes a face of disgust, then tries one of the bits of meat and blinks. "Oh. Wow. That's actually really good." Lexa smiles. "You don't expect it to be, right?" Clarke nods, lets Lexa have a spoonful. Between the two of them, the soup is gone pretty quickly. 

The broth warmed Clarke up, but now it's snowing and it's still cold and Lexa's body heat can only do so much. Lexa notices Clarke's next shiver and smiles, tugging her towards another stall. "Hot chocolate," she says by means of explanation when she thrusts a cup of brown liquid topped with what looks to be whipped cream into Clarke's hands. The liquid inside is indeed hot, Clarke can feel the warmth even through her gloves, and she tentatively tries a sip. She almost burns her tongue, but once the initial shock is up she sees why they call it that. "Is this just melted chocolate?" she asks, taking another sip. Lexa laughs and brushes a bit of whipped cream off Clarke's nose. "No, there are other ingredients, but it certainly tastes that way, doesn't it." 

Finally, after an hour or so of trying new delicacies and snacks - not enough to be full, Lexa warns, because there's still a feast to come - Octavia, Raven, Lexa and Clarke arrive in the plaza. The Nightbloods dart around the tree (obviously putting the finishing touches on the tree), climbing ladders and hanging ornaments and candles and gods only know what else, and Lexa laughs at the look of shock and awe on the other girl's faces. "If you think this is extravagant," she chuckles, "just wait until you see what Luna, Costia, Anya, the other Nightbloods, and I used to come up with. There are portraits done by Sikifa, I'll dig some out of the storage level if you want to see."

Aden and Madi approach them, cheeks flushed grey with cold but still beaming. "So, Heda?" Madi asks. "It is impressive," Lexa responds, crouching to their height. "Very impressive. I'm afraid we beat you again, however," she ends teasingly. Madi and Aden groan playfully. "You'll have to show us the portraits for us to believe it," Aden says, sticking his tongue out at Lexa, who laughs. "I will, don't worry."

The two run away, bickering and yelling commands to the others. "She says she beat us!" Madi shouts, and the reactions are mixed - some shake their heads in disbelief, some groan, some laugh. Lexa watches them all so fondly that Clarke's heart melts. The rest of the Nightbloods run down their makeshift ladders and drop ornaments, running to Lexa who laughs and crouches again to be on their level, chatting with them and listening patiently to their stories, offering advice and laughing at their jokes. Clarke's heart warms and solidifies, only to melt again as Lexa idly brushes some snow off the cheek of a girl named Emma and engages her in conversation, eyes genuine and interested. 

Raven and Octavia 'awww', echoing Clarke's sentiment exactly, and Lexa seems to remember their presence. She stands, taking Clarke's hands. "You all remember Raven and Octavia, and of course Clarke," she says to them, and they nod and shout confirmations excitedly. "You're the one who made things go boom!" One of the girls say, pointing at Raven, who looks shocked they remember her but then smiles proudly. "Yup, that's me. The one who makes things go boom." Octavia laughs and shoves Raven playfully. "Dork." 

After a few more minutes of casual conversation, the children speaking to Clarke, Raven and Octavia but practically swarming Lexa, another familiar (though not-so-beloved) figure approaches. Octavia and Raven groan, Clarke inclined to echo the sentiment, and Lexa's smile disappears as she stands, adopting a stoic expression. The Nightbloods look to who is approaching and immediately straighten, shoulders tense and hands folded behind their back in what they call 'classic Lexa pose'. For a moment, Clarke grieves for all of them - for these kids, who have to act like adults even when all they want to be is free, and for Lexa, who never got a childhood. At least she's been helping the Nightbloods, getting rid of most of the more brutal laws and trying to fix the others, training with them personally, teaching them that not all of their reign should be about war. There will be no more Conclaves, no more murder of children. The Nightbloods will be singled out through tests, and the one who scores the highest will receive the Flame - the others will become the honor guard of that Commander. 

Lexa didn't get any of that. She was torn from her home and forced to kill, forced to murder the others she trained with. And the instigator of all that...

"Titus," Lexa says, words clipped. The bald man bows. "Heda. Skai girls." Octavia bristles, probably to remind Titus for the millionth time that they were not Skaikru anymore, but she stops when Lexa raises a hand subtly. "Natblidas," Titus says stiffly, turning to the children. "You are to report for evening training at the same time as usual for the rest of Yuletime. With the new mandates in effect, your training is lessened normally, so we will be taking any extra time possible to finish it." Aden starts to protest, looking to Madi for solidarity. "But- It's Yuletime! There's no training on Yuletime! Even the stall owners don't work during Yuleti-" 

Titus cuts him off. "You are Nightbloods, not stall owners. You will be training tonight, on my orders." Aden backs off, face full of disappointment. These kids have yet to learn how to put the Commander's mask on. The other Nightbloods look down, defeated... but then Lexa speaks up, and they look back up, hopeful. 

"Actually, Titus, the Nightbloods will be keeping me company for the rest of the week. As you said, their training regimen is now focused on not only becoming the Commander but also protecting the Commander, sha? And who better to train with than their own Heda?" A few of the kids grin, Madi and Aden included. Titus clears his throat, displeased. "Leksa-" Lexa cuts him off. "That's Heda to you, Fleimkepa. You have not yet regained your honor nor your Heda's trust." 

Right. Because Titus had been the one feeding details about Lexa's supposed 'weakness' to Nia during the Azgeda-Coalition conflict recently. And when Lexa had found out... well, Clarke and the Nightbloods had particularly enjoyed that meeting. 

Titus bows, his face twisted as if he had bitten into a particularly sour lemon. "Sha, Heda." 

Lexa continues, "Furthermore, it seems that you are going against one of our strongest traditions! Yuletime is a period of rest, of rejuvenation, of refueling strength and celebrating the old harvest and the coming of the new one. Would you deny our youth the teachings of these history-rich holidays?" 

"No, Heda," Titus says, face contorting further. 

Lexa ends with, "If you are so adamant, however, on disregarding these traditions, I suppose that could be arranged, yes? If you would rather journey to Ouskejon Kru and remain there to negotiate over iron and equipment for the rest of the holiday...." 

Lexa lets her last sentence trail off, fighting the urge to laugh at the look of panic on Titus' face. Clarke, Raven, and Octavia don't even try to stifle their laughter. Giggles ripple through the group of Natblidas as well. Ouskejon Kru, the Blue Cliff Clan, is filled with hairy, buff, weathered, crude people - whether they are woman or man. A slight, bald, rather sheltered man like Titus would not fit in well, not to mention the extreme physical exertion needed to live in that clan. Their villages are dug out of cliff stone, and their culture is practically centered around climbing. Even further than that, food is sometimes scarce there, especially now, in the winter - they'd be living off the land, which means eating...

Clarke doubles over when she comes to that realization. Rats. They'd be eating rats, also known as one of the three animals Titus is terrified of. Ohhh, Lexa is smart. Too smart.

Lexa raises an eyebrow at the lack of response from Titus, who is even paler than usual, the tattoos on his scalp standing out starkly against the sudden pallor of his skin. "Should I take your silence as acquiescence, Titus?"

Titus jerks and rushes to exclaim hurriedly, "No! I mean, no, Heda, that will not be necessary! Please!" 

Lexa tamps down hard on the urge to smirk and flicks her hand dismissedly, watching as Titus scurries away like the animals he so hates. Once he's gone, though, amidst the triumphant cries from the Nightbloods and the sound of laughter from everyone in the surrounding area, Lexa allows herself a genuine smile, laughing slightly. "Well, that was entertaining," she says, smirking. "Gods, Lexa, that was..." Octavia starts, then dissolves back into laughter. "His face..." Raven tries. 

Clarke laughs again and then leans up to kiss Lexa's cheek. While she's there, she murmurs in Lexa's ear, "Look how happy you made them." She's obviously referring to the Nightbloods, and Lexa smiles. Clarke finishes, "And that was... really hot. You being all smart and lowkey manipulative and Slytherin-like, I mean." Lexa's brows furrow and she tilts her head, questioning, then it dawns on her. "Harry Potter. A Harry Potter reference, Clarke, really?" Clarke smirks at her. "Hey, you got it, didn't you? Besides," she says into Lexa's ear, "that's not important. The point is, you made them happy, it was hot, and... yeah. You yelling at Titus is definitely a turn-on." Lexa blushes light grey as Clarke grabs her hand. 

And yes, maybe they're still in public, but Clarke honestly can't resist leaning in and purring, "You're absolutely going to get rewarded later, hodnes."

She's pretty sure she broke Lexa because her girlfriend can do nothing but stare and open and close her mouth for a few moments, but soon enough the blush lightens and her stare darkens and she murmurs, "Looking forward to it," and it's all Clarke can do to keep her wicked grin from faltering at the insinuation in those words. "I'm sure you are."

The Nightbloods thank Lexa with various cries of "Mochof, Leksa!" or just plain "Thanks, Heda!" They run back to their tree, and Aden and Madi clamber back up the tallest ladder, reaching all the way to the top, as the others light the candles on and around the tree. For a moment, Clarke worries about the tree going up in flames, taking the kids with them, but Lexa feels how the grip on her hand has turned tighter and reassures, "It's fine, love. This isn't the first time they've done this, and there are fayagonakru (firefighters) there if needed."

Aden and Madi keep climbing, and Clarke notices the red object in their hands. She looks to Lexa questioningly, who shrugs innocently. "You'll see," she murmurs, then nods to Raven, who is beaming with pride. "What is that?" Clarke asks quietly as the crowds press in around them to watch the Nightbloods. "Tree lighting," Raven responds. "Remember? The candles are great, sure, but I've added a little bit of an extra surprise. Watch and learn, Princess."

Once the two young Nightbloods reach the top of the tree, there's a little bit of jostling, and the crowd gasps as one when Aden wobbles. Madi pulls him back on, however, and shoots a cheeky grin at the crowd. "En's ku (It's fine)!" She shouts. Lexa shakes her head in equal parts exasperation and amusement. "Madi always was one for dramatics," she murmurs, and Clarke smiles at the fondness in her tone. 

Aden and Madi place the red thing on the top of the tree, clamber back down, and make their way over to the other Nightbloods. They're all crowding around something, muttering and mumbling random colors, for some reason. Raven's smile only gets wider. 

When the group's tight-knit formation breaks for a second to let Aden and Madi in, Clarke can see that they're gathered around a box, a mechanical one - there are buttons and wires and flashing lights all over it, and for a second Clarke panics. "That's not a bomb, Raven, is it? Is it? Gods, Raven, that had better not be a bomb." 

Raven shushes her as the muttering from the Nightbloods die down and the black-haired, blue-eyed girl, Emma, reaches over and explains something in a calm, level voice. "I love that kid," Raven sighs. "She picked everything up so fast. She'll be making dynamite and gunpowder in no time." Octavia slaps Raven's shoulder. "No corrupting the youth," she says, and Raven sticks her tongue out at her. 

Emma twists a few knobs, pushes a couple of buttons, accepts what seem to be requests from the others about color. Then she smiles and motions for Madi to push the final button, but Madi waves her hand at her to go ahead. She does, beaming, and then wow. 

The entire tree lights up, twinkling green and red and blue and white lights spread all across it, forming criss-crossing lines that leave Clarke almost dizzy, but in a good way. The top is a star, blood red and bright. It's the exact same shade and consistency of Lexa's cape, and there's no way that's a coincidence, not as Lexa calls the Nightbloods over and they embrace her, joyful, proud faces flickering with blues and greens and reds. Someone murmurs something in Trigedasleng and Lexa laughs. "You did well, Natblidas," she says quietly, and the children beam. Emma smiles shyly as Madi pulls her up to the front and says, "She rigged the whole thing up, Heda." The black-haired girl blushes, and Lexa says, "A job well done, Emma." Raven continues the praise, raving about the dexterity with which Emma had commanded the whole thing, and Clarke thinks absently that she'd never seen Emma fight. Everyone thinks that either Madi or Aden will become Commander, but seeing the tender way Lexa smiles at Emma, the way the other Nightbloods adore her, she thinks that maybe she should make it a priority to check on this girl's training. Madi and Aden seem to have competition, and it looks like they don't mind one bit.

Later, her suspicions are confirmed when Lexa says, "Aden and Madi are wonderful, but honestly they are just the facade. Usually, Emma comes up with the plans and sets them in motion, but she's always content to let the others take the credit. She's not shy, exactly, she's not afraid to assert her opinions and claims and she doesn't lack confidence, but she is almost painfully modest. The others love her. I believe she may very well be my successor," Lexa confides in a low tone to Clarke. "I do not think the others would be bitter, either. Madi and Aden would be expected to be jealous, but they are instead her fiercest supporters. She is honestly ideal for the Commander's title; and this is without seeing her fighting skills." Octavia tunes into the conversation. "She's good?" 

Lexa nods. "Oh, she's good. Very good. I could see her beating everyone in a fair fight, and that's without the cunning tricks up her sleeve." Raven is chatting animatedly with the girl, who seems to be just as interested, blue light reflecting off her face. "The Nightbloods rarely have happy beginnings," Lexa says softly, "but Emma's past is more tragic than most. She's only twelve summers, but that girl has triumphed over more hardship than most Commanders do in their lifetimes."

Clarke studies the blue-eyed girl. Her eyes are alight with excitement, and she responds to Raven enthusiastically, making supporting hand gestures. Raven grins and responds with equal enthusiasm. 

"Where's she from?" she asks Lexa. The green-eyed woman's lips thin. "Technically... Trikru. She was born here, raised here. Her mother is Louwoda Kliron, her father Azgeda. They asked for asylum long ago, under Sikifa's rule." Clarke glances at Lexa. "And?"

Lexa sighs heavily. "As it turns out... they were not the best people. Emma... suffered much throughout her early years. She still bears the scars on her back from their frequent beatings." Clarke gasps a little, again glancing at the girl. "By the time we found out... some lasting emotional damage had been done. She was seven summers. She'd been taught- trained, really, by her parents. Trained not to speak, only to serve, trained to be out of sight and out of mind unless they wished to... I believe the word they used during their trials was 'ministrate'. Lexa exhales. "They were repulsive. Utterly unrepentant. I could barely stay with them in a room for five minutes to announce the verdict, and she had to live with them for seven years." 

Clarke looks at Lexa. "Is she... okay?" 

Lexa shrugs, eyes concerned, fixed on the black-haired girl. "Is she? I don't know. Probably not. She may never be. They left her with scars and many... issues. It took her a while to begin trusting me or the other Nightbloods - the fact that Titus was quite cruel to her in the beginning did not help. That was before she snapped, though."

"Snapped?" Octavia echoes. Lexa nods, the slightest smirk curling the corner of her lips. "Yes. She had been yelled at one too many times, and was in pain. This was maybe two months after she was assimilated into the Polis culture, and we had not yet realized that the scars on her back were infected." Clarke winces. "Exactly," Lexa says in response to Clarke's reaction. "Titus said something, I'm not quite sure what: she made the other Nightbloods vow not to tell anyone, and Titus is too afraid of her to go against that. Essentially, everything built up, and she basically exploded. What I gathered from the guards around the training area that day, and of course the Nightbloods' narratives, is that when he tried to make her demonstrate a tactic, she executed it perfectly, beat him in twenty-five seconds flat, kicked him in the ass, snapped his arm in two, and pulled out a piece of stolen Mount Weather tek - it had been in one of the storage rooms near their quarters and she had found it while exploring - and took a picture of his humiliation. I couldn't even be mad, once I saw the picture. Actually, everyone except Titus was equal parts impressed and giddy about it. Titus didn't live it down for years - he still hasn't, actually. Half the guards call him names reminiscent of the occasion behind his back, and another quarter call him those names to his face. It's honestly almost as legendary as the pig incident here in Polis. It earned her a lot of respect." 

Octavia is laughing. "Damn. Girl got mad skills. I wanna see her spar with you sometime." Lexa nods. "Anyway, after that Titus hasn't dared to so much as speak to her, much less needlessly scold her. The Nightbloods have taken to reenacting the event whenever Titus is near."

"What have we been doing?" A voice asks to their left, and Clarke jumps slightly, but Lexa just turns and laughs, ruffling Aden's hair. "I was telling them about the incident with Titus a few years ago." Aden seems to know exactly what Lexa is talking about, because he bursts out laughing. "When Emma kicked Titus' butt, you mean?" 

Emma and Raven have made their way back over, and Emma scoffs playfully. "We are not talking about this again," she says, smirking slightly, but Clarke can see now that the smile doesn't quite meet her eyes, and her face is more guarded. Madi walks over to her and converses with her in a low voice. Small phrases flit out, but nothing solid - the phrases are strange, almost as if they're in a different language. They are, Clarke soon realizes, when Lexa sees her confused expression and elaborates quietly, "Louwoda Kliron has it's own secondary language among the warriors of the clan. Emma picked it up from her mother, and Madi was obviously brought up there. They talk in that language whenever either of them don't want the rest of us hearing what they're saying." Octavia frowns appreciatively. "That's actually really cool."

The four friends speak with the Nightbloods a little while longer until a playful fight breaks out between the kids about who is better at wielding the axe: a boy named Liyam or Madi. The four don't think anything of it until someone jostles Emma a little too hard and she winces. 

Lexa's gaze goes sharp and analyzing, and she speaks in a quiet voice. "Emma, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" Emma looks wary, and Clarke remembers what Lexa had said about Emma's trust issues. "May I say no, Heda?" 

Lexa smiles gently. "You can always say no, Emma. It is not bad, I just wanted to check in on something." Emma relaxes slightly. "Yes, Heda. Where do you wish to speak?"

Madi looks a little concerned as the four friends and Emma pull away, and she calls something out in the other language. Emma responds in kind, and Madi seems to relax. 

They start walking back to the public eating area where the feast will be held, the other Nightbloods following a respectful distance behind, far enough away that they can't hear. "Would you mind if Clarke, Raven and Octavia stay, Emma?" Lexa asks softly, and the other girl hesitates for only a second before shaking her head. "Alright. Are you using the medication for your back?"

Emma's shoulders stiffen. Lexa adds, "You don't have to say anything, Em." The blue-eyed girl sighs. "It's alright, Lexa. I- no. I'm sorry, I should have, but I can't anymore, it hurts too much - and I couldn't reach with the pain, and you know that I can't have other people touching me, and now it hurts - I am very sorry, Heda, moba-" 

Lexa cuts her off and looks like she's going to touch Emma's shoulder, then evidently remembers the way Emma can't be touched without warning, and opts to smile at her instead. "Emma. You don't need to apologize. Ultimately it's your choice. If you do need someone to help you apply it, though, I'm sure Madi would be willing." Emma looks down slightly, blushing. "I- I don't want her to see. The scars," she finishes in a whisper. 

Lexa's expression falters. "You never need to be ashamed of those scars, Emma," she says quietly. "You are a survivor, a fighter, and they are only testimony to that. If you don't want Madi or the other Nightbloods to see, though, I am available, as is Clarke - her mother is the lead healer in Arkadia." Emma nods tentatively, keen blue eyes darting to look at Clarke and then back at Lexa in turn. "Mochof, Heda. May I go rejoin the others?"

Lexa nods, and Emma is off, making a beeline back to center of the children's ranks. They readily accept her and incorporate her back into the conversation - something about fruit, Clarke can't really hear from this far away - but she turns to Lexa. "She's still not entirely comfortable with us," Lexa confesses quietly. "Most of Polis adores her, and she trusts me and the other Natblidas enough, but there is still much healing to be done after the things they used to do to her." Clarke nods, Raven and Octavia doing the same. 

After a few moments of companionable silence as they arrive at the eating area, the only noise the sound of snow crunching beneath their feet, it's broken by the sound of Raven's stomach rumbling. "What?" she complains when the three turn to stare at her. "I'm hungry." 

Lexa laughs. "Good, because it's time for the feast." 

Raven and Octavia peel off, heading to their own spots: officially, Octavia sits with the Trikru warriors beside Indra, and Raven stays with the constructors and architects of the area. They wave as they disappear to their own respective places. 

Lexa moves to sit at the head of the table. She looks regal and commanding, even in her winter clothing, even without the Commander's warpaint and regalia. Clarke's seat is to her right, the other ambassadors seated in a group near her. Everyone else begins to file in, and before long the area is filled to the brim.

Lexa begins the meal with a few short words, nothing original - she'd told Clarke before that it was tradition, just a few Trigedasleng phrases drawing back to the Old World. The other people present respond in kind, and the food is brought out. 

And, wow. 

Clarke eats and eats until she can't anymore, filling her mouth and stomach with delectable foods, favorites and new tries, keeping up light conversation with some of the friendlier ambassadors that she'd gotten to know over the course of the meetings. There is no mention of her impending withdrawal from her position as Ambassador of Skaikru, but Clarke knows they're all thinking about it. She really couldn't do it anymore, though, representing such a cruel people. Skaikru had been nothing but condescending to the rest of the Coalition, all sneers and hateful, barbed words. Clarke wasn't going to bargain for them anymore. 

Lexa had accepted her resignation readily, and now Clarke's replacement was being nominated by Skaikru: of course, the final selection will have to be approved by Lexa, but Clarke is hoping that Skaikru will at least choose someone semi-capable. 

Clarke is pulled out of her thoughts by the clanking of silverware against empty plates, and pretty much everyone is just as full as Clarke is, apparently, because no one makes another move for the giant serving platters. They're pretty much demolished anyway, dishes picked apart and semi-vacant. She laughs along with the representative from Yujleda (her name is Jacelyn, Clarke believes) at a joke the junior ambassador from Boudalan just told, stretches and fights against a groan at the fullness in her gut, and glances at Lexa. 

She's laughing, head tilted back slightly, and when her posture straightens again Clarke can see the sparkle in those beautiful green eyes. She smiles and responds in Trigedasleng to the woman next to her, who smirks and says something else tauntingly. Nyx, the woman from earlier (who Clarke learns is the head of the Polis guard from the man sitting on her left), sits on Lexa's right, and she laughs and cajoles the other woman, nudging Lexa slightly, who shakes her head, smiling. 

Lexa's eyes drift across the tables and end up making eye contact with Clarke, who smiles at her. Those emerald eyes soften and crinkle at the corners in that private smile Clarke loves. They smile at each other for a few moments until someone on Lexa's left, a few people down, asks her a question, and Lexa breaks the eye contact to answer.

About an hour later, the feast is over. There's a few tipsy people milling about - Raven and Octavia are surprisingly not among them, for once - but most people have gone back home to party privately or get some sleep to brave the next day. Clarke pulls Lexa away as soon as she can. 

"C'mon, babe," she whispers into Lexa's ear under the pretense of brushing a strand of hair back behind her girlfriend's ear. She presses a chaste, innocent kiss to Lexa's temple that directly offsets the not-so-chaste, innocent words that come next. "I believe you promised me something this morning. And I believe I promised you payback. And a reward." 

Lexa blushes but complies, letting Clarke drag her away from the doting crowds and towards the tower. 

They're in their bedroom in less than ten minutes, and Clarke has both of their clothes off in twenty seconds flat, even with the unwieldy winter clothing they're both wearing. 

They both make good on their promises.

(A/N: I know, I know, no smut... that'll come later, I promise. Just not that much in the Christmas AU... Clarke and Lexa are way too adorable in this for that. Sorry.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎶All I want for Christmas is youuuu...🎶


	5. Yuletime Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no one to blame but myself for this update being so late.   
> Well, that and COVID, but really it's me because I can't stop reading fanfiction instead of writing.  
> I have a small issue so check that out in the end notes and give me some advice, yeah?

Lexa wakes up first, this time. 

Clarke is still sleeping, expression peaceful. She twitches slightly as Lexa shifts, seeking out Lexa's warmth subconsciously, and relaxes again when Lexa chuckles and stops attempting to get up, instead running her hand through Clarke's tangled hair: courtesy of their actions the night before. Clarke smells like strawberries and Lexa sighs, content in that moment to stay there in their bed, shedding any responsibilities or titles and just being with the woman she loves. 

After a few more moments of hair stroking and soft kisses peppered on her face, Clarke's sapphire eyes flutter open. She looks up to see her girlfriend, sitting up, blankets barely covering her nudity. Lexa's eyes are closed and she's humming contentedly, and Clarke smiles at the peace in her face. "Good morning, love," she sighs, leaning up to kiss her, watching as Lexa smiles into the kiss, not opening her eyes. They both relax back into their original positions and Lexa resumes combing through Clarke's blond locks. "What are the intricate thoughts behind that pretty face, hmm?" Clarke hums after a few quiet minutes. 

Lexa opens her eyes, taking in the sight of her smiling girlfriend, and offers Clarke a half-smile. "Nothing," she says neutrally. "I'm just... I'm happy." Clarke's smile widens. "About Yuletime?" she teases. Lexa laughs and Clarke shifts to sit up beside her. Lexa smiles at her. "Happy because of you. You, and our friends, and the peace among our people." 

Clarke glances at her, taking in the tentative joy on her girlfriend's face, and reaches for the items on their nightstand. "We don't have to get out of bed for another hour," she says by means of explanation as she hands Lexa the book. She opens her sketchbook to a new page - one of the last pages that haven't been filled already, actually - and starts sketching Lexa, who raises an amused eyebrow but opens her book to a paused page and starts reading. 

Forty-five minutes pass and Clarke has finished sketching. She's filled two pages with sketches of Lexa's eyes and lips and hands. But Lexa's still not done reading, and Clarke's bored, and she kinda sorta really wants her girlfriend's attention, so she flops over dramatically over her legs and pouts when Lexa doesn't react beyond a quiet chuckle. So Clarke gets up, lays out her outfit for the day, brushes her teeth, and freshens up. When she comes back into the room, Lexa's still reading, brow furrowed, and Clarke peeks over her shoulder to see. 

~"And to the devil with it if she is!" said the Consul. "One girl, who is not even Nephilim, is not, CANNOT be our priority!" "She is MY priority!" Will shouted.~ (A/N: THE INFERNAL DEVICES YAY)

Clarke turns her head and presses her nose into Lexa's neck, smiling against her skin at Lexa's soft gasp. "I haven't seen you read that one before," Clarke murmurs, and Lexa finally finally finally closes the book. "Hmm," she hums, one hand coming up to hold Clarke's head against the crook of her neck, head tilting slightly to the side to give Clarke more access. The blonde grins and happily obliges her girlfriend, planting kisses on the soft, warm skin. After a few moments she stops, leaning her forehead on Lexa's shoulder, reveling in that soothing sensation of Lexa running her hand through her blonde waves again. 

“Oh!” Lexa says, remembering something. Clarke whines in protest when she makes to move and Lexa sighs, laughing quietly. “I forgot to give you your gift last night. Would you like it now?” 

Clarke perks up at that, lifting her head from Lexa’s shoulder. “Oooh, yes. I forgot to give you yours, too! Hold on.”

She scrambles off the bed and quickly slips her robe and slippers on (the floor is freezing during the winter, despite the crackling fireplace in the corner of the room) and glances back to see Lexa blink in surprise. “What?” Clarke asks, giggling at the confusion plainly written across Lexa’s face. 

Her girlfriend looks down, blushing slightly. “Nothing.” 

Clarke narrows her eyebrows teasingly. “It doesn’t seem like nothing. What’s wrong?” 

A few seconds, and then Lexa blurts, “You didn’t have to get me anything, is all. I didn’t want to pressure you into anything. That’s why I didn’t say anything in the first place….”

Clarke frowns slightly. “Lexa, I didn’t get you gifts because I felt like I had to, I got them because I wanted to. You deserve them more than anyone.” Lexa makes a soft, disbelieving noise, and Clarke’s heart breaks a little. They’d made progress throughout their relationship with the self-loathing Lexa sometimes harbors, but her girlfriend still doesn’t fully believe she’s deserving of the care and love Clarke is more than eager to share. “Babe.” 

Lexa doesn’t meet her eyes. “Babe,” Clarke repeats, more insistently. “Lexa.” 

She walks to the side of their bed and takes Lexa’s hand. “Baby, please look at me.” 

Green eyes lift to meet hers, full of doubt and insecurity that Lexa would never allow anyone else to see, and Clarke offers her a small smile. Lexa tries to offer her one back but it falls flat, and Clarke knew when everything between them started that this was always going to be something they had to face together; that Lexa has been put down all her life and told she was nothing but a sacrificial lamb since the day she was old enough to comprehend anything, that it was going to take time and patience to remedy the guilt and burdens placed on Lexa’s shoulders at birth - Clarke knew all that, but it still breaks her heart to see Lexa so insistent that she doesn’t deserve to be loved. 

“Lexa. I love you, okay? And I know it’s hard to forget all those things people have been saying to you all these years but I need you to know that it’s not true. I need you to know that you are amazing, and wonderful, and kind, and everyone knows it. Yes, you’ve killed people, and yes, you’ve done bad things, but so have I, and we did them to help the people we loved. And your people know that, I know that, our friends know that - Lex, everyone knows it and they love you for it. You are not a bad person. And you are every bit deserving of happiness as I am, or your people are, or anyone else is. And part of that,” Clarke smiles cheekily, “is presents.”

Lexa smiles at her, eyes still sad but less so, and Clarke inwardly breathes a sigh of relief. “C’mon, I want my gift. And I know you want yours,” she teases, and Lexa allows Clarke to pull her up out of bed and dress her in her robe. Then she pulls Lexa in for a long kiss that gets very heated very fast, and Clarke is left gasping as Lexa reciprocates just as passionately. "Presents," she manages to say as she moves backwards slightly. Lexa makes a noise of disinterest and pulls her back in. 

About ten minutes later Lexa finally relents and goes to get the first of Clarke's presents, Clarke finding her own secret hiding spot (in the bathroom in the cabinet below the sink, it's not that secret, really). Clarke plops down onto the carpet in front of the fireplace, forgoing the chairs around them, and after a second Lexa comes and joins her. 

Clarke hands the four brown packages to Lexa, laughing as Lexa opens them and looks back up at Clarke with a half-incredulous, half-excited expression on her face. "Candles." Clarke grins. "They're special edition, the shopkeeper said. She put them aside for this exact purpose." Lexa smiles, then spends a good five minutes studying the labels. "I don't think I've ever seen these scents before...." she says in a neutral tone, but her eyes tell a different story, sparkling in delight. Clarke's smile grows wider and wider as Lexa takes the candles to their nightstand - a place that Lexa considers a place of honor for her candles - and when Lexa finally comes back to sit beside Clarke, she looks at Clarke fondly but a little strangely. "Why are you smiling like that?" she asks, laughing, slightly apprehensive. Clarke shrugs. "I like seeing you happy," she confesses, and Lexa's smile softens, becomes more tender. She kisses Clarke's forehead and hands her the largish red package sitting beside her. 

Clarke rips the packaging open, red scraps of paper littering the floor in every which direction. It's more endearing than intimidating, but only slightly so, and Lexa has to reign in her wince at the ferocity with which she tears into the package. 

Clarke's lips stretch into a smile when she sees the contents. "You noticed?"

Lexa nods and smiles back at her. "Of course I noticed."

In the carcass of the packaging lie ten sketchbooks, the exact color and make of Clarke's usual one. She'd finished the last of her supply approximately an hour earlier, and she thumbs through the blank pages quickly before turning to beam at Lexa. Then Lexa hands her another package, still red but smaller, and Clarke rips that one open as well to reveal a small pack of charcoal pencils. 

Clarke drops the supplies (which isn't the smartest idea, but nothing seems to have cracked) and throws her arms around Lexa. After coming to Polis, she found a certain small shop that sold art supplies, and it was her go-to for supplies like the charcoal - everyone else made it too dusty or brittle - but it had closed temporarily. Somehow Lexa had managed to get her hands on this pack, which will definitely last Clarke long enough for the shop to hopefully reopen. 

Lexa's arms come around her to reciprocate the hug, and Clarke whispers, "Thank you." Lexa smiles. "You're welcome. Thank you for the candles." Clarke grins. "Anything for you, babe," she teases. "Even buying some tacky pillars of wax." Lexa fake-gasps. "How dare you insult my candles." Clarke giggles. "Babe, you're a little obsessed." 

Lexa's eyes darken just a tiny bit, and Clarke blinks. "Are you okay?" she asks. Lexa smiles, the momentary darkness leaving her eyes. "Yes. Did I ever tell you why I like candles so much?"

Clarke shakes her head, intrigued. "Do tell."

"There's an old legend among our people," Lexa begins. "A legend about the moon, and why it is much less bright than the sun. They say that when the human race here was just beginning, and they came into the winter months, it was always dark and cold. They had no fire and no light, and the Sun seemed to disappear during those months." Clarke leans into Lexa's warmth and closes her eyes, concentrating on her words. Lexa's a great storyteller, something Clarke had been delighted to discover. Her voice is expressive and melodic, her tone passionate. 

"The humans met and argued over the solution to their problem - they were dying, they were hungry, and they were so very cold. The eldest and the wisest of their leaders listened to them all and then proposed a solution: what if they asked the Sun, who was notorious for his heat, if he would bestow some upon them? The eldest knew that the Sun would come out during the Winter Solstice, a time of deep cold, to flaunt his light only to disappear behind fog and mountains again, leaving the humans to be consumed by the frigid cold. So on the day of the Winter Solstice, they begged the Sun for some of its fire, but the Sun was proud, and he did not grant the humans its light. 'If I give you my light, you could become equal to me,' he growled, 'and that can never happen, for I am the greatest entity in the land.' He sent them off with raw, red skin and heavy hearts. So the humans despaired, but the elder said, 'Look! There! Faint, but there is light. It is the Stars! Surely they will grant us some of their light.' So the humans approached the stars, but the stars only glared and huffed, refusing to show the humans their sparkling light lest the humans steal it."

"So again, the humans despaired. The eldest tried to rally them one more time, saying, 'There is an entity almost as bright as the Sun itself, who only comes out at night. It is the Moon! She will surely grant us light.' But the nights were even colder, and many humans gave up and resigned themselves to their imminent demise. A few brave ones, though, bundled up in their remaining furs and packed the last of their provisions, and began the treacherous climb to the peak of the highest mountain in the land, the only place they could reach the Moon."

"They reached the top of the mountain, dodging attacks from mountain panthers and mutated monsters that spawned from the dark and cold Abyss below the mountain, running out of food and having to live off of the patches of wild grass sparsely growing here and there. But they made it, and the Moon shone down upon them, and her light was so warm and radiant that it melted the ice around them. The brave travelers fell to their knees and beseeched her, begging her for mercy. 'We will not become better than you, we swear,' they said, 'as the Sun believed, and we will not steal from you as the Stars thought. All we want is to survive.' The Moon smiled kindly down at them, and said to them, 'I will give you my light. From it you will thrive, building great structures and forming great nations. But you must remember that today will be known as my day, not the Sun's, nor the Star's.' The travelers thanked her, filled with joy, and she gave them a single torch of her light. They watched as her light dimmed slightly, then set to lighting other sticks and torches."

"When they looked back to thank the Moon again, they found her so dim that it seemed she had been cut into pieces, leaving only one sliver of light, like a crescent. They asked her what had happened, and she replied sadly, faintly, 'This is the price for your success. I will regenerate, as all immortals do, once a month - but then I will wane and wax, a never-ending cycle. Do not waste it, and do not forget my sacrifice. You will be reminded of me every night, when you see my light, however faint, in the sky.' One of the travelers, a young woman, wept over the Moon's state. 'And when you are nothing, not even a sliver, such as this? How shall we remember you then?' she asked. The Moon replied, 'There is a price you must pay as well. That is how you shall remember me; in every light, every candle and torch and lantern, there is a piece of you. Those of you who die will come to join me from now on, and they will regenerate my power. Your lost ones are present in every flame you light, no matter how faint, how small. As I am, so you will also be.’”

Lexa smiles at Clarke, who stares back, enraptured with the tale. "So our people believe that in every candle we light, our dead loved ones are present. That is why we burn our warriors, that is why I light these candles. It's a reminder and a reassurance."

"Damn," Clarke says after a moment. "I mean, I thought the candles were just a quirky hobby, an obsession at best, but no. No, you have to make it into something deep and beautiful." Lexa laughs softly. "Well, I am fond of them," she says quietly, and the little half-smile on her lips makes her look so beautiful that Clarke has to lean over and kiss it off. 

Of course it escalates from there, but Lexa only laughs at Clarke's whine as she pulls away. "We have plans, hodnes," she murmurs against Clarke's lips as the blonde pulls her in for another kiss. Clarke grumbles something that Lexa can't make out but changes position to lay her head on Lexa's shoulder again, breathing in her scent and relaxing. "What plans?" she says in a low tone, content to just stay in the moment. Lexa brushes Clarke's hair away from her face and says, "If you are too tired, we can stay..." Clarke shakes her head. "I'm not tired, I just... I really love you, you know that?"

She can't see Lexa's face from her current position but she can imagine the smile forming on pink lips, green eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. A glance up confirms her suspicions. She smiles back at Lexa, who hums happily. "Ai hod yu in sentaim, niron (I love you too, lover/partner)."

After a few moments of silence, Clarke looks back up at Lexa. "What plans?"

Lexa grins. "You will see."

Which is how Clarke finds herself dressed and eating breakfast in the dining hall half an hour later, waiting for Lexa to get back from some mysterious errand. Raven and Octavia are eating with her, and the former has a mischievous sparkle in her eye that tells Clarke that Raven knows where Lexa's gone, but when Clarke presses her for information Raven clamps her mouth shut and shakes her head. "You're not getting anything out of her," Octavia finally sighs after Clarke's fourth failed attempt. "I've been trying all morning."

Raven grins and nods but doesn't add anything. "She says Lexa made her swear she wouldn't say anything. Anything at all." Octavia continues, picking at her fruit bowl and finally selecting a piece of pineapple. She stares at the yellow fruit, contemplative, then pops it into her mouth and shrugs, chewing. "Honestly, I think I know what it is. If it's what I think it is," the brunette finishes, "I think you'll like it." 

Lexa comes back a few minutes later, nose tinged grey from the cold. (A/N: For those of you who don't understand all the times when I use "grey'' to describe Lexa blushing or her skin when it's cold out, it's because she's a Nightblood and her blood is black so instead of blushing pink - a lighter shade of our red blood - she would blush grey - a lighter shade of her black blood. In the same way, our noses and cheeks would go pink if we were out in the cold too long, but hers would go grey, if that makes sense.) Clarke watches as she approaches, stopping at a couple of tables as people call her over and converse. 

Eventually she makes it to their table, and Clarke moves to make room beside her. Lexa sits down and Clarke wordlessly hands her a plate full of her favorites. Her girlfriend smiles gratefully and starts eating. “So,” Octavia says after a few minutes. “We gonna get going or what? Clarke and I are dying of the suspense. Raven has refused to say a word to us all morning.”

Lexa nods and stands up, shooting a small smile to Raven, who beams back. “Yes. Follow me.” Everyone stands and shrugs on their various winter clothing, and Clarke brushes a bit of snow off the shoulder of Lexa’s coat, taking her hand as they walk to the door.

After a half hour of walking, Clarke finds that they are outside of Polis’ walls. They’re taking a small path downwards, and Clarke can’t help but be curious; she’s never been here before.

"Babe, where are we?" she asks, but Lexa only hums neutrally and continues to lead her on the path. 

It winds through the forest, and the snow-covered trees are picturesque against an unusually clear sky. It's beautiful, and as Lexa lets go of her hand and walks ahead slightly, the only one ahead on the path (Octavia and Raven are behind them), Clarke tries to capture the moment as best she can. She knows this is going to get painted later and wonders if she can find a way to include it in the small book she's making about the two of them as well. 

She speeds up slightly and rounds a corner, finding Lexa standing alone, staring out on a winter oasis - a frozen lake surrounded by snow-dusted pine trees, hills frosted in a thick layer of puffy white snow stretching out a little ways further. She looks back for a moment, and seeing that Octavia and Raven have yet to catch up, pulls her girlfriend in for a long kiss. Lexa's lips are somehow still warm and the contrast of them against Clarke's own cold ones is enough to make Clarke gasp and then pull her in closer. 

She pulls away after a few more seconds, standing next to her girlfriend, leaning her head on her shoulder and taking in the scenery around them. "It's beautiful, Lex," she says quietly, seeing her breath form small clouds in the air in front of her. Lexa smiles. "It's almost even more beautiful in the summer, when the ice has melted and the plants have grown back," she says with equal quiet. "I come here to think, sometimes. It's serene in a way that I can't seem to find anywhere else." Clarke smiles and kisses the tip of Lexa's nose. "Well, then, thank you for sharing the serenity with me."

From behind them, they hear the sounds of Raven and Octavia laughing and bickering and Clarke rolls her eyes fondly. "Although, I have to say, that serenity might not last long." Lexa huffs a laugh. "We'll have to put limits on how often they can visit, yes?" she says, pressing a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "That way it can be just you and me." Clarke beams.

Raven and Octavia stop short when they see the natural scenery around them, the former whistling and the latter breathing a soft 'wow'. The corner of Lexa's mouth quirks up into a smile at their reactions and she tugs on Clarke's hand, leading her down a gentle slope to get closer to the lake. "I brought you here for a reason," she says, motioning for Octavia and Raven to follow. Raven grins and Octavia's look is one of dawning realization and excitement, and Clarke can't help but feel a teensy bit irritated that she's still in the dark.

Or, at least, she is until she sees the four identical pair of skates propped up against a pine tree close to the edge of the frozen lake. Her mouth stretches into a tentative smile, and she starts forward, leaving Lexa and the others behind. She can also see four wooden boards - are they boards? - stacked next to them, but on further inspection she realizes that they're the sleds Lexa was talking about a couple days earlier. She whips her head back around to look at her girlfriend excitedly. "Wait, are we...?" she starts to ask, then trails off at Lexa's affirming nod. She lets out a sound that's embarrassingly close to a squeal (who is she kidding, it's definitely a squeal) and launches herself at her girlfriend. Lexa, caught slightly off guard, rocks back a little but manages to keep her balance, and as Clarke's arms come around her waist she holds her just as tightly. 

"Happy Yuletime," Lexa murmurs softly, then pulls back slightly. "You might want to grab a sled and a pair of skates before Raven and Octavia take them all and bury them in the snow, however," Lexa finishes, and Clarke's head snaps up from it's position on Lexa's shoulder. She darts towards the two brunettes, shouting something as Raven laughs evilly and she and Octavia start sprinting away. 

Lexa watches them fondly until Clarke calls out to her for help and she sighs, laughing as she breaks into a run, easily passing Raven (snatching the two pairs of skates from her in the process and handing both to Clarke, leaving behind an outraged mechanic and a smug blonde) and pumping her legs harder to catch up to Octavia, who has the sleds. The other brunette is faster than Raven and stronger, too, both stemming from her training as Indra's Second, but Lexa's the Commander and the best warrior in the thirteen clans and soon overtakes her. 

Octavia uses a couple of tricks up her sleeve, and she throws a sled at Lexa and one to the side to slow her down, but Lexa catches the first easily and her hand darts out to catch the second as well. She shoulders both, using the steering rope attached to the sleds as straps similar to the design of a backpack, and runs back after Octavia. 

The brunette is a little ways ahead and she's quite fast but Lexa is faster and the chase comes to a close as Lexa literally tackles her to the ground. Octavia is shocked for a moment at the coldness of the snow beneath her and at Lexa's prowess but after she gets over her shock she bursts out laughing. Lexa does the same, and Raven and Clarke (who catch up to them in the next few minutes) find Octavia cackling as Lexa grins triumphantly. The green-eyed brunette stands as her girlfriend stops at her side, then, and shrugs off the weight of the two sleds, dropping one at Clarke's feet. 

Clarke's still wearing that smug smirk and the blonde grins at Lexa before turning her smile into a mocking one and looking at Raven. "Ha, my girlfriend's better than yours." Raven sticks her tongue out at Clarke before sighing. "Okay, yeah, Lexa's better than anyone. And, like, everyone." Octavia squawks in outrage and then echoes Raven's resigned sigh. "Fair point.

Everyone eventually stops laughing and they're faced with the task of actually skating. Octavia and Raven get theirs on in only a few minutes, figuring out the straps, and then waddle over to the lake, taking unsteady steps onto the ice but eventually getting it. The sight of the sharp blades on the bottom of the skates kind of panics Clarke, though, especially as she witnesses Octavia and Raven's first few disastrous failures. Her eyes get wider and wider with every crash and face plant, but Lexa is not going to let that stop Clarke from enjoying it. 

"Come on, niron," she says gently. Clarke, sitting on a fallen log a couple feet off the ground, glances at her girlfriend to see that she's holding two pairs of skates. She shakes her head. "Um, no, I actually think I'm going to opt-" a resounding crash sounds from behind them, and she looks back at the frozen pond to see Octavia has fallen on the ice, Raven almost doubled over laughing. "Opt out," Clarke finishes, gulping. 

Lexa kneels in front of her in the snow, drawing Clarke's attention away from the antics of their friends. "Clarke. I will teach you, and I'll be holding you the whole time. I promise I won't let you fall," she concludes with a tentative smile, eyebrow raised as if in question. Clarke looks at the catastrophe that is Octavia and Raven and then looks back at her girlfriend's semi-pleading semi-excited face, and sighs, giving in. "Fine. But if I fall...." 

She trails off. Lexa smiles. "You won't."

Still kneeling in front of Clarke, she takes a pair of skates and gently slips them on, buckling the various pieces and tightening the straps, then sliding the wooden covers off the blades on the bottom and placing them carefully on the log. She sits next to Clarke and quickly grabs her own skates, slipping them on and finishing the whole buckling process expertly. "I've been doing this since I was seven," she says at Clarke's almost-disbelieving look at her efficiency. 

Lexa stands in a fluid motion, balancing on the skates easily. Clarke gapes at her, and Lexa chuckles. “Come on,” she says, holding a hand out. “I won’t drop you.” Clarke studies her hand for a moment and then grabs it, slowly rising. “Okay,” she says once she’s on her feet. “Okay, this isn’t too bad.” She manages to take a few steps forward until she stumbles just a bit and Lexa’s hand grips her shoulder, steadying her. “You may want to reserve judgement until after we get on the ice, niron,” Lexa says quietly, amused. Clarke shoots her a playful glare.

Clarke wobbles along and with Lexa’s help she reaches the edge of the ice in a few minutes. “Um, Lex?” Her girlfriend turns to her, and Clarke mumbles, “Really, Lexa, please don’t let me fall.” Lexa offers Clarke a smile, letting Clarke grab on to her arm. “I wouldn’t dream of it, prisa.” 

Raven and Octavia skate over, finally haven gotten the hang of it. “Hey, Clarkey!” Octavia shouts. “Look what Raven and I can do! Rae, come on let’s do the thing.”

Raven groans. “I don’t want to do the thing.” Octavia whines, “You have to do the thing. Unless your leg is hurting you…” she adds worriedly. Clarke chances a quick look at the leg brace. Raven’s skates are specially designed, probably by Raven, to connect to the brace - the design would keep her leg from hurting for the most part, but exertion would probably still irritate it. “No,” Raven sighs. “My leg is okay. Fine, we’ll do the thing.” 

They skate off and do some complicated maneuver that involves Raven dramatically falling - Clarke catches her barely-concealed wince when she hits her bad leg - and Octavia essentially picking her up and twirling her around, careful not to cut her face on the blades attached to Raven’s flailing legs. She puts Raven down and the two skate back over. “So?” Octavia beams. Clarke grins. “Can we learn how to do that?” she asks Lexa, and her girlfriend raises an eyebrow. “You have to learn to skate first, Clarke. And to do that you have to step onto the ice.”

Clarke sticks her tongue out at Lexa and then sighs. “Fine, teach me how to skate, then.” Lexa grins and steps backwards onto the ice, balancing expertly. Clarke slowly, ever so slowly, follows her. 

And promptly falls backwards, Lexa catching her quickly. 

“Shit!” Clarke yelps, her skates skidding across the ice, unable to get a grip on the slick surface. She remains suspended there for a few moments as Lexa tries to stop laughing - Clarke glares at her as she laughs. “Okay, I apologize, niron,” Lexa says after a few moments. “Well, I don’t accept your apology,” Clarke huffs. Lexa smiles sweetly. “Well then, I think I’m going to join Raven and Octavia over there.” 

She points at their friends, now only holding Clarke with one arm. Of course, Lexa’s strong as all hell and Clarke can feel her arm muscles flexing even through the coat. Her grip doesn’t waver, steady. Clarke sighs inwardly. Her girlfriend is too perfect - she hasn’t even broken a sweat and she’s been holding Clarke like this for about a minute. It’s not fair that Lexa can do that kind of stuff without any signs of exertion.

Clarke processes Lexa’s earlier words suddenly, having been distracted beforehand. “No!” she exclaims a little too loudly. “Don’t you dare,” she remedies, still glaring at her girlfriend, who starts laughing again. “Leeeeexaaaa,” Clarke whines. “Claaaaaaarke,” Lexa says back, mocking her childish tone. “Help me up.” 

Lexa sighs dramatically. “Fine.” 

With one easy movement Clarke is pulled up from her previous dangling position and she’s flung forward into Lexa’s warm arms. With Lexa steadying her she manages to keep her balance and she releases her death grip on Lexa’s biceps just enough to pound her fist on Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette doesn’t even flinch. “Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again,” Clarke says, punching what seems to be rock-hard muscle. “Ow,” she mutters, the efforts hurting her more than Lexa, apparently. Lexa smiles at her antics but Clarke’s still glaring at her and the smile turns sheepish. “I’m sorry, Clarke. Are you still mad at me?” 

Clarke nods. “Yes. That hurt, Lexa.”

Lexa’s eyes go from tentatively amused to worried. “Did I hurt you? Are you alright?” she asks, a little nervous. She starts to withdraw but Clarke pulls her closer, relishing in her warmth. “I’m not hurt, Lex,” she mutters into Lexa’s shoulder. “Well, my pride is. But I’m fine.” Lexa relaxes slightly but she’s still a little tense. “Lex. Please stop worrying.” Clarke says, peering up at emerald eyes. “Okay,” Lexa murmurs and Clarke smiles at her. “I’m not mad anymore, by the way,” she says. “You’re too perfect to be mad at.” Lexa smiles and gently pries Clarke from her koala-like embrace of Lexa’s body. “Can I teach you?” she asks, gesturing at the skates they’re wearing. Clarke nods.

Which is how she finds herself trying and failing to cross the lake, even with Lexa’s help. “It’s too hard,” she says after another failed attempt to push herself across the lake. Octavia skates in circles around them, shouting a mixed variety of insults and encouragement, and Lexa mock glares at her before turning her attention back to Clarke. “You can do it, niron. Clarke Griffin doesn’t give up, sha (yes)?” Clarke sets her jaw. “If you say so. What do I need to do again?” 

Lexa walks her through the steps again. And again. And again. But eventually Clarke gets it. She wobbles slightly but manages to slide across the ice. Compared to Lexa’s graceful glide across the ice she’s a mess but at least she’s functional. She beams with pride at her girlfriend who smiles back. Octavia shoots her a thumbs up and Raven yells, “Took you long enough, Princess! You suck!” 

Clarke growls playfully. “You’re dead.” Raven sticks her tongue out. “You’ll have to catch me first, Grandma,” she says referring to Clarke’s crawling pace. 

Clarke pouts slightly but then has an idea and grins. “Oh, Raven. I wasn’t talking about me.” She winks at Lexa, who starts into motion, sighing in amusement and exasperation. Raven’s eyes widen as she sees Lexa coming towards her with a shit-eating grin on her face and yelps. “Not this again!” she says as she desperately tries to skate away but Lexa catches her and drags her over to the side of the lake, throwing her into the snow. 

Raven’s wail of humiliation sends everyone into a laughing fit. She huffs and emerges from the snowbank, snow clinging to her clothing and hair like the sugar on the dough they’d eaten yesterday. Just the sight of her disheveled state makes the other three laugh even harder. Raven glares at them but then starts laughing herself. 

After a little while Clarke is skating around the lake with the others. Lexa’s obviously still a hell of a lot better than the other three but Clarke can at least keep up and they spend at least three hours just fooling around, teasing each other. At some point Lexa starts trying to teach them a few tricks and they get a couple but most of the attempts end in all four of them in a heap, laughing so hard they’re almost crying. It’s cold but not too cold, and Clarke finds herself grinning so wide her face feels like it’s going to split open. Even Lexa, who sometimes has a little trouble opening up around people who aren’t Clarke, is laughing freely. 

Eventually, though, their legs start getting tired from pushing themselves around the surface of the ice for so long, and they sit to take a break on the log Clarke had watched from three hours prior. Lexa pulls out a bag that Clarke hadn’t even noticed she’d been carrying and distributes four metal canteens. The liquid in them is warming the metal and Clarke shoots Lexa a questioning glance. “Hot chocolate,” is all she says in response and immediately Octavia and Raven have unscrewed the containers and are guzzling down the liquid. 

Lexa laughs and the sound warms Clarke’s whole body, no hot drink required.

There’s sandwiches in the bag, too, just enough to refill their energy after hours playing on the lakr but not enough to spoil their dinner - there’ll be another feast tonight, and since last night Clarke had attended as an ambassador she would be able to attend as Lexa’s partner tonight. 

After they finish eating, Lexa motions for the three to stand. Checking her watch, she says, “We have approximately an hour and a half until we have to go back. Do you want to try sledding?” Octavia and Raven nod vigorously and take off towards the stack of sleds Lexa had deposited beside the lake’s edge after she’d retrieved them from Octavia earlier. Clarke huffs a laugh and rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder. (A/N: If you haven’t already noticed, she does that a lot. It's a comfortable position.) “Are you tired, Clarke?” Lexa murmurs, and Clarke shakes her head. “No,” she hums, watching the slightly worried look on Lexa’s face dissipate. “Just wanna bask in the moment, ya know?” Lexa nods absentmindedly.

The content silence the two are sitting in is shattered as Raven grins deviously at them and practically shrieks, "Sledding?"

The two stand and make their way over. "The sleds are quite large, so if you want to learn how to operate it first," Lexa murmurs to Clarke, "we can take the first few runs together in one sled." Clarke nods eagerly. "Please."

Which is how Clarke has found herself trekking up a hill, Lexa in front of her pulling their sled. They reach the peak to find Octavia and Raven already waiting. "Jeez, what took you so long?" Raven complains. Lexa rolls her eyes playfully and then turns to address all three girls. "The sleds are easy to operate. Steer by leaning or pulling on the ropes. Stopping isn't really possible once you're going downhill, so essentially try to avoid crashing into trees. It's a lot of fun, once you get the hang of it, just like skating." The three girls nod, Octavia and Raven practically bouncing in excitement. Clarke laughs. "You guys can go, you know." Octavia whoops and both girls sit down on their sleds, pushing off once Octavia finishes her count down from five. 

Clarke and Lexa turn just in time to see Raven flipping her sled over and rolling halfway down the hill. Clarke winces as her sled hits a rock and goes flying. The two women standing on top of the hill can hear Octavia's laughter loud and clear. After a few seconds, Raven pops up halfway down the hill, snow once again covering her. "I'm okay!" she shouts to the two women on the top of the hill, giving them a thumbs-up, and then turns to Octavia. Her shouted challenge is drowned out in a gust of wind, but the competitive tone is enough to clearly convey her message. A few moments later, they're off. 

"I swear, one of them is going to kill themselves doing something stupid like this someday," Clarke sighs. Lexa laughs. "At least they will, ah, go out with a bang." 

Clarke laughs, then waves her hand at the stationary sled in front of them. "You gonna teach me or not?" she asks teasingly, and Lexa nods. "Yes. Come."

Clarke walks over and Lexa sits, leaving space between her and the front of the sled for Clarke. "Here," she says, patting the wood. The blonde obeys, sitting down and trying to find a comfortable position. She ends up straddling it, leaning back into Lexa's warmth. "Okay," she says quietly. "Okay, I'm ready, I think." 

Lexa smirks devilishly, and Clarke is a little confused for a moment. "Lexa, why are you smiling like tha-"

She's rather rudely cut off by sudden motion. And oh, gods, they're sliding down down down and Lexa's guiding the sled expertly, weaving through trees boulders; Clarke's mouth is open in a silent scream of fear and awe and Lexa laughs behind her, a single joyful sound, and it's enough to jolt her out of the shock. She's pretty sure she left most of her major internal organs on top of the hill, but Lexa is laughing, carefree and lighthearted and the sound of her whoop of joy makes Clarke want to echo it. 

So she does. 

And suddenly the fear is gone, and it's fast and kind of cold, the wind whipping at their faces, but Lexa is warm and steady behind her and damn it is so, so worth it. 

In a few more moments they're at the bottom, slope evening out, sled slowing. Lexa and Clarke come to a stop and take a minute just to regain their breath. Clarke's cheeks are pink with excitement and cold, and when she turns to Lexa she smiles toothily, blue eyes brighter than ever. Lexa smiles back at her, the adrenaline still present in her green eyes. "That. Was. Awesome," Clarke breathes. "Again?" 

After a couple more goes with Lexa, Clarke feels confident enough to try it herself. She's a little nervous but knows Lexa will help her if things go wrong, so she somehow finds the strength to drag the sled uphill, Octavia eventually coming over and helping her out as Lexa looks back and smirks, not even winded by her own wooden weight. Clarke sighs. "It's not fair that you're so strong!" she calls out and silently curses herself and her respiratory system that her statement is punctuated by panting breaths. Lexa obviously notices but makes no comment; instead, her smirk widens. 

Clarke grumbles something rather colorful but continues the long trek, eventually abandoning Octavia to pull her sled up and putting every last ounce of energy she had into her burning legs to catch up to Lexa. The brunette seems relaxed, and Clarke admires the way her forearms tense and muscles ripple as she takes every step. She could draw Lexa for days. 

And do other things to Lexa for days as well. Clarke's just waiting for the holidays to be over to try. 

"Lex," Clarke whines, knees buckling slightly. "Lexaaaaaa." 

Her girlfriend turns to look at her pathetic form, slowly sinking into the snow, but to her credit Lexa doesn't laugh. She walks back over to Clarke, who has given up entirely and sat down in the snow, and helps her up. "I have an idea."

So Clarke finds herself on the sled, being pulled uphill by Lexa. And dammit, her girlfriend still isn't showing any signs of exertion whatsoever. "I meant what I said before," Clarke says conversationally. "It really isn't fair that you're so strong." Lexa glances back at her with a raised eyebrow, maneuvering the sled (and Clarke) around a giant boulder with no difficulty whatsoever. "Firstly," she responds, just loud enough to be heard over the wind. "You seem to be benefiting quite a bit from that same strength." Clarke shrugs. That's fair. 

"Secondly," Lexa says, "I have been trained since I could stand in all forms of physical and mental exertion. It would be rather unfair for me to not be as strong as I am after all of that." Clarke tilts her head, pensive. "Fair enough." There's a moment of silence, punctuated by the wind, the sounds of their breathing, and the crunching of snow underneath the sled and Lexa's boots. They can hear phrases flitting uphill, shouted by Octavia or Raven or both, but the only discernible bit of dialogue comes next from Clarke. "Did you really start training once you could stand?"

Lexa hesitates slightly at the topic. "Yes," she says quietly. "My parents knew, obviously, of my status as a Nightblood, as well as Luna's. They began to train us early on so that we had a chance of surviving the Conclave. I was learning to hold a blade and could adopt a fighting stance by the time I hit my first summer. Once I was able to walk, the fighting lessons began. My parents were both experienced warriors, so our training was largely professional. When Luna and I eventually were sent to Polis, it didn't matter anyway. We hadn't been treated very well on the three week trip there, and were consequently unable to fight back until we had healed."

That raises a whole new crop of questions, but Lexa stops talking after that. Clarke takes in the new information and lets the silence envelop them again. It's still difficult for Lexa to speak about her past, and for good reason - some of it is horrific, the things that she was forced to do and the things that were done to her. They reach the top of the hill not long later, and Clarke really can't bring herself to be irked that Lexa still isn't gasping for breath or trembling. She's as calm and composed as ever but Clarke honestly isn't mad, not after the show on the way up - being behind Lexa at butt level was definitely a great position for a greater view. 

"Are you ready?" Lexa asks Clarke once Octavia and Raven join them at the top of the hill, both girls red-faced and puffing. Octavia flings Clarke's sled at her with an annoyed, "You owe me, Griffin," and Raven gasps out an affirmation. 

Lexa looks amused at the flustered state of the girls but doesn't comment. Octavia sees the look anyway and wheezes, "I swear I'm doing good in training, but Princess here was too spoiled to pull her own damn sled, and Raven can't with her leg-" she sucks in a breath. "So I was carrying three." Lexa smiles at her. "I will pull all four on our next time up." Octavia brightens up considerably at that. "See, the thing is," Raven says wistfully. "There is not a doubt in my mind that you can, and easily. You're not even winded, Lexa, and you just dragged 120 pounds of pure Clarke Griffin up a hill." Clarke slaps her shoulder. 

A few minutes later, Octavia and Raven are off, already racing down the hill. Clarke positions her sled over the edge and lingers nervously as Lexa does the same next to her, gripping the 'reins' of the sled with practiced ease. "Ready?" Lexa asks, and Clarke nods. Lexa smiles. "Here we go." 

Clarke sucks in a breath and pushes off.

The trepidation is quickly replaced with exhileration. Clarke shouts into the open sky, Lexa beside her doing the same. Clarke focuses on the movement of the sled like Lexa had told her to, finding the actual steering to be easier than the balancing. She resists the urge to swerve right as a tree rises up in front of her, knowing the movement would topple the sled and send her flying; instead, she eases her body to the right slightly, watching in glee as the sled moves according to her will. "I wish it snowed all the time!" she shouts to Lexa over the sound of wind flying past her ears. "This is so much easier than riding a horse!" Lexa laughs, not even having to look at her hands to maneuver the sled, and then juts her chin out towards Clarke's pathway. "Keep your eyes on the path!" Lexa says. "You don't want to-"

Clarke hears the impact before she feels herself being flung away from the sled. Said sled continues to slide down the hill as Clarke rolls a few times and then groans, spitting out a mouthful of snow and shivering as it begins to melt and seep under her layers. Lexa somehow manages to slow her own sled down enough to stop it. "You don't want to do that," Lexa finishes. "Are you alright, Clarke?" The blonde thinks for a moment, then moves each of her limbs minutely. There's no pain. "I think so. It's just really cold." Lexa nods and helps her up for what must be the fiftieth time today alone. Clarke is still freezing and unwilling to let go of Lexa, but eventually turns to see her sled as a distant brown blob in the distance, Octavia and Raven standing near it with their own sleds. "Nice one, Griffin!" she can just barely hear Raven shout joyfully. "Shut up!" she shouts back. "You're one to talk." Lexa laughs slightly at the exchange and then laughs harder as Raven's rather unfiltered next statement comes sounding in answer. Even Clarke grins, seemingly against her will.

"Come, hodnes," Lexa says, leading Clarke over to her own sled. Clarke hums happily as she sits down onto the sled and leans back into Lexa, leeching her warmth. She makes a mental note to bring more layers if they do anything else like this in the future. 

The two make it down the hill fairly quickly after that, and they find an impatient Raven and an awestruck Octavia waiting for them. The former is expected, but the second's pensive expression is a little concerning, until she states in explanation, "It's beautiful." 

The three swivel to see her staring back at the frozen lake and beautiful surrounding scenery. "Just wait until the sunset," Lexa says softly. "It is even more beautiful. I hope that one day you will paint it, Clarke," she finishes, turning to the blonde, who nods. “Of course.”

The serenity is once again interrupted by Raven, who turns to the three and asks, “Can we go again?” Octavia and Clarke nod, and Lexa motions for them to go ahead. “But Lexa! You said you would carry our sleds this time.” Lexa blinks. “So I did. Alright, Clarke, get on.”

Which is how Clarke finds herself enjoying the view once again. The one behind Lexa, of course. They’re maybe halfway up the hill, and Lexa’s dragging four sleds and 350 pounds of human; Clarke and Raven are both sitting on their respective sleds. Octavia is staring in disbelief at Lexa’s stamina, their friend barely managing to keep up even though Lexa is so weighed down. “What the actual fuck, Lexa,” she gapes. “That’s got to be over four hundred pounds.” Lexa, whose face is a little more strained, shrugs with a little difficulty. “I’ve carried heavier.” Clarke grins, eyes once again fixed on Lexa’s muscles. Who wouldn’t be? Apparently not Raven, who is also staring. Without looking over, she slaps Raven’s shoulder. “My. Girlfriend,” she says in a low voice, glancing over to see Raven pale slightly despite her eye roll. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

They end up taking a few more runs, Clarke eventually getting the hang of maneuvering her own sled but usually opting to ride with Lexa instead. They're on top of the hill again when Octavia makes to put her sled down and get ready but Lexa stops her with a quick, "No. Wait."

Clarke follows Lexa's gaze and gasps audibly. Octavia breathes an exclamation of awe and Raven, true to her nature, huffs a "holy shit". The sunset that Lexa had been talking about previously has now conveniently appeared, and the sky is bathed in hues of pink and purple and blue and yellow and orange as the sun crests the horizon. 

The four stand in awed silence for a little while, taking in the sight. "Wow," Octavia breathes. "Yeah, for real," Raven responds in her usual irreverent way. Clarke turns to look at her girlfriend. 

There's a serene smile playing on Lexa's features and the sight of it makes Clarke's heart melt. Lexa turns to see her staring and Clarke beams at her; Lexa's smile widens at the sight of her. Clarke looks radiant, the setting sun sending color dancing onto her blonde locks, cheeks and nose flushed and pink from the cold, eyes wide and sparkling, full of excitement and love. Lexa can't help but beam back. 

Lexa doesn’t know how long the four friends stand there, gazing out at the sunset, but when the colorful rays finally sink beneath the horizon and the sky becomes darker, Raven asks, “Should we go to get ready for the feast or whatever?”

Lexa holds up a finger. “Wait.” Clarke furrows her eyebrows but does so, standing in silence once again. A couple minutes later, Lexa looks up and smiles. “Now look.”

Clarke and the other two girls tilt their heads up and the blonde gasps. The sky is dark and the stars have come out, stark against the near-black sky. Raven whistles. “Damn, sexy Lexie, this really is an awesome place.” Lexa and Clarke roll their eyes at the nickname but Lexa chooses to ignore it as she nods. “Yes, it is.” 

Lexa motions for them to sit down, and the three other girls balk at first at the thought of the snow soaking into their clothing, but seeing Lexa do it spurs them on and they sit and lie back on the snow. It’s cold, and Clarke shivers, but Lexa moves closer to her and twines a hand around her waist, tucking her into her. Clakre practically melts into her warmth. 

“We have to be back in about an hour for the feast,” Lexa murmurs to the three, “but we have time.”

Octavia and Raven scooch over a few feet to talk quietly amongst themselves. Clarke is left in relative silence with Lexa, and despite the fact that they’re lying in snow Clarke is warm and comfortable. Lexa is murmuring something in Trigedasleng in her ear, and even though Clarke doesn’t know what she’s saying it’s relaxing like you would not believe. 

“Daun skaifaya is non daun is toli sponjebob. Em laik Cassiopeia. Em don meizen, ba en don sominesful en hayones don ge pis en as klin a givnes. Cassiopeia ofon em nomfri, Andromeda. Andromeda don toli meizen, mou meizen sai Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia don teina Andromeda toa bouda en hoded au a wuskripa to fram em op. Ba a yontsleya laik Perseus kep klin em en eyo ban op ogeda. Taim Cassiopeia en Andromeda wan op, hayones sen emo en skai ogeda. Kru biyo daun de yu sen in, yu bilaik sen in gonen.”

(A/N: Okay so essentially Lexa is telling Clarke a legend about Cassiopeia (the constellation) but it’s not entirely accurate because I kinda modified it a little bit because the Grounders probably wouldn’t know all the details. Keep in mind that I’m just piecing these Trigedasleng phrases together based on stuff I can access so it’s definitely not perfect but here’s the translation: That star is one of the brightest. Her namr is Cassiopeia. She was beautiful, but she was also prideful and the gods and goddesses were offended by this and demanded a sacrifice. Cassiopeia offerred her daughter, Andromeda. Andromeda was very beautiful, more beautiful than Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia tied Andromeda to a large rock and waited for a monster to kill her. But a hero named Persues saved her and they left together. When Cassiopeia and Andromeda died, the gods and goddesses put them in the sky together. People say that if you listen, you can hear them fighting.) 

Lexa’s words, however foreign, are soothing, and Clarke snuggles herself deeper into the brunette. Lexa sighs, smiling as she presses a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head. The blonde hums happily, suddenly oblivious to the cold wetness seeping through the back of her jacket. She’d live in a pile of snow for eternity if Lexa was there. 

“Ai hod yu in, Lexa, (I love you, Lexa,)” she sighs. Lexa smiles against the top of Clarke’s head and mumbles an only slightly muffled “sentaim (me too, or same)” back.

What seems like five minutes is actually forty-five, and before long Lexa is shifting away from Clarke, preparing to stand up. Clarke whines and clutches at her a little tighter, eyes firmly shut as she works on keeping her living heater by her side. Lexa laughs and places a kiss on the tip of Clarke's scrunched up nose. "Come on, hodnes (love), we have a feast to get to." Clarke cracks one eye open. "Lots of food..." Lexa coaxes. "And it's warm..." Both of Clarke's eyes are open now; wide, blue, and adoring as she looks at Lexa. The brunette blushes slightly at the look of love on Clarke's face and continues, "And you'll be able to sit with me this time..." Sighing, Clarke sits up, letting go of Lexa as she does. Immediately, the sensation of cold, melting snow slips down her back through her neck opening, and she lets out a squeak. Lexa huffs in amusement as she stands up herself, barely even shivering at the slide of snow across her bare skin underneath her clothing. She offers a hand to Clarke, who eyes it for a second and then takes it. "We have more hot chocolate, if you would like," Lexa murmurs into Clarke's ear as the blonde pulls her girlfriend flush against her. 

“Okay,” Clarke replies but makes no move to pull away. “Can we just… stay like this for a little while?” Lexa hums in agreement. “Is something wrong?” Clarke shakes her head vigorously. “No, no, not at all. The opposite, actually. I- I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Even when Dad was alive.” Lexa holds her a little tighter at the mention of Jake Griffin. “I mean, the ground was always the dream for us. And even though things were simple and peaceful on the Ark before the whole ‘help we don’t have oxygen’ thing… it wasn’t really living, you know? It was just going through the daily motions, it was about surviving, and…” 

Lexa finishes the sentence for her. “And life should be about more than just surviving.” Clarke smiles at her. “Yeah. So when we got down here, suddenly everything was so different and new and… green.” Clarke reaches up and brushes lightly over Lexa’s eyelid. “Green trees, green plants, green food… green eyes…” the last part is spoken in a whisper. “Green eyes that I got lost in, and I was wary at first, but then I learned to love them, and now… now here we are. We’re happy. Me, and you, and O and Rae. We’re not just surviving anymore, we’re living. Really living. I only wish my dad got to see all this. I wish he’d gotten to meet you. I think he would have loved you more than he loved me,” Clarke says with a slightly watery chuckle. 

Lexa brushes away the few tears that escape whenever Clarke speaks about her father and smiles at her gently. “I don’t think so. Your father loved you more than anything and anyone. He may have liked me, or enjoyed my presence, but he would always love you more.” Clarke smiles and rests her forehead on Lexa’s shoulder. They stand there in silence for a little while, and then Lexa murmurs, “Clarke, niron (lover), we should go if we don’t wish to be late.” Clarke nods and whispers, “Okay. Lexa, I have a question for you.” The brunette hums in acknowledgement and Clarke asks, laughing slightly, “How are you so perfect?” Lexa shakes her head. “I am by no means perfect. In any way. But I’m flattered you think so.” Clarke kisses her forehead. “You are. You’re the only reason we can have all this.” Clarke gestures at the serenity of the pond, at their laughing friends still lying in the snow, at Polis behind them. “The only reason.” 

Lexa considers this for a moment. “It is not me being perfect, or even me trying to be perfect. It’s about being what my people need me to be. It is about being what you want me to be. 6It is about doing what they would have wanted me to do. Being who they would have wanted me to be.” Clarke knows who she’s talking about: all the family and friends Lexa had lost on the long, hard, painful road to get to this point; Anya, and Gustus, Costia and her parents - and countless more, friends from her old village, perhaps. Maybe extended family members, or people she had grown to like in the barracks during her training. And Lexa continues, “They’re not gone, not truly. They never will be, regardless of whether we can feel them or not.” Clarke understands that Lexa is talking about Jake, her father, as well. “They would have wanted this for us,” Lexa says. “They would have wanted for us to be happy.” And Lexa’s voice is so genuine, so earnest, that Clarke can’t help but lean up and kiss her. When the need for air becomes too much, she pulls back and rests her forehead against Lexa. “Yeah,” she breathes. “So we will be.”

After a few moments, Lexa presses a kiss to the top of Clarke's head and whispers, "We do actually need to go, hodnes (love)," and Clarke nods. "Okay. If you wanna pack up, I'll go get Octavia and Raven." Lexa nods. "I don't envy you. Good luck." Clarke laughs and strides over to their two friends.

Approximately five minutes later, they're packed up and ready to go. Lexa shoulders the packs, but then slips one off her arm and hands it to Octavia on the gray-eyed girl's insistence. They begin the half-hour trek towards the city again, laughing and recounting the greatest and most spectacular fails the four had that day. Lexa and Clarke walk hand in hand, the blonde sipping on a thermos of hot chocolate. The lights of Polis in the distance, as well as the full moon, illuminate the path through the woods enough to see pretty easily. 

They reach the walls around Polis fairly quickly and the guards let them pass with a smile to Lexa and a respectful nod to the other three girls. Lexa returns the smile and then murmurs to the three girls, “Are you hungry?” Raven shouts “Fuck yeah!”, nodding vigorously, and Octavia face-palms at the loudness of her girlfriend’s crude statement before nodding, albeit less intensely. Clarke echoes the nodding and looks inclined to echo the face-palm, too. Raven is unrepentant, shrugging. “Oh, come on, there aren’t even any children around here, it’s fineeee.” Octavia shakes her head and Lexa smirks before continuing with her previous thought. “Good. Clarke, you will be with me this time. Octavia and Raven, you two will be able to sit together at the same table as Clarke and I under one condition: Indra insists that the two of you eat with her tomorrow.”

Octavia nods and Raven groans. “Oh, no, Indra is scary. Like Mama Bear scary. And she’s really protective of Octavia, oh, gods, I’m probably going to get the ‘if you hurt her I’ll kill you. Slowly,’ talk.” Octavia laughs and nudges her girlfriend in the ribs, getting an answering jab back. 

“Actually,” Clarke intervenes, “under two conditions. No, and I mean no, shenanigans under the table. No playing adult footsie, no fingering, nothing. For real, guys, you’re not subtle. Like, at all. So. No getting handsy.” 

Raven pouts and Octavia scoffs playfully. “Yeah, yeah, you and Lexa aren’t exactly real chaste, either,” she says, “but okay, fine. No shenanigans under the table. Right babe?” She turns to Raven for affirmation; the mechanic pouts for a little longer but then nods, sighing reluctantly. “Fine. You two are no fun.” Clarke smirks at her. “Oh, we’re really fun. In the bedroom, at least.” Lexa raises an eyebrow at her amusedly and Octavia and Raven gape at the two. “No no no no wait. No, now I need more information,” Raven says. “Clarkey! You’re not seriously implying that- you and Lexa- that you guys-” Clarke’s smirk grows wider as she takes Lexa’s hand again. “C’mon, babe, let's get to our seats." 

Raven and Octavia call after them, demands for more information floating through the air towards the blonde and brunette, but Lexa and Clarke practically run away from the incredulous Latina and her girlfriend. 

The feast is a hell of a lot more fun with Lexa, Octavia, and Raven by her side. The stiffness of yesterday is replaced with flowing alcohol and warm discussion. Laughter comes from alll directions as the people become familiar with each other, and Clarke looks proudly over the scene before smiling at Lexa. “See, babe? This?” she gestures around them, at the joy permeating the air, “This was all you.” Lexa smiles and Clarke continues in a softer, gentler voice, “They would be so, so proud of you.” 

By the time they get back to their room in the Heda’s Tower, it’s well after midnight. Clarke is a little tipsy, Lexa (who could hold her alcohol a hell of a lot better than Clarke can, the blonde finds out) helping her up. They get dressed in their respective sleep attire, and Lexa slips into the bed, Clarke in her arms. Clarke presses further into Lexa, nuzzling her nose against Lexa’s neck and then pushing her face into that crook between her neck and shoulder, sighing contentedly. “Wha… what about my present,” she asks halfheartedly, and Lexa laughs quietly as her hand goes to Clarke’s head, stroking her hair gently. “I will give it to you tomorrow. I promise. For now, hodnes (love), you should sleep.” Clarke hums happily. “Reshop, Heda,” she says drowsily, and Lexa smiles. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so  
> I have sooooo many ideas for this fic (137 to be exact, I've got it all written down on paper because insomnia) and some of them I really really really want to develop more? So I'm thinking maybe I'll do separate books as well as this oneshot book?  
> My only problems are 1) I don't know how often I'll be able to update and 2) I don't know if you guys will be willing to read them...  
> Let me know?  
> K bye babes love y'all!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, thanks for reading. You can leave kudos if you want, if you don't want to that's cool. If you want to comment a prompt or something you want to see me write you can do that too. Let me know if you want a part 2 of any of the one-shots.


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